lost confidence

[loubeelou]

I have lost a lot of confidence during sex, I seem to freeze when my partner asks me to do certain things...things that I have done a lot in the past, I dont know what is wrong with me, its like I freeze and then lose confidence and dont want to continue, and am left feeling like a failure. I never used to be like this, quite the opposite, so dont know what is causing it. If he asks me to get on top I cant bare the thought of it!!! and then he forces the issue and then I start to feel so bad I could and sometimes do cry about it. I have been like this since the beginning of our relationship, a year on im still the same....I do do a lot of things and he is obviously happy as he says im the sexiest women hes ever been with, but there are a couple of things I just cannot face, riding for one and the other I cant really say....he mentions it a lot and the feelings of inadequacy return and start to eat me up, I have told him to just leave me be and I will do these things when im ready,but he still goes on about it...I just dont know why I am like it???

[loubeelou]

Im sorry I shuld have explained more...I do love him dearly, and he is the most attractive man I have ever met, there is a lot of chemistry between us...thats why I just dont understand why I am the way I am about certain things, we have a very intimate relationship, but I hold back on a couple of things, the thought of riding him makes me want to run away...crazy I know, but I dont think he helps when he tries to force the issue

[andy-hughes]

I think your partner is being insensitive to you as a partner by pushing issues with which you are obviously uncomfortable.

You need to have a talk with him away from the bedroom.

Explain to him that you love him dearly, but that does not extend to actions with which you are uncomfortable - and you don't need to explain or justify why you feel this way, it is simply enough that you do.

Tell him that pressurising you only makes you feel more unhappy, and less able to comply, and that you need his understanding and support in not pressing you for his own pleasure.

If this conversation doesn't resolve the problem, I would think seriously about your long-term future with this man.

Any partner who is pressing his lover for aspects of inticimacy with which she is uncomfortable - and allowing her to feel guilty as a form of emotional blackmail, is not the sort of man who is going to provide the basis of a long-term commitment.

If he is selfish in bed, he will soon become selfish out of it.

Have the talk, see how he responds, and move forward - which every way it takes you.

I do hope it works out for you.

[lizzydrippin]

I totally agree with Andy, you really don't need to justify why you are uncomfortable about doing certain things, there isn't any reasons why, its simply the way you feel. If your patrner loves you then he will accept this and stop making you feel that you have a problem. Which, trust me, you havent.