teenagers

[lynneylou]

Hi my daughter will be 13 later this year and the last few months has hardly spoken to her dad or me. There's been alot of change in our household since oct last year with her 2 older sisters leaving home and no real contact with them now. She has been saying that she dreads breaking up from school next week as she'll be bored etc. I appreciate that she is having to adjust to being an olny child but I am finding it hard to cope with the lack of conversation with a daughter I have always been so close to and the fact that for the 1st time she's not counting down to the summer hols!!!!!

[JOEYGREEN]

Why not organise a day out, just you and your daughter? Let her choose where she wants to go and maybe you
could take her shopping too and have some lunch somewhere. You could also organise a day when her friends come over, perhaps a sleepover - give her something to look forward to.

[andy-hughes]

Leaving aside the issues that may be exacerbated by her sisters' departure - this is perfectly normal for a teenager! You can expect mood swings, silences, grumps, temper tantrums, and so on, because it's all part of growing up.

Your yongest may feel left out if her sisters used to spend time with her - have a word with them, and see if they can give her a call, or arrange to meet up for a girly day out from time to time.

You need to make time for her as well. Set aside a Saturday when you can take her out for lunch and a bit of shopping - just something simple like a new top - and then a MacDonalds for tea, and pictures. This will give her your undivided attention for a few hours, and she may open up to you about antying that is distressing her.

She may want to be the 'young lady' but all girls at that age revert to childhood at bedtime. Make sure you look in on her before she goes to sleep, give her a good night kiss and tell her you love her, and you are there for her always if she needs to talk, but don't press the issue - she will when she wants to.

Get Dad involved as well - girls are often closer to their Dads at this time, so make sure Dad makes some time to be with her - even if it's just watching TV.

This is a horrible time for everyone, but it passes, and your understanding and support is what she needs, even though she will work really hard at convincing you that she doesn't!

[andy-hughes]

Great minds often cross-post JOEYGREEN!

[JOEYGREEN]

agreed, andy-hughes! Good idea about getting Dad involved too.

[lynneylou]

thanks for all advice, I often promote my daughter having friends over/sleepovers etc which she does. I have recently read a book by ross campbell i highly recommend, called how to really love your child. Tonight she has gone to the pictures with her dad and i'm taking her out for a coffee tomorrow. I think it is a grieving process us parents go through when our children very suddenly have a huge change in character from being your baby to a child who doesn't need you in the same way anymore. It's hard to adjust!!!

[JOEYGREEN]

I can imagine. Good luck with everything. X