unless the father had a court order stipulating exact times etc for bank holidays then it would be up to the parent to come to some sort of compromise together about long weekends.
How did you ever like each other enough to become parents if you cannot determine such a simple matter. Try asking the children what they would like. After all, it is they that are in the middle of all this nonsense.
It would be nice for the kids to have extra time with their dad. What would be the problem with it? as I have always said, if more kids were 'consulted' over contact then the world would be a much nicer place for them.
I'm with the judge on this one, surely you do not have the revert to some sort of written contract about access. Just communicate and agree something something between yourselves, you are grown ups!