I caught my wife

[RavenD]

I had a one night stand three years ago which I told my wife about 7 months ago. Four months ago she admitted to flirting with a guy at work, then 3 days ago I found out she'd been having an online affair four the past 4 weeks and was about to go away for the weekend to meet him for sex. ( as she had organized to visit her family in Wales for the weekend )

She met him on facebook and told me that she did it as I didn't give her any attention. But I'm always buying her flowers, I never object to what she wears or when she wants to go out with her friends, I do 99% of the housework and looking after the kids.

I've been completely faithful since the admitting my indiscretion and I would never do it again. Do I deserve this? Am I a bad husband ?

she begged my forgiveness which I gave, but how can I trust her not to do it again after she has obviously looked and wanted other men twice now ?

She said she wants to be with me and that she will never do it again, She has ripped out my heart again and stood on it. Maybe I deserve this.

[Lakitu]

Hi Raven,

Nobody 'deserves' it, not her when you cheated and not you this time.

It sounds like she's struggling to deal with your indiscretion more than she's letting on and this is why she's doing what she is.

Since it came out about this latest man, have you both sat down and talked about everything? About what each of you want from the other?

[Ethel]

Why you did you tell her you had been unfaithful - what did you hope to achieve?

Everything you say about trust applies to her, too. How can she trust you again?

You say you never object to what she wears - do you compliment her on what she wears?

It's going to take hard work on both sides - you are both battered and bruised emotionally, but you need to remember it is you that has been unfaithful, not your wife

[RavenD]

We've talked everything over and told each other how much we love one another, but I can understand if it was just the once. But to do it a second time, to me that's just a serial adulterer. Before I met her and we got married, she was having a relationship with a married man.

I'm due an extremely large amount of money from car accident, in which I was disabled. I'm now becoming paranoid that once I have this money she will divorce me and take away my children.

[RavenD]

to Ethel.

How can you say my has not been faithful after flirting with a guy at work, then exchanging extremely explicit sexual messages with another man and organizing to meet him for sex ?

[Ethel]

She can't take away your children - you have as much 'parental rights' as your wife.

If your life has changed drastically because of this accident - unable to work, ill health - it is probable that you have too much time to think, and could be depressed and / or suffering from anxiety.

[Lakitu]

Raven,

I'm sorry but to tell one another you love another isn't, as much as we'd love it to be, enough.

The trust has been broken and you both need to work at getting it back.

I wouldn't have said that flirting with someone at work is cheating.

[sqad617]

Ethel is correct.....NEVER, NEVER, infidelity until you are found out and then deny it until the evidence is indisputable and then plead INSANITY.....that is a Golden Rule for philandering.

The wife: now her weekend away with Mr Wonderful doesn't equate to a "one night stand", and she clearly has "history"

Prognosis for the future of your marriage, in my opinion, is poor.

I too would question the destination of your compensation.

Good luck.

[sqad617]

"It sounds like she's struggling to deal with your indiscretion more than she's letting on and this is why she's doing what she is."

Yeah! yeah...affair before you were married and 2affairs after your marriage, against your "one night stand"........i doubt that she is struggling at all.

[RavenD]

Thanks guys, I will really try to work this out. I can't believe it has got this far. I don't want to lose my wife and my children.

I guess it has all been my fault for straying in the first place.

[sqad617]

Raven.....please do not take that submissive attitude that it is all your fault.......it's NOT......and she will see this as a sign of weakness on your part. Assert yourself and lay down a few ground rules for the future.

[RavenD]

thx sqad, your right. I've never stood up to her and always let her do anything she wants. Thanks again. The penny has finally dropped.

[Lakitu]

Ground rules, Squad? She's not a feking dog.

[sqad617]

." But I'm always buying her flowers, I never object to what she wears or when she wants to go out with her friends, I do 99% of the housework and looking after the kids."

Stop buying her flowers, regulate her "night out" with "friends", she is the housewife, let her do most, or equal part of the housework......let her do her fair share of looking after the kids.
How have you let this state of affairs happen......or is it, as I expect, the female's version of the "modern husband" and all the benefits that goes with that new situation.

[sqad617]

lakitu.....well she should stop acting like one.(Bitch)

P.S Good morning lakitu

[Lakitu]

Raven has hardly been Mr perfect either and at the end of the day he DID dip his wick in another woman, she hasn't.

I'm not condoning her behaviour, nor do I think that one bad turn deserves another, but I do understand why she has been doing it.

I agree that you should be buying flowers all the time etc., but you DO need to sit down and talk like the adults you are. Tell her you're sick of doing all the housework etc. She's punishing you for your indiscretion and you're letting her.

Ground Rules?! LMAO!

p.s. Morning Sqaddy xx

[sqad617]

lakitu.....my idea of ground rules:

Take her over your knees, lift her skirt up, smack her bottom hard and then say "Now let's discuss our problem in an adult manner"

Love you lakitu LOL LOL

[Lakitu]

LOL, that's my idea of a great evening ;o)

[sqad617]

LOL LOL lakitu.

[andy-hughes]

I am sorry to hread of your situation Raven.

There is obviously a brerakdown of trust on both sides of this marriage.

Your wife feels neglected and has saught attention elsewhere. You feel guilt and mistrust because of your previousd actions.

What you really need is professional help.

Arrange to see a Relate counselor who will talk things over with you, separately and together, and explore a way forward for both of you.

This is something beyond your mutual experience, so bring in the experts - you have nothing to loose at this stage, and everything to gain.

Hope it works out for you.

[sqad617]

"This is something beyond your mutual experience, so bring in the experts - you have nothing to loose at this stage, and everything to gain."


Cripes Andy, don't let Ethel see you spelling loose inappropriately.....see her thread.