Money As A Wedding Gift?

[thesecondlaw]

Next month, I am going to my nephew's wedding. He's a lovely bloke (as is all my sisters family), but I find it a bit much that he is asking for cash as a wedding day gift. His two brothers also wanted money. It seems kids today have everything they want before they walk down the aisle. My wife and I had a little notebook with ideas of things we needed for our new house, wouldn't dream of asking for money to blow on a holiday, the like of which we could never have afforded. So, is this now the norm?

[mallyh]

bednobs and elliemay you obviously thought £20 not a very good amount what would you give for an evening invite to a friends daughter ?

[maggiebee]

And to think I was happy with a pair of towels!

[jennyjoan]

I too gave money to my friends two sons' weddings last year Feb and Sept - both asked for money. This is a very good friend so I gave them £100 each. I know it sounds exorbitant but was suffice for me to do it as she has been a wonderful friend to me. But to be honest £20 does sound very meagre - if you could have scraped to £50 - I mean did £20 even cover the meal - probably not - so in effect they got nothing from you. Sorry

[jennyjoan]

^^^^ sorry MallyH - my post submitted to quickly there.

[mallyh]

i didn't have a meal just a sandwich and sausage roll and i'm not in a position to give £50 +to an aquaintance .as i said the couple didn't pay for anything .

[paddywak]

Just after I had my stroke back in 2000 Trish's favourite goddaughter was getting married and her and fellow had bought an old farm workers cottage and what they wanted was "jobs" and I ended up doing a full re-wire (You've loads of time now you've finished work,just think of it as therapy) It took me about three weeks to do my bit and just about every thing else was done by friends

[Bazile]

and the other reason they may want money is that they don't want naff presents or multiple duplicates of cups and saucers, toasters , tumblers , bed sheets , pillow cases , table cloths ......

oh , hang on ....

Bit of a Déjà vu for many ? - lol

[Retrochic]

I deal in Retro stuff and sometimes get deceased estate items of unused wedding presents from the 1950's. I wonder how money instead of these unused items would have helped these young couples in the 1950's

[Maydup]

I think £20 is fine for a friend's daughter. £50 for a close friend or relative and £100 for a couple very close to you. Equivalant to a good bathroom towel, a toaster or a small dinner service!

You might hear the phrase - HoneyFund - secondlaw. In which case the money collected goes toward the honeymoon.

[smoneybags]

We've had family members asking for cash. For one of them I made a cross stitch sampler of the wedding date. The wedding was in January. We've not had a thank you letter yet!

[bednobs]

hi Mallyh, i have no feelings one way or the other about whether £20 is a good amount or not - just pointing out that you say the people "did quite well" out of it, but if (like me) they paid for the reception themselves it's not really a case of that. Perhaps if the parents paid for the reception, it would have been a lot less hassle to cut out the middleman, have a two person register office deal and just get the parents to give the kids a shedload of money?

[thesecondlaw]

£100 in euros it is then. Thanks once again for all responses. A number of you have spoken of 'unused' or 'duplicate' presents, but that was partly my point about having the wedding list. If somebody wanted to buy you a specific gift, they would tear the page from the book. We loved opening the gifts at our Wedding Night hotel too (couldn't afford a honeymoon), but appreciate times change.

Regards.

[TWR]

We went to my friends Daughters wedding in Aberdeen 2 months ago, we put some money in a card as they had been living together for a few years.

[Retrochic]

To be honest I think its a bit of a cheek asking for money for a honeymoon. I would gladly give money for a deposit on a house or to furnish it, but a honeymoon is not a necessity and if the couple feel the need for one then it should be budgeted for. The last wedding we went to I bought the wedding cake as a present and they did not get any more money fro me. They had a box at the reception for money gifts towards a £4000 honeymoon to Bali -my daughter who is saving up to buy a house gave them £50 which she could ill afford -she still has not received a thank you note, neither have I for the £450 cake!

[chrissa1]

Hang on, hang on, Retrochic. If a couple have already bought their house and furnished it, where is the harm in asking for money for a lovely honeymoon, somewhere that they couldn't afford to go to, normally?

The recipients of your generosity are certainly at fault for not thanking you for your gift but, don't tar all wedding couples with the same brush.

[ummmm]

When our mate got married we gave money towards the honeymoon fund. Like Chrissa says...they already have a house and had been living together for a number of years.

They saved hard for their wedding...and we all helped with the honeymoon. They'd booked their honeymoon so were going regardless. We just helped make it more carefree...

(when I say 'we' I mean all of our friends)

[Prudie]

My only gripe with it is as the amount is there and black and white it makes one feel obliged to give more than one would on a present and puts unnecessary pressure on guests who can't afford it. Getting a meal in return is irrelevant, attending the wedding can often be a requirement rather than something you really want to do.

[jennyjoan]

Prudie - I don't find going to a wedding a requirement at all no way. I have been invited to so many now I can't count - lately in the 6 years I felt I had to go these weddings but there were about another 10-11 invitations after that and I felt no obligation to go BUT I still gave them a present.

[ummmm]

Prudie - The amount shouldn't matter. Even if you can't afford to give anything, it shouldn't matter.

[pips1]

I used to get excited if I was invited to a wedding but not any more, in fact I dread it as it has all got so ridiculously expensive. Hen/Stag weekends run into the hundreds of pounds now plus you have outfits, presents, transport, etc etc to fork out for. Half the time they don't even stay together for that long and don't even get me started on 'thank you' messages/cards.