Too Harsh On 5 Year Old?

[Kathdoug76]

My 5 year old daughter was very naughty last night. I had asked her to move her noisy toy from being near me to nearer to her. She absolutely hit the roof. She started throwing her toys, plate of flood at me. She fit me full force on my back which really hurts.
She also picked up her Annabel car carrier and throw it against our glass door! I told her not to do this but she just went ahead.
After she had calmed down we asked her to tidy up the mess she had made. She eventually did.
She apologised for her behaviour - as always - she apologises but then still behaves the same.
As a consequence we have confiscated her favourtie doll.
She has a birthday party this afternoon from 4 to 6pm. I told her last night she does not deserve to go.
Would it be too harsh to not let her go?
I feel she is old enough to have consequences for such naughty behaviour.
She is quite an intelligent 5 year old.
If i don't take her to the party, her friend will still receive the gift we bought.
I would be grateful for opinions please and please only helpful comments appreciated.

[Kathdoug76]

Please note - she has done this before

[Old_Geezer]

IMO it is you choice.

That said, and stressing I've never been a parent, it seems the sort of punishment one should be aware of before playing up. I might be tempted to have a late reprieve as a concession she understands she was lucky to get.

[TonyV]

think OG's advice is good plan, I would not stop her going, my 9 year old granddaughter, going on 19. Son and Daughter in law both sing from the same page and their course of action is to normally send her to her bedroom to allow her to calm down and have a think about her actions.

[ummmm]

Why did you let it continue? Taking away a doll is not really punishment, especially for hitting you.

[bhg481]

She's certainly got you trained, hasn't she? There's little point threatening a punishment and then not carrying it out - she's learned that you don't mean it because she continues in her bad behaviour.

[geevo41]

I think you have reached a watershed in your relationship with your daughter. I would hold my ground and not let her go. If you relent now she will think that you will again. Next time she behaves really badly any threat to punish her will be taken seriously. I know it's very hard to do this - good luck.

[ummmm]

I would probably let her go to the party. It's her who was naughty, not the birthday girl.

[rowanwitch]

Never had kids but I know you can't have an empty threat. However a better option might be removal of something for an extended period. Perhaps a favourite tv programme o r toy. She only gets it back after a week of no kicking off. Then if she does it again two things for two weeks etc. Doubt you will get to four weeks.
The other thing is 'Amends'. She is too young to pay repair s. But she could do little things like putting away toys, without reward.
Also the temper thing might be coming from somewhere else in her head. It just spills over at you. Might be worth trying to find out if something is upsetting her. Might be nothing to you but to a little one could be huge

[bednobs]

i agree - if you do not follow through with your threat she will just know the consequences of bad behaviour are a moveable feast.
I would not let her go.

[bednobs]

but in future i would only issue threatss i was willing to stick to

[LadyCG]

I wouldn't let her go. I'm sure the birthday girl will be fine.

If there's no deterrent, you daughter's behaviour will continue to worsen.

[THECORBYLOON]

Don't let her go. It's hardly too harsh if her actions led to your being injured and in pain still.

[Prudie]

I wouldn't let her go if you've already made that threat otherwise she'll always know she has you under her control. However if I had a 5 year old behaving like this and showing signs of what amounts to violence as a way to get what they wanted I'd be tearing my hair out and seeking professional advice.

[bednobs]

"professional advice" sounds a bit ott for a 5 yo, 5 year olds do not have the emotional maturity to always know exactly ehat to do with their feelings which can sometimes be overwhelming and that means that emotions sometimes spill over into physical. What's she like at school i wonder?

[ummmm]

It should have been dealt with last night as soon as she started throwing her toys. I would have put her straight to bed and if she started again the next day then no party.

[New Judge]

It sound to me as if your child is in danger of believing that her actions have no consequences. What you describe is, I believe, quite a serious episode of petulance. She threw things at you (including a plate of food) and hit you as hard as he could (it must have been hard for a five year old to "really hurt" an adult). She could have caused lasting damage or quite serious injury - particularly if the plate of food had hit you in the face. Despite being so young she is actually showing signs of serious anger management issues and it needs addressing.

If you look at my answer to this question:

https://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/News/Question1691261.html

You will see where I'm coming from. Of course I'm by no means suggesting that your child will take up knives. But my point in answering that question the way I did is to suggest that misbehaviour, unless addressed early on, simply persists and usually worsens.

I believe you should prevent her going to the birthday party. This was a serious episode of misbehaviour and warrants a serious sanction. She needs to learn that simply apologising afterwards is insufficient. Her bad behaviour has to stop ("..she apologises but then still behaves the same"). She seems to be developing the belief that her behaviour is perfectly acceptable providing she apologises afterwards.

Taers will no doubt flow and possibly even another tantrum. But how else wil she learn to moderate her behaviour? Your call, I think.

[Prudie]

I meant professional advice to me/the mother not the child and that's what I'd do. I've only had one child so no expertise at all but although she threw the normal tantrums she never hit out at people or lobbed things across the room. So this is normal for the majority is it? They manly grow out of it I presume.

[ummmm]

She still is only 5 though. It should have been dealt with straight away, not allowed to escalate, but she still only has the attention span of a 5 year old.

[ummmm]

Prudie - it isn't normal, imo. Tantrums, yes, but hitting the roof over something so trivial and throwing things and hitting out isn't normal.

Like I said....I would have removed her from the room before it got that far.

[Cloverjo]

When my son was that age I was away for a few days. He was usually very well-behaved but during those few days he acted up . He also had a party to go to, but my partner told him ‘If you do one more naughty thing you’re not going to that party.’ Guess what? He misbehaved again, and so didn’t go to the party.
It’s not harsh. Harsh would be whacking her or starving her.