Miscarirage. How do we pick up the pieces?

[Compostella]

Just had our 11 week scan and the baby was only the size of an 8 week old and there was no heartbeat.

Needless to say, we are devestated but feel that we need to now look forward again.

Everyone says that one in three pregnancies miscarry but this doesnt help.

Our cycle is 6 weeks. Every website/book says that the most fertile time is 10-14 days after the first bleed, but is that still the case with such a long cycle?

If we are lucky enough to conceive again, what are the stats that support a succesful outcome? Lots of people say there are plenty of people who go on to have a healthy baby, but are there any actual stats?

[mycats]

First I am very sorry to hear about your loss. It's a horrible thing that has happened to you, especially as this was clearly a much loved and wanted baby. I had a miscarriage years ago and made the mistake of trying to push it out of my mind and didnt grieve for a long time, this was the worst thing to do, so make sure you let yourselves grieve for your child.
I now have a son and didn't have any problems with my second pregnancy. I'm sure things will be fine next time, but talk to your doctor

[Ethel]

Please have a look at this site and join the forum:

http://www.pamsupport.org/pam.php

[Ethel]

Meant to include this site where it clearly states that there is a 90% chance of a successful pregnancy following a miscarriage.

http://medicalreporter.health.org/tmr0397/misc arriage0397.html

God bless and good luck.

[alijangra]

It is true that many women miscarry then go on to have successfuI pregnancies. I have had a miscarriage but have not tried since. My friend had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, fell pregnant 4 months later and had a gorgeous baby girl who is now 18 months. She is now 26 weeks pregnant with her second child and is looking and feeling fab. I hope this gives you some hope. X Alison

[noxlumos]

So sorry to hear of your loss and that you are clearly so worrid about future pregnancies. I don't have any stats but my wife had, in this order, a healthy son, a healthy daughter, an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage and another healthy daughter, so in our case a happy outcome was possible after the miscarriages.My first wife also had healthy children and 3 miscarriages in between so please don't give up hope and give yourself time to grieve before you feel the need to try again, I'm sure there will a happy ending for you, but take your time and try to relax.

[Jules001]

I, too, am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, well-meaning people tend to say things without really knowing the hurt you are feeling. I had a textbook pregnancy with my son, followed by 3 miscarriages and then my healthy daughter followed. Please don't give up hope of having a baby. Good luck

Jules

[unruliejulie]

This happened to me too and it feels like the end of the world. Yes, people do tend to say silly things . I had a nurse say to me, oh well, at least you know you can get pregnant. Totally irrelevant at that time, but it is true. Many women miscarry without even knowing theyt were pregnant, just thinking it is a heavy period. I found writing all my feelings down helped no end and i got in touch with the muiscarriage association who were wonderful. I had my lovely son who is now nearly 15, virtually 12 months later. It honestly is just one of those things and if a pregnancy is not meant to be then theres usually a good reason.I can look back now and think i wouldn't have had the son i have now so I wish you all my very best and good luck to you! I have no doubt that you will concieve and go on to have a healthy child soon! XXX

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

[pilchard]

Last August i too went for a 12 week scan only to be told that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. We were totally devastated and i thought i would never get over it but remained determined to try again when i felt strong enough. I'm expecting my first child this September and though it has been a very anxious time for us we are just beginning to realise that things are looking good and beginning to relax. I now realise that there was nothing we could of done differently and that we were the 'unlucky 1 in 3'. And though i still think of the misscarriage and what an awful time it was for us i'm glad we continued to talked to each other throughout. I wish you and your partner all the love for the future and though people do say the wrong things they are only trying to be supportive. Good Luck and try and stay positive

[Compostella]

Phew

All those messages make me feel not so alone now. Its a very lonely time and is comforting to know that you all seem to get where you want to despite these setbacks.

Thanks everyone!

[gessoo]

First of all, I am sorry to hear your sad news.

Weeks 10 to 12 are the most common to miscarry. I miscarried at 11 weeks and went on to have a lovely healthy baby later. Most people do and I can tell you I know of loads of people who have miscarried, especially on their first pregnancy.

The chances are very, very high that all will be well with your next time.

Best wishes to you both.

[smurfchops]

Don't worry too much about conceiving again, it will happen when you relax and stop thinking about it. And time will heal. My heart goes out to you, the best of luck and let us know when you are pregnant again ! Everything will be OK next time you will see !

[mamma12]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I myself miscarried last year (2005) in April I was a little over 2 1/2 months, It took me a long time to get over it and till this day I'm still not over it. But we were blessed with a little girl on May 8, 2006. Let your self grieve for your baby, it's only natural don't try and push it to the side, that is the worse thing that you could possibly do...

When you are ready to start trying again, I'm sure things will work out for the best, don't give up hope. My daughter is proof of that! Good Luck and keep the faith!

[Compostella]

Just an update in case anyone subscribed to the thread, we're pregnant again!

6 weeks in and fingers crossed. Thanks for all the support from everyone