Strange lie....

[Smowball]

Just found out that my son has told one of his friends that his dad is dead! He doesnt know that I know he said that, my husband over heard him talking to his friend in his bedroom as he walked past. What an odd thing to say, and dont quite know how he will keep that fib going!

[albaqwerty]

Too many questions from me..

Your husband is your son's stepfather isn't he?
Does your son see his birth father?
Does your son want to have contact with his birth father?

Maybe it was just easier for him to explaini to his pal why he has a step-father?

[baza]

did he hear the whole conversation, your son might have said "he's dead lucky to have a son like me"
Just a thought.

[Smowball]

Son gets on well with dad who lives couple hours away, but rarely bothers to come and see him - he has only seen him once this year! Even though I constantly offer contact. But they speak on the phone and FB.

I did ask hubby was he absolutely sure he heard right and he said yes - friend asked so wheres your real dad then? and son said he was dead.

[albaqwerty]

It's just my opinion, but if he told his pal his dad lives a couple of hours away, pal might have pushed for more info which would upset your son.
I'm going with the 'it was easier for your son' to say that to his pal.

How are YOU feeling about it though?

[Smowball]

Well I would have liked to ask him about it but then he would know that he had been overheard and might have thought he was being spied on(he wasnt!). And he would probably deny saying it anyway. I know he isnt particularly impressed with his dad( he doesnt work, doesnt pay any maintenance for him - never has) so maybe its to do with that.

[albaqwerty]

'I know he isnt particularly impressed with his dad'

I think therein lies the answer. If memory serves, son is 11 or 13 isn't he?
Maybe a bit younger? (i'm sorry, can't remember exact age) x

It's not exactly an easy thing to bring up in casual conversation in a day or two is it?! x

[Smowball]

He is 13. Think im going to have to ignore it really.

[albaqwerty]

You never know, he might tell you he told his pal what was said.
Sons can be strange things at times :-)

[elliemay1]

I don't think there's anything sinister in it. He prob thought it would stop his friend asking any more qns.

[boxtops]

Knowing how odd teenspeak can be sometimes - e.g."sick" means "really great" - do you think "dead" might mean something else to your son?

[magsmay]

Smowball - this will probably not sit well with you but...how about going into your son's bedroom and saying in a kind non confrontational tone ' (name) overheard you telling your friend your real dad was dead -did he misunderstand? -did you really say that?' -its called communication -this is not something to 'just ignore' your really should talk more with both your son and your OH - it could be a simple misunderstanding or something really bothering your son and as a parent it needs to be addressed. It could also be your OH stirring......

[FredPuli43]

Probably the simplest answer he could give,on the spur of the moment, not wishing to go into a longer explanation. The dad is lucky; at least he has a fate;my daughter, when about 9,tried to stop me introducing myself to her classmates, when I was just about to, explaining "Don't! I have told everyone that you're my grandfather."

[Smowball]

Am going to ask him about it when he gets in from school. I do understand about the teen language thing - he often says " My bad", which apparently means " My mistake" !!??

And yes have considered OH is stirring, but cant see why. Will see what teen smow says later x

[angel_me]

depending on the age of ur child, he might just have a really silly reason for making such a comment. but u, not ur husband should ask him, why he said it, do not do it in such a way that he feels he will be punish. children are strange and it might not be that he is ashamed of his dad either

[angel_me]

i just saw ur answer, so it was his step dad who heard the comment. children have minds of their own, however, his real dad must not be giving him the care and attention ur child feels he should be getting from him. so to ur child he is dead. parents should remember that a child matures everyday and they know how to compare relationships and what to expect from relationships. now he knows that his stepdad is not his real dad but he probably shows affection attention and love to him, while his real dad does not. maybe he has deduced that if his stepdad does that and don't have to then his real dad must not care too much for him and to him he is dead. u cannot make a child love someone, ur child must be really hurt and probably feeling rejected, his only defence is to say that his dad is dead

[Arksided]

It may have being simply an 'off the cuff moment' knowing that step-dads in earshot.

[Prudie]

I'd read it that he's ashamed to tell his friend that he has an absent father who isn't doing the fatherly role and is easier and more acceptable to say he's dead. I wouldn't read much into it, it's quite common for kids/teens to embellish the truth sometimes.