17 yr old Daughter

[DJKC]

I have a 17 yr old Daughter, The thing is i met my wife when she was 17 and i know what we were getting upto back then, if you know what i mean. The thing is i know that boys nowadays only want one thing, I DJ in pubs and private parties and hear what goes on. I fear for my daughter and don't want her to fall for the first lad that woe's her. She is a great lass and a good looker, she also seems to have her head screwed on right. But i cant stop worrying, probably a Dad thing. Anybody having the same worry ?

[Peri]

I think anybody with teenagers these days has that worry DJKC.  I have a 16 year old boy and 2 younger girls.  I really dont know what the answer is - just give them guidance and watch them as closely as possible but as with ourselves they have to make their own choices.  To be honest I could do without the next few years - they will be interesting to say the least.

[curiosity]

I tend to let mine ' over hear' some distressing stories or moral tales, or opinions and values in an informal way, as well as get involved in "egg shell walking" relationship debate at gatherings. They probably do impressions of me letting them 'over hear' these moral stories, but I like to think I do my bit. You say she's got her head screwed on, and that's how I feel, but it doesn't stop the worry or anticipation does it? Can't help really, feel the same, but I do try to brainwash myself with the view, that arn't I lucky that my kids are developing normally and are doing the things I did, but probably from a more sensible and informed frame of mind. I'm a woman however, the first time a lad came to the house for my daughter (15) her Dad answered and blurted out "she's not in" he was in shock for a day I'm sure. He's since learn't to accept that she's growing up, and has a repertoire of odd facial expressions he pulls depending on the subject matter, which say "don't tell me I don't need to know" please.

[GavC]

Hi DJKC, I have the same problem with my daughter, she is 16.  I have had loads of good advice on here about what to do.  She recently brought her first boyfriend home to meet me and that was a big thing for me!  I think that as a lot of people on here have said, it's best to advice her and then see what course she takes.  Regardless of what you say or do she is going to do what she wants anyway. (I know, it's scary).  If she has her head screwed on then you are very lucky to have a daugter like that.  good luck.

[Gef]

DJKC, boys have only ever wanted one thing - I know I used to be one! I have two daughters aged 22 and 26 and our relationships when they were in their late teens were always based on openess and trust. I am sure that you are the same. It doesn't mean that we don't all worry at some time though.

[simsfreq]

This is my opinion, as a 17-year-old girl.

I don't live with my dad but I do have a good relationship with my mum regarding this kind of thing. I know that mums and dads are different too but hope this will help!

You sound like a cool sort of dad, if you're a DJ, so it should be quite easy to talk to your daughter.

First of all I would suggest you try talking to her about sex and how boys are (some of the time) only after one thing. She'll probably see it as a lecture but try to make her see it's only because you care. It might be easier to get her mother to talk to her if they're close.

Secondly try not to scare off her boyfriends or you will lose her trust and respect!!

Thirdly, she's going to get hurt some time. The best thing you can do for her is to make sure she knows about contraception. Rather than making her feel uncomfortable about the situation you and/or your wife could talk to her about contraception, so she doesn't feel she has to hide the fact that she is sexually active. Basically say "I'm OK with you having sex (Even if you're NOT!) as long as you have it safely"

Another thing you could do is enlighten her a bit on the male mind and how he might try to get her, don't scare her, just make her aware and try to teach her some ways of saying no.

You can't afford to wrap her up and stop her from getting hurt. The ultimate best thing you can do is be there for her when it goes wrong. She has to learn by her own descisions, not yours. And trust me, if you can get this right (Which I can understand must be the most difficult thing about having a teenage daughter!) you'll be the number one man in her life. (Sorry that sounds so corny! And sorry this was so long!)

[Morrisonker]

as a 19 year old girl I'd like to venture my own opinion.  First off I'd say that Simfreqs advice isn't ideal for every family, if you aren't close to your daughter (i mean if you don't regularly talk about her lovelife etc) then please don't start talking to her about contraceptives etc.  It'll be embarrassing for both of you and mostly pointless as hopefully by 17 she'll have had The Talk already.  Frankly, she isn't going to want to talk to you about it and trust me, you don't want to hear about it.  You should, however, talk to her about alcohol and dangers of getting her drinks spiked etc because it's becoming more common.

She might get her heart broken one day, but when that happens just be there for hugs and stuff, let her be your little girl again, in all honesty you don't need to say anything, just be there for her.  

If you feel that you have to let her know about boys and what they want then try and keep it light hearted.  If she mentions a boy she's seeing then maybe just smile and say 'make sure you play safe' (you might even get away with this infront of the boyfriend) or something. Don't go into details and outright acknowledge that she might be having sex.  Oo, if you get a paper like The Times they sometimes have special supplements about teen sex and stuff, if you see a relevent one, leave it in her room with a note, thats what my dad did when I started seeing my boy.  There was nothing I didn't know but even so, I appreciated it.

She sounds cool and honestly, us teenage girls are a lot more savvy than the media gives us credit for.  All those trashy magazines she buys have ooddles of information about sexual health/relationships etc so don't fret. 

Eeep, here ends my rant, apologises for the length!