what can i do?

[GINGER BIRD]

Please help. my partner moved in with me recently and everything is lovely and going really well. apart from one thing and its a pretty big thing !! he has had a pretty chequered past sexually and has lots of partners hes got up to all sorts of things . he has been on medication for a long time too. his medication drastically reduces his libido and tales away all his sexual urges. it makes me feel really ugly and unattractive that he wont attempt to make love with me . he notices attractive women when we are out and jokes about what he would like to do to them not sure i can handle it much longer what can i do ?

[Sgt.Rock]

Buy him viagara for Christmas?

[another-view]

That won't give him urges, just the ahem "tool" to do the job with.

[GINGER BIRD]

have tried viagra and yup another view it doesnt give urges !

[daniela31]

Your poor man must be very anxious about his inability to get sexual urges, that he is making comments about other women to cover up his inadequencies. I expect it is very bewildering to him too.
Is the medication he is on long term?
maybe a chat with his GP about it would help.

[GINGER BIRD]

yes its long term but he is reducing it slightly after advice from his doctor. i pretend that it doesnt bother me but i feel like he is more like a brother or a best mate especially knowing about his past i feel really confused and am at a loss i dearly love the man and he is the one but i feel that soemthing major is missing

[daniela31]

Just give him lots of cuddles, men like cuddles too, and have a go at pleasing yourself when you are in an intimate position with him and see if this helps to turn him on.
I think he needs assistance from you rather than negitivity.
Do you talk to him about this problem? or do you kep it to yourself? Does he know what it is doing to you?

[GINGER BIRD]

I do reassure him i do not give him negativity its somehing i would never hold against him. i do give cuddles he gives cuddles too i dont talk to him about it because its something he cant help, but also i cant help feelin like i do

[daniela31]

Then you are indeed in a sad situation, but it's nobody's fault. I don't think he should make comments about other women though, but then again all blokes do that don't they?...............lol. The phrase 'phwoar look at that' was invented by a bloke!!

Patience is the best solution here I think, and lots of love and cuddles, and hopefully you might get a lovemaking session in once in a while.
:-)

[Sgt.Rock]

Dani - It's "look at the **** on that" :-0

[daniela31]

Hi Sgt.Rock.
I have had a friend invitation from your brother. I accepted this morning.


just nipping out for a bit, catch you later.
:-)

[China Doll]

If it's medical he might benefit from a referral to an Andrologist from his GP.

If it's psychological then RELATE might be a good option for both of you.

[jen78]

From past experience I'd tread very carefully.

I met a lovely guy, he didn't sweep me off my feet, I didn't have that phwoar factor for him but I did lovel him.

I have quite an eventful sexual past which he knew about but, during the time we were together, I just had no urge for it. I think it was a combination of factors, stress, illness, medication, lack of confidence...

It made him feel a similar way to what it sounds like you do though I never made comments about other women though maybe it's more a way of him covering up his inadequacies.

I found it very uncomfortable and difficult when he brought it up as I didn't know what it was and how to fix it and, because I didn't feel like doing it at all. I guess like talking about food and eating when the last thing you want to do is eat.

I was pushed into going to Relate by him and felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing. I only went because I thought it would threaten our relationship if I didn't.

I said I'd initially go on my own because of that and Relate themselved questioned me being there as it wasn't my choice. I went twice then we ended up splitting up.

My lack of sex drive with him was no reflection on how I loved him. To me, our relationship was about so much more than just sex. I never saw him as ugly or unattractive, I loved him.

[jen78]

Part of why we split up was because he said he didn't feel like I loved him enough which wasn't true, from my point of view, but I obviously couldn't show him in the way he wanted.

There were other things apart from that but he got into another relationship very quickly (was seeing her before I moved out) and it's obvious she gives him plenty of what he wants which hurts like hell.

Another thing I did wonder was that, after the sex I had had in the past, I finally met someone I loved and wanted to be with, marry, have children with and my attitude to sex changed a lot. I realised the value of a close loving relationship and not being made to feel just like a sex object and I loved that.

That's part of the reason it hurts so much now as despite all that, a lotof it still came down to sex.

I hope this helps x