Wont stop the weed.

[Jessy pie]

Hi, Our 18 y o son is causing my wife and I all sorts of problems. He will not stop smoking weed and fags in his loft bedroom. We have told him that we will not accept drugs in the house yet he carries on smoking in his room, and worst of all completly denies he is doing it. This is when i can clearly smell the cannabis fumes! Last year he had pcyhcosis through weed and was on traetment for paranioa.He recovered a little but is slipping back and will not help himself. We feel the only solution is some tough love and throw him out. its come to that stage now.

[Mike10451045]

Don't through him out as this will haunt you for the rest of your life more so if something happens to him.

My guess is he has no respect for you and whilst he is on the drugs he won't.

Does he work? or is he at college

[JudgeJ]

Do just that and do it quickly. This will either bring him to his senses or he will slip further into deterioration. Either way the issue must be addressed. From your description it seems that the situation will only worsen.

Having done your child rearing you are now approaching the years when your wife and you should begin to enjoy yourselves. You cannot do so with an inconsiderate drug-ridden liar living with you. Sorry to be harsh but that�s my view.

[ianess]

JudgeJ is as usual spot-on with the solution to your problem.
Your son is no longer a baby and needs to be shown that his version of adult behaviour is not acceptable in your household.
It is a tough call to make but a spot of independent living may bring him back to his senses.
Best wishes.

[smudge]

I have to agree with JudgeJ & ianess - my husband & I were married at 18 & 20, with the responsibilites of running a home & all that goes with it - it never did us any harm!

I wish you luck Jessy.

[noxlumos]

Well I differ greatly in my opinion as to what you should do as I believe tough love is actually nothing to do with love, more of an abdication of responsibility and moral posturing.Your son may be 18 but he's clearly not doing too well and as such throwing him out will only stress him more and send him deeper into a negative spiral.

He needs help to realise that he doesn't need props to get him through his life. He probably feels that he does because he has low self esteem or depression so treat the problem at source, not just the symptom.He clearly realises that his smoking upsets you hence he lies to protect both himself and you and in this situation is to be expected.

Whilst I accept that you have your own values, alowing him to smoke controlled quantities whilst he addresses the root cause will put you back in control and will open up lines of communication which are vital if he's to improve his life.

Please don't throw him out as it really will not help, frustrated though I am sure you are.Good luck.

[smudge]

It sounds to me like Jessy & her husband have tried everything else (getting him treatment, etc.,) & are at the end of their tether.

Also Jessy, when I said I agree with JudgeJ & ianess, I didn't mean that you should 'literally' throw him out on the streets, full stop, I meant that you should give him an ultimatum, telling him that if he doesn't curb his behaviour & respect you & your home a bit more, then you will have no alternative but to ask him to look for somewhere else to live.

Again, good luck.

[jake-the-peg]

Presumably you have the odd drink yourselves and your son probably doesn't see much difference between cannabis and alcohol - taking the "evil of drugs" moral line is likely to put more distance between you and not help.

What is more concerning is that the evidence seems to point to cannabis having an ability to trigger mental problems in those with a disposition - especially in younger people. As your son's had a psychotic episode it sounds as if he is susceptible.

He needs to understand that whilst some of his mates may be able to smoke this stuff without adverse reaction he's drawn a biological hand which means that he probably cannot.

If you throw him out what is he most likely to do? I'd guess go around and crash with some of his drug buddies? - if that's the case I doubt it will help. Even if he came back and promissed to change do you think he would?

One of the problems with any addiction from smoking to alcohol to canabis or whatever is friends. Drinkers go down the pub together smokers stand outside the office door together ..well you get the picture.

You're probably asking him to turn his back on a lot of friends and that's as hard for him to do as it would be for any of us.

The difficulty is firstly to make sure he understands he's got a problem and then to break his routine and circle of friends.

I had an alcohol problem for many years - I've now been dry for 5 years but that only started when I realised I had a problem.

You have to help him realise that and you won't do that by going down the " I won't have illeagal drgs in this house path"

[WendyS]

Your son is 18. He's legally an adult now but I still think you have the right to expect him to respect the rules in your house, especially when this drug has already caused serious medical problems for him. . Don't throw him out at this stage but let him understand you will not stand idly by while he destroys himself. Perhaps you could lock him out of his bedroom for a couple of weeks so that he only has access to the commonly used rooms in the house and force him to sleep on the sofa. That way you might be able to monitor his behaviour. Tell him this is the first stage and that if he persists in smoking cannabis, you will ask him to leave. Is there anybody in your local police force who could pay him a visit to give him a lecture? Alternatively, can your GP recommend him on any good drug rehabilitation programme? I don't know whether your son is a student or is now working. Is there anybody at one of these places who could talk to him and reinforce the message you're trying to get through to him?

[curiosity]

As Jake the peg says your son is susceptible to Psychosis when he smokes Cannabis, and this is very hard when his mates arn't. He needs some lifestyle changes but he probably doesn't know how to change or want to stop hanging around with his mates. Have you tried talking to his friends and explaining that he just can't continue to use Cannabis? Also have you spoken to him about a possible relapse? Some young people experiencing psychotic symptoms use Cannabis to self medicate in the early stages. Good Luck

[damajowi]

dont throw him out ,you may regret that.

[Gef]

Warn him that you will throw him out unless he changes his ways. If he doesn't then do it.

[Otrere]

Throw him out - you may regret it if you don't. But give him an ultimatum first - tell him to stop or find his own house to smoke his dope.

[little coojy]

it's your house so its your rules he is an adult and should respect this, give him the option stay and no smokeing weed in the house or find another home. you are responsible for what goes on in your home. explain that he is a adult and you can't tell him what to do but you will not have it in your home.

[Azimov]

If you throw him out you will be throwing him to the very wolves who got their teeth into him in the first place.
He smokes a little weed, it isn't the end of the world!
If he was obsessively into skateboarding and came home with a broken arm or leg every onece in a while you wouldn't be reacting this way but the dreaded word "drugs" has you hopping from foot to foot!
He is your son!
Love him and support him!
He isn't on drugs any more than you are on alcohol or chocolate or TV... he smokes cannabis and it's bad for him.
Is that really a good reason to abandon him into the clutches of those who would seek to drive him deeper into the realms of true drug abuse?

In my view there is one failing that almost all (otherwise good) parents have in common and that's a lack of discipline.
I fully understand the parental desire to keep their children happy and contented, and how hard it is to lay down the law when it seems to conflict with the former.
But you have to state simply and forcefully that you absolutely will not allow smoking under your roof, and mean it!
He's a big boy now and he'll decide which side his bread is buttered. He'll tow the line or move out (his choice) just as long as you make sure there are penalties to his disobedience.

It''s up to you to decide how best to punish his indiscretions but be sure and strong and never EVER back down.