I'm sorry for whatt you've been thru and can't imagine how confusing all of this must be but you have to believe that no one who cares about you would treat you like that.
I haven't experienced anything like this myself but watched my mum go thru it with my dad. Her having the courage and strength to leave taught me a lot about self respect. It was very hard or all of us at the time but it was the best descision she ever made, for herself and my brother & me.
In time you will realise how much better off you are without someone like that!
Good luck, stay strong, and like others have said it's not healthy to dwell on the bad times but they happened and you have to remeber that. Don't feel guilty about this he deserves whatever he gets. xx