Who said life at home was easy????

[ollie06]

I have now being with my partner for just over 4 years, she has always had certain problems as her relationship with her mother was not that good - although they dont usually show until she has had alcohol or around Xmas time - as she lost her mum just before xmas. I dont mean to sound harsh but this was three years just over now (not that i'm wanting her to forget about it) but just not to cause other people misery as she is finding times hard. I have only spent 2 out of 5 New Year Eves with her as she always seems to stand me up and just want to get drunk alone.

Lately she has been quite mean in someways to myself and my son, my son is a very good boy and obviously at times has his moments (as all 5 year olds do!!) but nothing specific. All she talks about is disapline ALL the time and its just over the top.

We had an arguement a few nights ago as my son made a comment about he was not talking to her and he was talking to me (i asked him to speak nicely to her and he apologised immediatly) so she stormed off into the shower and came down stairs 30mins later with a face like thunder. At this point my son and i were playing with some magic tricks and she went mad saying we shouldnt play in the living room as she was trying to watch Emmerdale!! so should go in the kitchen. This absolutly infuriated me as we all live there and i dont see any harm with a child playing nicely on the carpet with some xmas toys.

We didn't speak for 2 days after this incident and i played with my son upstairs out of her way. Last night we started speaking again but there was no mention of her behavior or apology and i dont feel i can go on like this without having it out with her...... I'm fed up of feeling uncomfty in my own home. Please help ;-)

[HJT40]

I wonder if there are one or two issues here? I lost my mum just before Christmas 8 years ago, and I admit that we had quite a good relationship, but it still hits me quite hard, for your partner it is still early days, especially if there are any unresolved issues. Would she talk to anyone, if not you, like a counsellor about these problems. It sounds like she needs to talk, but doesn't know how. Is she good at talking about things usually?

With regards the problem you are having with your child and discipline, it is something I see frequently with my brother and his partner. Can't do right for doing wrong and then it is never talked about. How is your relationship, as a general rule are you happy together?

In an overall picture, although I am not a professional and could be 100% wrong, it would seem like your partner is attention seeking, like a child would, and quite often doing it the wrong way. Perhaps she wants you to confront her behaviour so that she can say what is on her mind without instigating the conversation, if that makes sense?

Hope it all works out!

[HJT40]

Sorry, me again. Alternatively could she have a problem with the parent child relationship as yours and your son's is so good and all she can remember is the bad relationship with her mum?

[Delgirl]

Hi, this sounds like the classic symptoms of a lady who is hugely depressed, when depression takes hold the smallest of things is so huge to someone suffering from it. I used to suffer from it myself and the stupidest of things would esculate into something that took over my life completely and I could not think about anything else. I hate to say it but it does sound like your partner needs help, I do not know if she has done so already, but councilling worked absoloute wonders for me, I did not want to talk to my family about my problems, I was too embarrased!

[ollie06]

Thanx v much for your suggestions i found them very helpful. Hopefuly things will improve sooooooon. ;-)

[mycats]

If she had a bad rel;ationship with her mother she probably has no frame of refernce regarding children. Shje wont know whats acceptable behaviour from a child or approriate responces.
You have to talk to her when she is calm, maybe get her to talk to her doctor? Your son HAS to feel comfortable and relaxed at home
Good luck to both of you x