I've really screwed up

[HelenaM]

I acused my bf of 3 months of sleeping with another woman. He wasn;t. He finished with me cos he said I didn't trust him. I did, but I got something wrong. He also said he had strong feelings for me but couldn't go back because I didn't trust him. It was only after we ended that he said he had strong feelings for me. If I had known that before I would have felt far more secure. We talked but he says he can't go back and just wants to be friends.

He took me out for lunch today and was really nice and friendly and flirty. He didn't seem in any hurry to leave and then took me for a drive in the country. He is coming for dinner on Sunday.

Trouble is, I am in bits. I realise now what I have lost and I don't know whether to have any hope for the future or whether he is just being friendly. What made things worse is he played "take a chance on me" in the car - don't know if I am reading too much into an act of kindness.

I just don't know what to do or think and I cant stop crying.

[Schutzengel]

Just wait a while and see how things progress. If he's being so nice, even if you don't get back together as girl and boyfriend, you could still end up with a very good friend. Perhaps he's playing a waiting game to see how long you'll wait for him to make up his mind whether to get back to how you were. Good luck.

[HelenaM]

Thanks both. But he has made it crystal clear that we can only ever be friends. I don't know if he is just twisting the knife with his kindness and the odd suggestive comment. Funnily enough, today was like when we were first together - just two people having fun with a slight sexual frisson. We really laughed as well.

He was just so kind today (which I didn't really deserve after what I said) and I don't know whether I am putting too much of a hopeful interpretation on things. Trouble is, he won't talk about it now.

[Ice.Maiden]

Yes helena, I was thinking along the same lines as gbg. What made you suspicious of him in hte first place? Is he just trying to make you feel insecure, or could your intuition've been right?

[HelenaM]

No I now know he wasn't. I got sucpicious when I added two and two together and made five when I had had too much to drink. I think the reason I felt like that was because I didn't think he cared about me. I felt insecure because I didn't know how he felt. He was always off doing his own thing (we had our own space as well as each other) and then this night he cancelled at the last miute and claimed a family emergency but stuff didn't add up (although it did when he explained it) so I accused him of being with someone else.

[HelenaM]

thanks goodbyegirl.

But I think it is a bit late for playing cool - when we had our chat when he said he just wanted friends I cried and said I was in love with him. I won't cancel Sunday - otherwise I am going to have a LOT of meat to eat. But I will try not to contact him after then and see if that helps.

[Sgt.Rock]

You are no different to most other females in being a jealous psycho, take some comfort from that. If I was him I would leave well alone.

[nogginthenog]

SgtRocky hates females he got dumped and is now in the Sally Army Hostel

[Ice.Maiden]

Thanks Helena. Well to be honest, if it was just the drink talking and this guy really likes you, I think he should've realised why you had these concerns, and not reacted so badly that he finished with you. However, I don't know how much grief you gave him when you suspected him. At least he's still around and wanting to be in your company, so I think you should say you're very sorry about the mix-up, and then not refer to it any more. Give him a while longer,and see how things go. You now know that showing jealousy doesn't help a relationship, so enjoy your dates, but if he shows no signs of moving forward, then perhaps you were right about him in a way - not for accusing him of sleeping with someone else particularly, but just the fact that he couldn't accept the situation was a drunken mistake. You both seem a little quick to judge each other, and I can't see why he was so quick to finish with you. I hope it wasn't because you "caught him out", but wish you the best of luck anyway. Let us know if you get back together.

[HelenaM]

I completely agree with you Sgt Rock. So why is he bothering?

[Sgt.Rock]

Just speaking from experience Helena, bet you are a mad texter too. Why do you think he is coming round Sunday?? Think I can guess.

[nogginthenog]

Is he in the same hostel Rocky


Has he told you ?

[no-knowledge]

moth to a flame ^


careful Helena he will suggest an e-mail exchange next.

[HelenaM]

Thank you Ice Maiden. He broke up with me because of the terrible things I said. I was really horrible. He knows I know I was wrong and I have explained how it happened. He can't get over the fact that I didn't trust him. But if I had known how he felt, I wouldn't have felt so insecure. I don't even know why hes bothering to be so nice and spend time with me if he just wants to be friends.

[no-knowledge]

up one with the ^

[HelenaM]

No I don't use texts. I assume he is coming on Sunday for dinner. I have made it clear that I never ever sleep with my friends if that is what you are thinking.

[Sgt.Rock]

Don't know why he's bothering to be friends?, don't be so naive!!