Bad Dreams

[Sasha13]

Hi everyone, I'm writing this on behalf of a friend who doesn't have access to the internet, but needs some advice! About two nights ago his 4 year old daughter had a very bad nightmare - she woke up in the middle of the night, screaming and shaking and obviously very upset. She now won't go into her bedroom and is having trouble getting to sleep. He obviously wants to nip this in the bud as soon as possible. Any ideas?? Thanks.

[dmsjps]

Poor little thing. I don't know if my suggestion will be any good and I'm sure you'll get lots, but has she got a night light if she thinks there's something bad in the dark? My daughter had one or two bad dreams that made her so scared she came to our room when she was little (about 4 or 5 actually, coincidentally) and I calmly took her back to bed, snuggled her in and told her it was just a bad dream. She was OK. I think if you flap it can make them worse.

Funnily enough, my daughter and I have recently discussed the bad dreams she had when she was little now that she's older (she can still remember them so they really did spook her) and she thinks we did the right thing with her. However, every child is different - as is every parent - and I'd hate to think your friend's daughter was upset more by something I'd suggested!

Was it a dream or was there something else? Is there a tree outside that 'taps' her window, or is the wallpaper offending her? We redecorated my daughter's room once because the nice, cartoon wallpaper of the daytime turned into witch's faces at night (I actually had to spend some time in that room in the dark once to see it, but once it had appeared, it was always there, and just as she described). Has the cat jumped on your friend's little girl for a cuddle while she was asleep, then when she reacted so suddenly, disappeared from the room?

I hope someone else can be more useful than I've been and I hope your friend manages to get to the bottom of the problem because there can't be many things worse than seeing your daughter's distress in that situation.

[spudqueen]

He could try putting a dimmer switch on so that she can go to sleep with the light on low, other than that maybe a quick redecoration and possibly moving the furniture round would help (know what dmsjps means about wallpaper - my cousin had nightmares about the Diddymen on his wallpaper coming to marmalise him when he was little - my Gran ended up sleeping in that room!

[Otrere]

You can also try an "autofade" bedside light. It has a button that allows you to leave the room and the light slowly fades to darkness and switches off after about 15 minutes.

Another thing I would suggest is if your friend takes his daughter into her room during the day and show her that everything is safe, that there are no monsters under the bed and nothing hidden in the wardrobe etc. etc. Try to get her to say what is scaring her and then show her that its all perfectly normal and there is nothing to be afraid of.

Bless her, poor little thing.

[butterfly76]

maybe there is a spirit in her room. You hear of these things children are very sensitive.

[Lil-Ol-Me]

Great idea to discuss the difference between reality and dreams with him. Another good way of helping him to deal with it... as it is very real to him.... is to ask him to draw a picture of the dream, stay with him as he draws and let him talk freely about it, ask him why he chosen that colour, and what does that colour make you feel like... after he has finished the drawing get him to tear it up and throw it in the bin... explain that this is what you will be doing at the start or suggest it to him subtly as he's drawing. By ripping it up and throwing it away it like destroying the dream itself and getting rid of it. Another way is to use clay, then get him to bash and smash it up when he's made his model then ask him to make something for you a little present that the 2 of you can share... like a little bowl. This way he is confronting his fears of the dream by taking control of what happens to it, and by turning it into something positive (like the bowl) then it also teaches him that there is always a positive side to anything negative. Join in with him in painting the bowl and praise him to the hilt the whole time, and afterwards put something nice in the bowl like lovely scented pot pourri. Hope this helps.