Narcissism?

[gillianh]

My partner tells me daily that I am lazy useless selfish nasty horrible. Yet I work full time I have three small children and my days are so full I am exhausted. I have not been shopping for at least a year yet he tells me I spend all the money! He has moments when he is so beautiful to be around and then bang. Our world continues to fall around our feet. Is this Narcissistic behaviour? He is angry with me because i didn't buy him a card but the children made one for his birthday. He posted a question on yahoo to ask opinions yet failed to fill in the blanks. Am I fooling myself with this one? I have been in a very stressful marriage and I fear the same mistake has been made?

[ummmm]

Sounds like it. It's abuse no matter how you look at it. In relationships people say some nasty things in the heat of an argument. Not on a daily basis. Before you know it you will have no self esteem and this will be the norm. Abusive people start off with insults and it tends to escalate from there.

Are they his kids?

[terambulan]

He has no self-esteem as is bringing you down to his level. Once he's beaten you down he'll start on the kids.

Kick him out for all your sakes.

[sara3]

he lives in a world that is unnacceptable to most "normal" people. the question is, do you want to live in that world?

I'd say, of course you don't.. and you don't want your children living in it either.

[Maypole]

Gillian
Its not OK for him to talk to you in that way. There could be a number of reasons he does it but none of them excuse it or make verbal abuse acceptable.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one of your worst case scenarios because its basically untreatable, as the subject cant accept they may have a problem and refuses help. On the other end of the spectrum your boyfriend may be stressed out and on something of a downer and "not realise! he is taking it out on you.

You need to tell him you do not ever want to be talked to or about in that manner again starting immediately. His behaviour after that will start to give you some pointers on how big a problem this is.

Good luck, let us know how you get on
Maypole.

[beso]

He doesn't have HPD. His problem is CAD. Complete Arseh01e Disorder.

[Bbbananas]

My instincts scream "Get rid".

[redcrx]

"I have been in a very stressful marriage and I fear the same mistake has been made?"

so move on, get out, sounds as if youve managed before

[B00]

your first sentance alone was enough to convince me. No one who loves or cares for you would call you these hurtful things on a daily basis.

[brenda]

Agree with all the previous answers.

You should begin planning your exit from this situation as soon as you can.You are worth so much more than this, think about your kids in this atmosphere.
He sounds a complete and utter waste of space , so get out whilst you and the children are all in one piece.

Sincere good wishes , my thoughts are with you.

[Velvetee]

Yes and he also sounds very childish. What kind of a person would prefer a shop bought card, to one made lovingly by their children. he sounds like the nasty, selfish, horrible one.

As he's still your partner, I would think very caefully about actually marrying this guy, it would probably be a big mistake. Better to be unhappy alone, than unhappy with someone, who makes you feel worthless.

[blondie83]

Ok...2 words. GET RID.

[pastafreak]

Show him the door hun.......you don't need a man who uses you to wipe his feet on. This is not a situation that can improve unless HE wants to....and he sounds like he is no where near that. He has unbending opinions about you-he won't change.

[puddicat]

Still being controlled and unsure otherwise she would have replied!!!

[Ice.Maiden]

Gillian - I'd say that your partner's of a controlling nature, and whilst it's horrible to have your self esteen whittled away, i feel more sorry for the children. The atmosphere seems to be awful for you all sometimes, and that's not a good place for children to be, is it? Give them what they deserve - a mum who's happy and laughing, and hopefully a "dad" who's there for them emotionally. x

[Drisgirl]

I have to unfortunately concur with the majorority -I too had to go down a marriage breakdown-its not easy but we made it easy. However we always remained parents and were extremely close until he was was killed.
Can youi have have a hands on relationship -like a grown up one?

Right that was my sensible answer the other one get him to **** he is a waste and taking the peeeee -end of !! x

[ddaisy992]

i agree with all of the replys. You need too get out of this relationship or at the very least speak with a relate counselor.

[zzxxee]

oh dear, sounds like he has very low self esteem and is takeing it out on you, i would have a frank taLK and if hes not willing to meet you half way then maybe a trial seperation is needed for your own sanity

[tufty7]

It is easy for people to say get out and finish it now, its just not that easy , Just have a no holds talk with him ,tell him how you feel and how miserable he is making you...... and is he going to improve his behaviour, if it does not change then you can look at progressing it to the next stage ,

Are you sure you have not got chronic fatigue ??

Btw , my wife is a kept woman , (shud be kept in a cage!)and i often say to her , how can you spend so much money ?? she just tells me "you should come out with me I will show you how I spend Your money" .... ;-)

[lil123]

I lived with a man like this for nearly 20 years. 2 years ago I had the guts to leave but I still hear is voice in my head calling me the names etc.
I realise now that it is him that all the problems and I have built my life up from nothing so I am far from lazy, horrible etc.

[123everton]

He sounds like wnaker