My husband wont sleep with me

[wendy33]

Ive been married for a year on Friday, and although I know my husband loves me, hes never been big into sex. Last night I saw his lovely big stash of porn on his xbox. He obviously stays up at night watching his porn while Im waiting in bed for him. Im only 30, I work out in the gym regularly and I always make an effort to look nice. Obviously its not a physical problem if he can sort himself out, so why wont he sleep with me? Does anybody else think its unusual that a man would rather sort himself out than sleep with his wife? We havent had sex for about 2 months and we have no kids. If I try initiate it I either feel like its such an ordeal or it just doesnt happen. Hes gone to work and Ive sent him a text asking am I that repulsive that he would rather watch porn than sleep with his wife and whats wrong with me. I have no problem with the porn as such, its the fact that Im not getting any sex at all. Im really upset about this and dont know where to go next or what to do...

[wendy33]

Thanks Andy I will do that- Yeh I initiate it regularly and it seems like an ordeal. I even say the night before we can have a go in the morning with a cheeky wink and he just gets up and makes breakfast. Im not a big ugly hag I have to add

[RATTER15]

Andy Hughes has given excellent advice, I couldnt have said it better! The male sex drive can be a very strange thing, it can be driven or killed off in a single stroke sometimes. There are medications out there to help his sex drive (if that is the answer) , I think a visit to a GP or therapist would be a great help, please be careful on how you approach this situation with him, if it is an issue he has with sex and i suspect he doesnt know what the problem is himself, the wrong approach could just make him even more secretive and make the problem worse. You sound like you are willing to stick by him through this, please be patient and try to understand that this could be an issue that is very deep rooted, This probably hurts him as much as its hurting you, not all us men can just flick a switch and get horny like all the Macho men out there would lead you to believe!! I bet he wants to satisfy you as much as you want him to. Good luck and dont give up on him yet, I think this can be resolved.

[cherrychapstick]

i really think you have to talk to him ask him why he never makes love to you ,tell him how you feel ,how long have you been together ? what kind of porn is he watching?

[RATTER15]

I have been reading some of these responses, very unhelpfull and no understanding of a problem that could end a marriage here, come on guys, this lady is going through hell and back here!!!!

[ummmm]

Like what RATTER?

[Mcvj]

This was something that was happening in my relationship - although in addition to internet porn he was on certain websites like alt.com to add girls on to messenger and chat to them (you'll be happy to know that he was dumped). I think that if he has a porn 'stash' then this is unlikely to be the problem as it suggests he's not particularly sneaky about his behaviour, just more embarrased when confronted.

Personally I think that this is a very common problem which could be sorted out with communication, he clearly just doesn't understand how you're feeling. You're married to this guy and it will get sorted, you'll look back on this one day.

I hope that it goes well xxx

[cazzz1975]

personally alarm bells would be ringing if you are having problems after only a year. you and he need to talk frankly.

[wendy33]

thanks for the helpful and well intended posts I will speak to him tonight and take it from there. Thanks again x

[Garmard]

Wendy33, do you know if your husband may have an underlying medical condition. Diabetes is one of the main contributors to erectile dysfunction. Prostrate problems are also a contributor........go with him to the docs and get him checked.
If not physical then it has to be whatever's going on in his mind, you and he may need counseling?

[wendy33]

Hi Garmard he has a thyroid condition but thats it, he sent me a message back saying Im not repulsive and hes sorry he made me feel like that and we will talk about it tonight. I dont know how Im going to stop the floodgates from opening though Im really hurt about it all

[Garmard]

I'm sorry wendy33, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

[ummmm]

Don't stop them then. It's an indicator of how you're feeling.

[wendy33]

thanks folks x

[andy-hughes]

Absolutely agree with ummmm - if you get your tears out, you will be able too talk without feeling 'bottled up' - and he may welcome a chance to comfort you, and tell you how he is thinkin / feeling.

Please let us know - fingers crossed from all of us.

[ummmm]

Men tend to hate seeing a woman cry. Especially if they are the cause of the tears.

[Prudie]

Are you sure he's satisfying himself when he's watching the porn? Does he get erections when you're together, say on waking? It could well be that in fact this is an erectile problem that he's unable to discuss or deal with. Hope you make some progress this evening.

PS I didn't know you could watch porn on an Xbox, can you get it for the PS3?

[stonekicker]

if i wasn't getting any and found a stash of porn, in whatever format; it would very swiftly be destroyed. and probably the x-box as well. as you can probably tell, i have a very short fuse for things of such a nature. stand up for yourself and tell him it is time to be honest. but, be warned. you may not like what you hear if you do - so be prepared. good luck x

[wendy33]

Well hes now saying he doesnt know how they got there, we arent speaking and Im no further forward. So hes thinking that Im stupid enough that he can lie about it. I dont even want to look at him. Im going to be trapped with him in Mexico for 2 weeks on our supposed honeymoon. Im actually hoping that volcano erupts. Things really arent good at all. He doesnt really get the morning glory thing Prudie, why would you watch porn if it wasnt doing anything though, would you not just watch normal tele?

[stonekicker]

of course he knows it was there. you actually have to download these things for them to appear on his xbox. tell him not to be a prat or you will throw the thing out the window the next time he goes out. or take a hammer to it. also, set yourself on strike. don't wash, clean, cook or do any chores for him until he talks to you and tell him you are on strike because of the unsatisfactory explaination. you can go on holiday and have a nice time, you know - just don't do anything with him! x

[dothawkes31]

oooo where in Mexico? It will be very hot and so you'll be able to relax and chill out and maybe spend abit of time getting to know each other better, but if he can't go or any reason i could make the flight and i know my way around Cancun really well wendy, ; )