Cant let go

[Jessy pie]

Im probably gonna get lynched for this so here gos. im married but have been seeing someone else for 16 months. She is thelove of my life but we hve both decided to part and move on and i am now working on saving my marrage. However its not that simple, i ant get he out of my head admy partner knows this. I think thatthe problem is that we stll see each other around town and chat etc. We agreed to stay friends with each other, because i dont see why not. Iv no reason to not speak to her. Im ery confused and emotonal because i cant be with the one peson i really love. Will i ever get over her?

[Robinia]

If this was really the love of your life you'd find the backbone to be with her...unless of course there are children involved?

[Jessy pie]

Thanks for all that. I think its early days yet and time will heal. My wife has forgiven me and im very lucky to still bemarried. Ivetold her what she wants to know. The reason that i cant be with heris that theres a 20 year gap and she needs to enjoy life not be stuck with me. I just cant accept that i have to cut contact with her again because we are good frieinds. Im past the stage that i want to b intimate with her etc.

[sara3]

of course, he hasn't told us why he can't be with the other woman. it's not his choice so maybe she is married with kids. he's going to fawn over her forever, not knowing (as BOO says) the reality of a real relationship with her.

he can't have her, so he's staying put. men rarely leave their partner's unless there's another woman waiting for them. I feel offended for his wife, poor woman.

[sara3]

age gap? what a load of nonsense.

[AndThenSome]

Jessy pie= a woman


Im a little confused what gender are you?

[Sqad]

sara....in many marriages, the husband could say "You are not the woman I wanted, you are the woman I got"......that need not be a recipe for divorce.

One can indeed have respect for the wife and have a mistress......one can have respect for both wife AND mistress.

I do not know how old the wife is, or if children are involved , but it is not easy for the woman to find "the love of her life".............e.g failure of Dating Agency dates.

The pragmatic approach would be for the wife to accept the fact that she is secure and that he can have his mistress. In the long run, the guy will leave the mistress and not the wife.

[B00]

Ahhhh, a midlife crisis!!! 'Nuff said.

Get over yourself jessy for goodness sake. Forget this young woman and work at your marriage (now im assuming you've been married some time?) Your wife deserves that at least.

[sara3]

maybe that's okay in your world, sqad... but not in mine.

[Ankou]

well consider yourself lucky to have such a forgiving and understanding wife.
i admire that she could do that really, you are a lucky man, perhaps she doesn't deserve you but she has chosen to accept this and give it a go. time for you to honour that trust.

[Bbbananas]

No way could I stand back in the wings, knowing my husband was seeing to another woman, and wait for him to get over it & call it off. No Way Jose.
I know this does happen sqad, but no-one in that situation could genuinely be happy with it. Man or woman. Unless that particular person didn't like or want sex for instance, and though the 'other' person was providing that particular service and 'save them a job'....?!!
Each to their own, but I wouldn't personally stand for that. I'd either kick him out or go and find a distraction or dalliance of my own.

[sara3]

I think this is a generation gap thing. sqad thinks it's acceptable to keep a wife and mistress, and (mostly) my generation thinks this is not acceptable.

when you look at divorce rates, bear this in mind. we want to be treated with respect and don't accept any old crap, like some of the older generation of women have put up with. we can cope without men who treat us like this.

[4getmenot]

tha fact he has this other woman even on his mind whether he loves or lusts her means that he is not devoted to his wife. A marriage is nothing without trust. And she will never ever trust again. It seems more to me he is unable to have this other woman not because of his marriage but because of some other reason. And if he could have her he would leave his wife in a second.

[Jessy pie]

To and then some, im a late 40,s male. To Robina, yes there are children involved. To Boo, Mid Life Crisis, Yeah i think so. I will get over her because we had some wonderfull times 2gether and i have some wonderfull memories, and we parted on good terms which is a great comfort to me

[4getmenot]

Oh have just read you cant be with her because of the age gap. So really nothing to do with having a wife at all. Well your wife seems to have settled for being 2nd best. What a mug

[Sqad]

sara/salla.....I am talking about OUR world not mine.

Old fashioned ideas.........No Dating Agencies.

New ideas.....Dating Agencies full of divorced or unfulfilled women.

Your choice in OUR world.

[sara3]

sqad, I have self-respect. I wouldn't want to be with a man who saw other women, even if he did choose to come back to me.

and there are men on dating sites!

how many affairs has your wife had?

[ummmm]

More than he knows about Sara....lol

[Bbbananas]

Not all men (and women) who go on dating sites are sad pathetic losers, or just out for an extra-marital sh@g. Where do you think I 'met' Plaid? Where in this godforsaken fenland would I have met such a guy? One who was (more than) solvent, caring, eccentric, amusing, and introduced me to a hobby (sailing) I would probably never otherwise have had the chance to do? (And no - the fact that he mentioned having a yacht in his dating profile was not what initially enticed me!!!!!)

[B00]

Sara, I applaud your self worth, honestly I do. But what you or I would do in this situatrion is a moot point. The fact of the matter is that Jessy's wife has chosen to forgive him and try to work at their marriage. With that in mind, she deserves that Jessy does likewise, and stops mooning over this woman and work at it with her. He obviously want's to so that's in its favour I guess.

[4getmenot]

I guess if a man went off with someone else then realised I was his one and only then maybe I might contemplate getting back with him but seems to me only reason he's going back is coz he cant have other woman