“the money is just kept by the pension company/or goverment. It is just lost.”
As has been pointed out, with the exception of lump sum or other payments to dependents (in accordance with the rules of individual schemes) the money is retained by the scheme. It is not “lost” as such because pension schemes operate like insurance policies. If you pay for a year’s car insurance but do not make a claim your premium is, at least as far as you are concerned, lost. But in fact it is used to pay claims made by other policyholders.
So it is with your pension. Pension schemes calculate their liabilities to their pensioners (and so the contributionsthey ask for) based on an average life expectancy following retirement. Of course not every pensioner will live for the exact term of this expectancy. Some will live longer, others shorter, so the lower payments made to those who live shorter than average are used to make the increased payments to those who live longer than average.
As has also been pointed out, the government has no involvement in this.