When to have a baby?

[dancealot13]

Im only 24 and many of my friends have children. I was interested in hearing peoples opinions on what a good age is to have a child, or a certain stage in your life that makes child raising easier. Any thoughts are much appreciated. xxxcheers

[metagirl]

i'm almost 29, married with no kids. husband and i are looking forward to holidays rather then children at the moment. only one of my close friends - same age - has a child, but all my girlfriends are still very much pursuing their careers - they're all professionals. Although my younger sisters both have children already. Personally, it all depends. Whatever you do don't rush into it. It seems that having children is really "trendy" at the moment - Britney popping one out, Bradgelina having twins, "Sex and the City" being replaced with "Desparate Housewives" as the chic show of choice.

I think the best age to have a kid is when you are ready! And please don't let the scaremongers get to you - you won't lose your fertility at 27 - those stories are all over the press now it seems.

[kh_merrills]

I'm 22 and a Mom. I was actually 21 when I gave birth. I know that having my beautiful little girl was the best thing I have ever done. That 1st night you spend together is fantastic and beats any holiday, night out or career. I just couldn't stop looking at her and couldn't believe just how lucky I was. Its the most hard but rewarding job you will ever have, I don't mean hard all the time and if anything its actually mostly easy but when they are ill thats when I have found it the hardest. Luckily, my Husband supports me a lot and helps out when he gets home from work and at weekends which gives me a bit of me time and I think thats important. The worst thing I found with being a Mom is the STRECHMARKS!!!! But lets face it, I would rather have a few strechmarks that have already faded only 1 yr on then have my life without my beautiful little miracle.

[sebandbay]

In my opinion there is no right age. It is determined by personal circumstances. Some people prefer to have children early. This is not the easiest in the early years but very benificial in later life. On the other side, some like to get there careers up and running, then go for children later on.

I am 24 expecting my 2nd child, we are financially sound, own our own home. When i am 45, both my children will be 20+. Leaving me to enjoy my later years.

Hope this helps.

[Schlomo78]

I'm 27 and only one of my close friends has kids. I always wanted to have a child before I was 30 as my Mum and Dad didn't have me til they were 40 and they found it difficult running around with me when I was a kid. I'm pregnant now with my first and the decision didn't come lightly!!

I waited til I found the right guy who I knew would be a good and loving father with all the attributes I wanted him to have and we are due to be married next year. I always looked at the men I dated as 'would they be a good father or not', some would have been but I never fell completely 100% in love with them and didn't think I could marry them and spend the rest of my lives with them -so I moved on. If I hadn't met "Mr Right" then I would have had to pass up on having kids as my childhood was completely tainted by my parents arguing and fighting all the time which in turn made me a very depressed and insecure youngster and adult.

I think you will know when you are ready for it, I had been for a while but was afraid of the commitment and responsibility I would have to face. I'm still daunted by it all and when I had my scan it all became very real and I realised I really was going to have to be a responsible adult now and buck my ideas up!! My best friend is only 23 and has a lovely daughter of 1, she is an absolutely fabulous mother so I don't think age means anything to be honest.

Hope this is of some help!

[dancealot13]

what lovely stories. Thank you all for sharing with me,and taking the time. I could read peoples stories all day long ;)

Schlomo78-Congradulations!! What does it feel like being pregnant?

[gessoo]

Would totally agree. You will know when you are ready to have kids and should not feel should have to conform. I married at 25 I had my child at 36 and that was the right age for us. I also had a happy and healthy pregnancy and a very healthy baby.

I personally wouldn't have wanted to be a mum before then - in fact I didn't even consider it. I would point out that I was a very young 36 year old and had loads of energy and my son says he never felt that I was older than any of the other mothers.

Each to his own.

[silly moo]

Hi
There are pros and cons to having a baby at any age.
I think that the best age physically is supposed to be between 16 and 20 (could be wrong as often am ) but mentally this is a bit young for most people.
I was almost 24 when I had my first, and had my second 16 months later.
I am now almost 52 - very old I know !!!
We now enjoy all the things we couldn't afford when we were in our 20's, such as holidays and hobbies , and a lot of our friends are still coping with younsters.
The right time is when you and your partner decide you are ready.

[silly moo]

P.S.
The thoughts of having to deal with teenagers and all their raging hormonal problems at the same time as my menopausal hormonal problems is jusy TOO awful.

[whiskeysheri]

Hi dancealot13!

I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend since I was 15. I'm not engaged and have no plans to get married and have children yet (although sometimes I feel very ready for a baby).

I have just decided what I want to do with my life and this involves a three year course at university. I'll be 25 by the time I graduate, by which time I hope to work for a few years so that I can afford a house and have the financial stability I think a new family need.

I have three very close friends who I went to school with, none of whom are very career-minded (in my opinion). J is getting married to her 35 year old boyfriend in Las Vegas this Saturday and planning to try for a baby when she returns. E is pregnant and has her own house with her partner and K is in the process of moving into her own place with her man at the mo' (we're all 21).

It does seem strange that we're all at different stages in our lives, but I can't feel pressured as I know this is the right way for me. I hope this helps. Take care x

[Schlomo78]

Hi dancealot, thanks for the congrats. Was a bit of a shock at first as although we were trying I had been on the pill for a long time and we thought it was going to take a good year for me to get pregnant-it took just under 2 months!! Everyone is different in that aspect I guess. We're still happy about it, just gotta move things along that bit quicker!

As for the pregnancy bit, well I'm now nearly 14 wks and whilst some women blossom with pregnancy I seem to have gone the other way! No glowing skin and shiny locks for me, I've broken out in spots for the first time and my hair is having none of it! Talk about static hair as well. I had horrendous morning sickness and backache/thighache for a while, but thats all eased off now as my body is getting used to it I guess. Hopefully this is all my hormones sorting themselves out and I'll be looking radiant soon.(|'m praying!)

Everyones different during pregnancy, I'm starting to feel better and I know it'll all be worth it in the end when I hold that bundle of joy in my arms!

Like gessoo says, theres nothing wrong with having a child when you're a bit older, lots of people do. My mum suffered with osteoporosis and dad had a dicky heart so I lost on out the activity part with them, but if you're fit and healthy theres no need to rush. If it feels like its not the right time then relax and do what you want when you want til you're ready for it, there'll be none of that after as my mum keeps telling me!

[Bohne]

I am 34 years old, just expecting my first.
This is a perfect time for me and my husband.
We both have well-paying jobs, I work as a dive instructor in my spare time, and I've been all over the world.

Now I will have the patience for a baby.

But everybody has to decide what the right time is for themselves.

[Bohne]

@Schlomo: sorry, to hear about your pregnancy problems...

I am 27 weeks now, and apart from the baby moving occasionally, and me having put on 12 pounds, I have never felt any of it.
No sickness, no cravings, and as far as I can judge no crankyness...

:o)

I gave up jogging a few weeks ago, and converted to walking for the time being, though, since the little one seemed not to keen on being bumped around so much!

[stoo_pid]

As several people have said, the right time is when you're ready. I'm desperately clinging on to the last few weeks of being 39 & we have just had our first child (just over 3 months old). Having a child this late wasn't a conscious decison other than the fact I had never met anyone I wanted to have a child with other than Mrs Pid & we only me a few years ago. To be honest with you we tried for nearly 2 years before Pid Junior came along but he was well worth the wait!

From the perspective of how I've lived my life, there are several upsides to being an older parent

• I've had the time, money & freedom to travel the world & have all sorts of adventures


• I've now settled down & happily retired from being a 24-hour party person


• Most of my friends have already had children, so I've enjoyed the benefit of their experiences without any of the hard work


• I have more money & don't mind spending it on someone else


• I'm wiser & maybe even a bit more mature

The downsides to waiting so long are:

• Statistically speaking, it gets harder to conceive the older you get.


• We have less energy than 10 years ago (when 10-year old Junior wants a kick about in the park I'll be 50!)


• I constantly fear being completely out of touch with my child/ren as I get older


• I constantly fear becoming Embarrassing Dad Who Thinks He's Cool Because He's Trying Too Hard To Not Be Seen As Out Of Touch


• There is a morbid, yet quite real possibility that Mrs Pid & I won't be around to see any grandchildren.

I hope this helps in some way (don't worry though - you'll know when the time is right... : - )

[stoo_pid]

Sorry dancealot, just re-read my last post & it finished on a bit of a low note. Just to clarify, obviously my child/ren may well have kids at a young age & I could live a lot longer than my parents, so I may have many happy years bouncing my Grandchildren on my knee. Conversely, they may never have children at all.

I only mentioned it because, on my side of the family virtually all of my relatives & ancestors waited til at least their late 30's & often into their 40's before having children. One result of this is I never met my Grandparents & my father never got to see his Grandparents or any of his own Grandchildren (i.e. my nephews & niece). As it happens, its the same in my wife's family.

I don't see it as a huge issue & certainly not enough in itself to determine when to have children, but funnily enough it just wasn't something I'd ever even considered - until we were pregnant (and by then it's too late to worry about it of course! : - )

[gessoo]

Stoo-pid. Don't worry about being an embarrassing dad - kids think there parents are old and embarrassing whatever age they are!!!

[gessoo]

'their parents' - Thought I better correct it myself before Word Master gets here!!

[sonofthunder]

whenever you feel the time is right..................but on a down note, my wife and i didnt meet each other until we were 34 and it took us 5 years to concieve our son through unexpained infertility......so theres always that thought

[sunny30]

Hi, well there is no best time, i had my first at 17 and my next at 30!!!! Its the mum not the age, i am no different now as to when i was younger, Everyone is different, all i can say both times motherhood is great, you still have a life after as long as there is plenty of babysitters, in my case i timed it well, my daughter will soon be old enough to look after my son, at an expensive rate no doubt. Good luck xx