Teenaged Boy

[annkennedy]

I am recently married and my teenaged boy decided almost immediately to move in with his Dad, after being with me the majority of time for over 10 years. Now, my new husband has gotten a new job offer 2000 miles away and we both want to go, but the teenager does not want to go, because as he says, he moved out, so that is his answer. What do I do? I want a new start with my new husband and this child does not want anything more to do with me since I remarried.

[Bexxybex123]

Have you spoken to his Dad? And you say he's a teenager, but exactly how old is he? If he's at the top end of childhood, I'd say let him have his independence. Make sure to tell him that if he ever changes his mind then he is still welcome, because if you just leave he may think you're abandoning him. Remember he does have a brain, so try talking to him as you would an adult, explain how you're feeling and you never know, he might tell you how he's feeling!

[smudge]

If he won't listen to you, perhaps you could write him a reall nice letter explaining your situation - but most of all, that you love him very much.

(P.S. If you do write, it might be best to keep a copy of your letter for future reference).

[smudge]

*really

[BJJ]

it is obviously very hard for you to accept that your son may not want to be with you, you say you want a new life with your new husband 2000 miles away? If that is the case then all you can do is try to explain, as smudge has said, that you really love him and will always be there for him if he changes his mind. You must remember of course that he has been with you for the past 10 years and by moving 2000 miles away, if he were to come with you, you would be effectively denying his father of any contact with his son as well. It is most likely that your son still loves you but he wants to stay in the area he knows, with his friends and family. He'll always be your son, when he is more mature he'll accept the hard decision you have had to make.

[Otrere]

I was gonna say something very similar along the lines of BJJ - he very probably doesn't want to move 2000 miles away from his school/friends etc.

He's a person in his own right and needs to be happy and free to make his own choices and stick by them, to learn from mistakes etc. etc.

If things don't work out living with his dad then he always has the option to move in with you - so long as he is always free to come and visit and you maintain a loving and understanding relationship, let him make his own choice and let him live with it. It will be good preparation for him when he is a fully-fledged adult with his own place, his own responsibilities etc.

Just make sure he always knows that you are there for him.