sex with a married man

[ooh-la-la]

I meet a guy 4 weeks ago, went on a date with him and we got on really well. On the second date we had sex i began to like him even more. I meet him for the third time yesterday and after we had sex he told me he was married. I felt so crap, i just don't know what to do, i stayed with him for about a hour after he told me (without having sex) and he explained everything to me, even though he loves her they're sex life is rubbish, so he just needs someone to fill in that part. I don't really want a lot of commitment and i know if he's not doing it with me he'll find someone else, but then i keep thinking about his wife in the back of my mind. Owww, what a mess, i just don't know what to do what would you do if you were me?

[4getmenot]

and you say you dont want a commitment yet after 3 dates you have feelings for him. It cant be just sex for you if you have feelings. leave it before those feelings get stronger.

[LoftyLottie]

'In my experience celibate marriages pre-dominate' In all your previous marriages Sqad?

[craft1948]

I had the best sex ever with a married man............trouble was it didn't seem so great when his wife found out :-(

[Sqad]

Lofty...".rubbish" may not be the appropriate word but i will accept it, but celibacy is waht I had in mind.

If the wife is celibate then the husband should not be criticised for going "elsewhere"
If the husband is celibate then the wife should not be criticised for going "elsewhere"

Just take a look at elicitencounters.com...mainly for married women with husbands who have lost interest in sex and they, the wives, haven't.

Married men are not the only culprits in adultery, married women play their part.

[ummmm]

I don't think anyone should be denied sex....but more importantly affection...

[Greedyfly]

But it should be agreed between them. If a couple is not having sex for what ever reason, then it should be discussed. If one of them feels that cannot live without sex then they should either leave or discuss it with there other half. Not just do it behind there back.

[4getmenot]

agreed greedyfly. He cant just say she isnt giving me sex so get it elsewhere. Lying should never be allowed in a relationship.

[LoftyLottie]

But marriages can go through good and bad patches Sqad - most do in fact, so should either partners go off and seek sex elsewhere during these bad patches. Says a lot for their loyalty to their partner if they do! If a woman goes off sex it is very often the fault of the spouse. A woman's emotions are very tied in to her need for sex - an unloving, unappreciative husband can turn her off completely.

[Old_Geezer]

If it isn't agreed, then criticism is appropriate. Everyone has the right to form an "open relationship" if that is what they want, but it ought not be one sided. If it is a simple case of your partner no longer fulfilling what you need, then you ought to accept that, and either make a clean break, and go find someone who does, or put up with the deficiency for the sake of the relationship.

Meanwhile it is foolish to allow feelings to grow for someone who won't ever be the person you want them to be. It just leads to frustration and maybe worse. If you didn't meet in a 'swinging club', then move on fast. But I'm sure you know that, you just don't want to admit it.

[LoftyLottie]

ummmm, I so agree. And without affection most women don't want sex, especially once they have been married for a while and the lustful side has worn off somewhat.

[cazzz1975]

well please bear in mind oohlala, whilst you are developing feelings for this guy you run the risk of getting hurt. you will find this guy will never leave his wife and will continue to sleep with his wife as well as you and whoever else he feeds his sob story to. you are worth more than that.

[Sqad]

greedfly, may not be that black and white. Discussing sex is not always easy with some woman and leaving MAY not be the better option.

We are talking "mistresses" here and if ooh-la-la is happy to be a mistress, as many women are, then that is for her.

France, Greece, Italy accept the concept of the mistress, but the UK finds it difficult to accept.
I do not know the figures and I am only guessing, but I bet that the divorce rates in the UK are higher than in the countries that I have mentioned.

[ummmm]

Sqad...is it acceptable for women as well?

[Greedyfly]

I personally have wondered why we have monogamous relationships. I am in one and have been for about nine years or so and I would like to point out that I am happy. But I wonder if there would be less marriage/relationship breakdowns if people could get what they need elsewhere. I mean you can be in love with someone but they may not give you everything you need.

[ummmm]

Then you're with the wrong person imo....I couldn't bare the thought of my OH getting intimate with someone else.

[LoftyLottie]

It seems as if Ooh la-la's fella has had several mistresses. Does she really want to be one on a long list Sqad.

Mistresses are usually of long standing I believe and wives are usually aware that their husbands have them and are quite happy with it. This is a completely different scenario.

[cazzz1975]

divorce rates may be up in this country sqad but at least no one is living a lie

[Greedyfly]

Squad I am not completely against the idea myself. I am just saying I would prefer and honest relationship. If I couldn't provide what my partner wants/needs then I would want him to talk to me about it.

[Old_Geezer]

We have monogamous relationships because, even though most of us would like to be intiimate with many of the folk we meet, we are not keen on our partner being that close to another. So there is mutual agreement to forsake thee desires for others.

That said, it'd be interesting to know what percentage of folk have "strayed".

[Sqad]

cazz.....////.but at least no one is living a lie/////

Tell me that is a windup.