totaly numb maybe over reacting but feel lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sweetsleeps]

been in a relationship for over 4 years had coil removed for a break let my body sort its self out 15 years i had one and my partner was fine with it all wanted children etc been realy carefull not to leave myself open to the smallest chance or a miss hap in past due to my one and only childs dad leaving 36 weeks in to pregnancy! took a lot to do this to then after a year of leaving myself open to the chance iam then told its not the right time etc etc i wouldnt mind but the mind games started after that he made love to me but wouldnt put a condom on said he would just take it out before the deed oh hello how stupid can a man be at the age of 40 (sorry not all men) then the next time i made him put a codom on he had the cheek to check the wrapper afterwards not sure what is going on in his head have made an appiontment to have a new coil fitted but have to wait 3 weeks i wont let my wall down again thats for sure he is saying i shouldnt do it but i am not going to have my head messed around every time the road gets a bit bumpy it took me 2 years to actualy say yep this is the man i want to have children with i trust him and look what happerns i left myself open and vulnerabe to feel completly lost and numb i am not sure what i feel for him

[sara3]

can you break that down with some full-stops, as I can't work out what your question is?

[sweetsleeps]

not sure how to go back. laptop not playing today it took ages to do that as it keeps missing letters and jumping half way in a sentance. sorry
main question realy is am i being stupid about all this ?

[jackthehat]

About what, though ?
It really is very difficult to understand.
Can you just re-write the problem in a much shortened fashion ?

[boxtops]

Do you, or do you not, want children with this man? It sounds as if you don't, and he certainly doesn't. Therefore sex without a condom or any protective is really stupid - sqad will tell you that withdrawal isn't without risk of pregnancy.
If you are disagreeing about something as basic as this, perhaps - after all - he's not for you. How old are you?

[4getmenot]

you came off coil and now he doesnt want a baby but doesnt want you to go back on coil and you're worried you'll have another unwanted pregnancy?

[sweetsleeps]

long term relationship. deside to have chdren. other half after a year of not using any protection desides wants to stop trying. then starts playing mind games wont use a condom when made to he then checks the wrapper!!!!!! thinks its okay to have sex unprotected as long as its taken out befor his finished doesnt want me to get a coil fitted again but doesnt want to use condoms affects his perfomance

[jackthehat]

Would you be happy to be pregnant and alone ?
If not, sort out your own contraception and sod him.

[sweetsleeps]

old enough not to be stupid to make the same mistake twice .i would love to have a child with him. iam a mum already and i didnt just deside to take the coil out and get pregnant. it took me two years to deside thats waht i wanted to do i dont see it as a mistake my first child was never a mistake i would just like it to be better this time round whats wrong with that . and befor it is said if it took 2 yes to deside then it wasnt ment to be i dont agree i had health problems when we first desided and had to wait

[jackthehat]

There are several issues here.
1. You continue to want a child, it seems he doesn't; you need to have a long clear conversation about this.
2. If he doesn't want children insisting that *neither* of you use contraception (the withdrawal method in *NOT* contraception) is a stupid thing to do.
3. It appears that he is trying to get you pregnant whilst simultaneously insisting that it's not what he wants.......perhaps he is looking for a way out of the relationship ?

[annie0000]

Is he concerned about the fact that you haven't got pregnant after a year of trying and would rather pretend that he doesn't want kids than come out and say that he is worried something may be wrong?? Not saying that anything is wrong, a year of trying is perfectly normal, but he may be worried and not letting on.

[painterman32]

So what has changed his mind about having children?
The withdrawl method is totally unreliable. You need to sort out if you want to continue with this relationship, and/or find another method of contraception. If you got pregnant doing things his way (withdrawl method) would he stay with you? You need to think very carefully about what you want.

[Lore]

I don't understand why you would agree to sleeping with him if he checks condom wrappers and refuses to wear them - for his own selfish reasons - knowing he doesn't want a child.

It's up to you to protect yourself, even if you use a form of protection on a temporary basis, for peace of mind if nothing else.