I am going to go mad!!!

[unhappychick]

I posted a question on here about 3 weeks ago, about my partner moving in with me, and the subsequant costs of things, he was giving me �50 a week towards the shopping and said if the bills come in he would give me half the money, the problem I had with this, is some of it direct debit and one of the other bills is a key meter, so I asked people on here if they thought �100 a week was a fair contribution towards the running/upkeep of the house, all replies I got, said it was value for money and that he should be paying more, which I didnt ask for anymore, was happy with �100...however on Saturday he said he wanted to talk to me, and said he thought his contribution of �100 a week was far too much and that he had spoken to other people, and they thought it was extortionate!!! Baring in mind, he doesnt want for anything here, he refuses to eat rubbish and always get a fresh meal cooked for him, and he takes a cooked lunch to work as well, I do all the washing and ironing, and generally run the house, that �100 includes food, gas, electric, tv licence, water rates, phone and internet fees, and he is still argueing with me about it, despite the fact that I have shown him the bills and calculated everything fair n square, 50/50, he has a good job and earns triple what I earn. Before moving in with me, he lived with his parents and never paid any housekeep, he is a man in his 30's, and I cannot believe that he is questioning me on this, and is asking all and sundry what they think, I feel its an insult, and am upset by his action/reactions to this, am I being unfair here???

[lil123]

Tell him to move back to his parents then if he doesn't want to pay.
If you don't put your foot down now you will be took for a ride just as I always have been by a man.
I won't have anyone living with me now, they just all seem to want to live somewhere for nothing x

[rabbitygirl]

This is what comes of not getting your kids to pay their way when at home - and there are a lot of them out there.

I had big battles with one of my boys because I was the only mum he knew charging keep - his mates were living free or paying silly money. I was the devil incarnate.

Eventually he left (but at 24 and only because we moved) knowing the cost of things, how to cook and do any household chore and ready for life alone or with a nice girl who will appreciate him - and me for being a devil woman!

[unhappychick]

Happyone2 (think thats your name) I did this as a way of trying to make him understand, as I am NOT backing down on this, at the end of the day, I know I am being fair and reasonable, but he cant see it??? I have told him to leave if he doesnt like it, and I have also suggested that he from now on takes care of all the househols bills and shopping and I will gladly give him �100 a week, something he doesnt want to do, i said to him, if you think its a lot of money, surely you would want to do it?!!! I dont need to hear from you, that I am not strong minded, or justify myself for that matter, I have argued my case and he just doesnt get it, and |I thought it would be nice to get an unbiased opinion/opinions and it was nice of people to come on here and take the time out to comment, as it all goes in my favour, and being strong minded I knew it would!

[unhappychick]

Also happyone2, I certainly dont need to grow up! I am aware of the cost of living and am quite capable of argueing my case, BUT when he is getting opinions from people he knows, I am entitled to get as stated previously an unbiased opinion, and a little back up from here...I am fighting against him and his army, and NEVER EVER will I back down from something I know I am right on!

[happyone2]

There is a difference between getting a response that just agrees with what you want to think and getting a view that might challange you to think about your stance

Being strong and strength in relationships is not always about winning the point, or in fact about being right, its about the ability to negotiate and resolve conflict and to know when to walk away ......cos you just wont win, however right your case may be.

i am not here to say what you want me to say and whether you like it or not it has validity ...................

Be strong then..........recognise what i think every one else thinks and you should surely see, that this man is not for you, and you are not for him.

Security and financial committment mean a lot to you, it does not to him.................. that makes neither of you right or wrong merely not right together.

like what i say or not .....................ITS BLOODY OBVIOUS TO THE REST OF US !!!

[Velvetee]

Ask him how much he would be paying to live, if he had his own home. (Rent, Utilities, Council Tax, Internet and food) I would say even living frugally, he'd be looking at �800 plus per month.

�100 per week is a pittance and I would say he's lying about people having told him it's extortionate. I think perhaps he's just a skinflint, who knows he's onto a winner. If he really cared for you, he wouldn't want to see you struggling. Why do women always go for such types.

[Octavius]

I think the time for questions has passed. You need to give him an ultimatum: pay up or get out.

[Charisse]

I agree with happyone2. Unhappychick do you honestly believe that your partner will change?

If yes, then I wish you luck. If no, then you have a hard decision to make. What do you think that he will be like if you have children? Will he pay towards their "keep" or simply expect you to carry him?

[unhappychick]

Happyone2, I actually agree with you on the last point, I dont have to think about my stance, i know what is right and what is wrong, and clearly this whole pathetic scenario is wrong

[Octavius]

Sorry UHC but he does sound like a right mummy's boy and it seems as if he is trying to take you for a fool.

[unhappychick]

I feel like crap now, I really do, at 1st it was mildly amusing reading the comments, and now, im feeling like a mug

[WhiteBear]

hes a cheapo happychick...(or angry chick :P )
if he earns more than you then �100 a week is nothing.

im living on my own and i pay �350 rent thats not even including council tax, tv licence, water or electrcity bill or laundry...................

so he is lucky to b paying �100pw with own cleaner and cook. i'd blame it on his mum...

[ladyalex]

If you're feeling like a mug now, please remember who has caused you to feel like this...and it is not you. You, however, are the only person who can stop you feeling like a mug. You're worth more than he's offering, either in money or in anything else. People tend to be a bit like Blackpool Rock I've found....same all the way through...so if they're mean and selfish with money, it's the same with their emotions too.
Bin him and keep him binned unless you are sure he has woken up to reality and is making strenuous efforts to see things from a point of view that is not his own.

[lovinglife]

Maybe there�s another reason why he�s so cautious. I was planning on moving in with my ex, it was his investment so everything was in his name. I decided to help out a bit by opening a B&Q account (because I was planning on living there) and paying for the kitchen. Anyhow we split and I was left with the bill. Ever since (other relationships) no matter how much I trust someone I want everything to be equal and have equal control. He may feel that he has no control over the money that is coming out of his account if he hasn't seen the bills. I understand where your coming from, but all would be solved if you write down a breakdown, how much your monthly rent/mortgage is, council tax, gas, electric, food etc�.

[lovinglife]

Maybe there�s another reason why he�s so cautious. I was planning on moving in with my ex, it was his investment so everything was in his name. I decided to help out a bit by opening a B&Q account (I didn't think, I was in love) and paid for the kitchen. Anyhow we split and I was left with the bill. Ever since (other relationships) no matter how much I trust someone I want everything to be equal and have equal control. He may feel that he has no control over the money that is coming out of his account, if he hasn't seen the bills. I understand where you're coming from, but all would be solved if you write down a breakdown, how much your monthly rent/mortgage is, council tax, gas, electric, food etc�.

[mandimoo]

a friends ex was a bit like your chap. she had been living in her house for several years, scraping by and paying mortgage on her own. she hadnt know this guy all that long when they decided to live together and agreed to split the costs. he was never ever happy with it though and it caused them a lot of problems. he didnt want to work and complained about the costs and she didnt really trust him to do the right thing and hold down a job to help. needless to say it didnt stand the test of time.

[dogonheat]

*** HELLO ABers, THIS IS UNHAPPYCHICKS TIGHT ARSE SELFISH ****** OF A BOYFRIEND LOL! ***

Hi all!

I�ve just been sitting here at my desk reading a long list of your lovely comments about me on this website which unhappy chick wanted me to do so. I�m not going to have a slagging match here, neither will I make any negative comments to any one in particular because I don�t do that but I thought I�d pop on here and say a few words myself as I thought it might be interesting for you guys to hear my side of it and to let people know that I�m not quite the selfish sponger that I�m being made out!

Now first of all, I don�t have a problem giving UHC �100 a week towards the running costs of the house and I don�t expect to live with UFC for free. Initially when she first asked this of me before showing me on paper what things were costing, I just thought that to give her �400 a month and that�s NOT INCLUDING RENT, was a little steep. Now maybe I am being na�ve to how much things cost. UHC has now listed everything out to me and the bills which include food, gas, electric, TV license, phone/internet and water overall equate to almost �800 a month. Now to me that still does sound a bit high! But if that�s what it costs then that�s what it costs and I will pay my 50/50 share! , thinking about it as there are four of us living here, UHC, ME and her 2 children then that might me an accurate reflection. A friend of mine actually said I should only pay one third of the costs and that UHC should cover the other 2 thirds for her and the 2 children. BUT I DISAGREED! I thought that was a bit harsh. I think a lot of the children and I am quite happy to share the responsibility and contribute to making sure there is food on the table for them and that they have shoes on their feet! After all UHC does a lot for me including washing and ironing and I am very appreciative towards that. � to be continued

[dogonheat]

cont... Maybe I was wrong and I have apologized to UHC that I have turned to other people to discuss our financial affairs but I just wanted to get a feel from others what they pay towards these costs and that if they thought that it was a fair amount. I don�t think there�s much wrong in doing that. UHC has been on here to discuss issues about myself on AB. I myself prefer to talk to family and friends instead of talking to cyber-men and cyber �women on websites like these.

I think it�s unfair for people to advise UHC to get rid of me! I brought her a dishwasher the other week, I took her and her children on holiday for a few months back paid for by myself, I�ve often taken them out for meals, plus I�m taking UHC to Venice for a few days in May/June which I will pay for. SO IM NOT SELFISH.

Now with regards to me living with my parents before I moved in with UHC! I don�t know whether you abers have kept up to date with the housing market over the last decade. But house prices did increase just a little between 1999 and 2007 before the big CC came along! (Sorry if I�m waffling on here) This made it very difficult for first time buyers to get onto the property ladder leaving people with a choice between renting or living with parents/family members. If somebody would have pointed me in the direction of a bank who would lend me 6 times my salary at the time I would have moved out like a shot. I was in the process of moving out with a previous partner when I was in my 20s but that fell through� to be continued

[dogonheat]

cont... Luckily I have very supportive parents and they advised me NOT to waste money on rent but to save for a deposit until house prices started to drop� which they have! During the time I have been clinging onto mummy�s apron strings I have done the sensibly thing and have managed to save up a nice sum of capital which I will use FOR ME, THE WOMEN I LOVE (UHC) AND HER CHILDREN TO SPEND ON A HOUSE!!!!!! Very selfish of me eh!

A bit of additional information here; the average age of the first time buyer in 2006 (I don�t know what it is now) reached 34! Check out the link http://www.firstrungnow.com/news/average-age-f or-first-278.aspx. I am 31, 3 years below that. I could not help living with my parents! It�s not my fault that houses are a complete rip off!

Anyway I think that�s about it, I�ve just spoken to my lovely beautiful stunning girlfriend that she is, and I�ve said I�ll give her the �100 a week so hopefully now she will be a HAPPYCHICK! 


Cheers folks

From the selfish mummy�s boy! (think I might change my user name to this)

x

[CrazyCathy]

I'm sure like many others we went on the facts that were posted and they didn't include everything but what does? So I apologise for my post but it wasa reflection on what I had read.