3-year-old wakes up late at night crying for Daddy

[TiredDaddy]

Hello everyone,

My son, who turned 3 a few weeks ago, is now sleeping in his own bed but the problem is he wakes up between midnight and 3am crying for me, Daddy, and when I come to him he insists that I stay with him. He goes back to sleep but when I try to leave he will either wake up right away or within minutes and start crying for me again.

Some history here: He learned to fall asleep with us as a baby, mainly becasue we had him in our room in his crib with us until he was 1 1/2 -- our then small apt. was the problem. When we moved to the house we still stayed with him (rubbing back fro instance) until he would fall asleep in his own room but even then he would wake up in the middle of the night and we would take him to our bed. So, he never reeally learned to soothe himself back to sleep

So my question is a two-fold:

Should I change the way I get him to fall asleep and that will solve the waking up looking for me problem or should I just figure out how to deal with him once he wakes up in the wee hours?

Thanks for anyone who made it this far and for those who respond.

[Psychick]

Do you still soothe him to sleep at bedtimes or settle him in bed and allow him to drift off? If you are still staying with him til he is asleep, its time to start getting him used to a bedtime routine where he is left in the room alone to fall asleep. What is his bedtime routine?

As for waking in the night, its good that you are leaving him in your room but really you need to get out of staying after he has woken. By all means go in and reassure him everything is fine and youre not far away, but then leave again. Be prepared for some unsettled nights though while he gets used to it and accepts it. How about buying a new teddy bear, tell him it is a special daddy teddy bear that will stay with him at nights now he is getting a big boy. Include the bear in his bedtime routine. Reassure him the bear will be there whenever he wakes up and hes looking after him and that your are only in room not far away.

Good luck.

[aims1202]

Its been said that you have to get him to fall asleep on his own, it might take a few tough nights but stick at it and you'll get there. Have a really good bedtime routine, like bath, read a story/ songs and cuddles in bed. Let him have cuddly toys or whatever in his bed. You could even get in with him saying its so cosy, your so lucky having such a cosy bed! Make bedtime a nice experience.
Then say its time to go to sleep now i have to go in the other room, if you stay in bed i'll come back in a minute. Go back almost straight away before he has chance to get up. If you do get there before he gets up say, good boy for staying in bed. Then do the same again making the time before you come back a bit longer each time. If he does get up before you go back in just take him back to bed let him get in and say, good boy for getting back in to bed. You are basically ignoring him getting up and praising him for what you want him to do, however small. If he's upset just a kiss and little cuddle when you go back in but its best not to stay too long. It will be hard, but it will be worth it as this will hopefully stop him waking in the night, because he'll feel secure without you there when he wakes.
If he does still wake you in the night then say, you can have a cuddle then you have to go to sleep,its still night time. Then basically do the same as for bedtime.
You could also give him rewards the next day if he has stayed in his bed.
Good luck, hope this helps!

[winny]

amis has good advice and about what i would have suggested. The key is to be quiet and consistent at all times and not waver from your new rules. At 3 he is old enough to understand what you are telling him and also old enough to try it on. Just keep at it calmly and you will crack it. The key is if he wakes then take him back calmly and do not be talked into staying for longer than a few seconds. This will be hard and most likley cause some tantrums but they will be short lived when he knows he gets no special attention for his efforts. When he is settling himself you will find the waking in the night will get better as he may wake but he will have the skill to settle back down without crying.
Obviously you need to be sure he has no fear of the dark or monsters etc. which is causing genuine fright rather than simple not knowing how to get to sleep alone. Good luck

[leewayne]

I know it souns horrible but we put a stairgate up on his door so he couldnt get out if he woke,we reassured him that everythings ok and put him bk to bed and if he cried we left him after 15 mins if he was still crying we reassured him again and so on,until he realised we werent gonna go in anymore,he has been sleeping through every nite since he was 6 months old so must have worked.Cruel to be kind but i know its heart renching but its for his benefit if you leave him longer and longer each time,he'll soon realise everythings ok.

[kitten_uk2]

my son is into bob the builder so when we finnally got him into his own room( 2 and half yrs old) we got him a giant bob to sleep in his bed with him. i think this helps because he often drops to sleep holding bobs hand or arm round him, like bob is a real person. we also have a glow in the dark sheep in his room that keeps a lil bit of light during the night, and i keep the upstairs light on all night, that due to me being on my own at night, as hubby wrks nights. bedtime routine we usually bath, then read stories, have a drink and off to sleep. usually sleeps through but when he does wake up, i just give him a drink, tell him im here if he needs me and he goes back to sleep.
bedtimes can be hard work, good luck!

[aims1202]

I know everyone has their own ways of doing things but personally i would not use a stairgate on the bedroom door. I really think that they should be able to come to you if they are feeling a little insecure or have had a bad dream or something. I think its better to help them to learn that their bed is a nice place to be and they are ok on their own and eventually they'll want to be there. If they are already in a good routine and staying in their bed most of the time then they probably wont come out of the room much anyway.