My problem.

[pamnez]

I have a problem. I have 2 grandchildren 6 and 9. I have looked after them since they were 9 months old . Term time, I take them to and from school and now I have them 3 days in the school holidays. Hubby and I have them on Saturdays and we take them on holiday once a year. My daughter-in-laws parents live up in Scotland about 150 miles away from us and only come back 4 or 5 times a year. My daughter-in-laws dad is retiring January and they are coming back to live. The feeling of resentment that I feel is overwhelming as I know that my daughter-in-law will take the little ones to her mum's house rather than mine, which is how it should be. I hate the way that I feel and I feel so ashamed. Can anyone help me to come to terms with having to share my only grandchildren?

[EngTeach]

I think the novelty of having her parents back will wear off. You and Mr. Pamnez have been very important in the lives of those children. Her parents may not be quick to pick up the slack in the babysitting department, as they are not used to them. I understand your feelings and you are entitled to them. Just bide your time and see how it all plays out. If needed remind your son how good they've had it all these years. I assume you took them to school so they could both be off to work. If her parents are just settling into retirement, they may not want to be tied down to such a schedule.
GOOD LUCK

[leewayne]

I think she will realise what good grandparents you both are and her parents wont live up to much as you do such a wonderful job,i wouldnt worry to much.I can tell your grandchildren love you very much by what you do for them and that you actually want to see them.My mother in law doesnt bother with our children,always too busy which really hurts me,we only live round the corner,so believe me your doing a marvellous job and that will shine through.I'd be so proud to have grandparents like you for my children,so im sure your son and daughter in law must realise that,dont fret!!!

[spudqueen]

Calm down, calm down! How do you know that your daughter-in-law will take the children to her Mums house rather than yours? And also why should it be that way? Whatever you do, don't show your jealousy. My Mum was the most jealous person around. When my first child was born my Mum turned up at the hospital saying oh well, his other Grandma will see more of him than I will (despite my Mum living 30 miles away and my Mother-in-law living 150 miles away). I tried never to treat them differently, visiting them in turn and going to them in turn over Christmas. This did not stop my Mum being jealous and it spoiled our relationship really.

Having said that, why don't you plan some time on your own/with hubby doing new things. With having the in-laws so close you may end up with more time on your hands but use it wisely and take up a new hobby or spend more time on an old one or just get out and about more. It will stop you dwelling on the grandchildren (and as they are so close it sounds to me as if you're still going to be seeing an awful lot of them) and open up a new area of your life.

[pamnez]

Many many thankyous EngTeach and leewayne for being so understanding and for the nice things that you wrote. Also many many thankyous to spudqueen for the kick up the backside that you gave me. I needed the sympathy and the hard word and they have both worked. I feel so much better today and much more positive. Pam.

[cityblue]

pamnez
i was so touched by your question. I have two children who are seen for to hrs one day a week by their maternal grandparents and cant remember when they were last seen by their paternals, were talking months and months. both sets live within a ten minute drive. Your son and grandchildren are lucky to have you.

[pamnez]

I cannot believe that anyone chooses not to see their grandchildren. I also have 2 step grandsons who are 15 and 17 and we have had them since they were 5 and 7. We have taken them to Butlins for long weekends and to pantomimes and the seaside for day trips. I have been really touched by your replies and I can assure you that they have really helped me. Pam.

[taperface]

Pam - Just have a quiet word with your daughter in law & say that you hope you'll be able to see as much of your grandchildren as you've always done. I'm sure this'll be the case, but the grandparents up in Scotland will also be happy to see more of their grandchildren as well. It sounds as if you've done a great job so far - and will continue to, but I can't help wondering why the children's parents seem to be leaving you all to it. Too many couples seem to put going to work before looking after their own families these days. Couldn't one of them give a litle more in-put?

[pamnez]

Many thanks for your advice taperface. It was most helpful. I do feel able to cope with the situation now after all the brilliant advice.