Father in law with Dementia

[ruthandsam]

Hi
I just need some advice please regarding this sensitive situation.
My father in law was in hospital for 5 months for treatment/care with regards to his dementia/parkinsons disease. He has been allowed home (for one reason or another). Care package in place by Social Services = 30 mins help to get him dressed in the morning (mother in laws decision). District nurse calls in (not sure how often). He's been home 2 weeks. My Mother in law is his primary carer (her choice and is in her 70s).
Last night she rang us in a state saying her husband was hurting her, was paranoid, being disruptive and she was in tears and understandably upset. This is the first time it has happened since he has been home.
My question is: as my mother in law refuses any extra help via Social Services and will not contemplate him going into a home, can the children, ie my husband and his brother, go over her head and arrange for some extra care for him via SS or contact his GP . We are all so worried about M as she looks shattered and is obviously finding it hard to see him change from being a passive wonderful man to an aggressive and unpredictable person.
I don't want to cause any more friction in the family with this sensitive issue, however, I am really worried that she will get severely hurt. She will not entertain extra help from SS but will contact us in the middle of the night or at a moments notice when the situation gets out of hand. Last time we rang for an ambulance, etc and he was sectioned under the MH Act and remained in hosp for several months.
It's amazing the lengths a person will go to for a loved one - she's an amazing women (if not stubborn)!

[zzxxee]

you will have to tell her that you admire her but you cant all come out in the middle of the night and if shes calling on you she obviously needs help maybe if you suggest respite care for a week or two where she can visit her husband in a home she will see the kind of care he will get and she can visit all day if need be and still be very much his career but she needs time to relax good luck to you all x

[ruthandsam]

Thanks zzxxee for your advice. My mother in law has agreed to the respite care! Yippee - thanks again, it has put our minds at rest! xxx