NOT all fathers are the same

[LeighGammon]

I would just like to say not all fathers dont want anything to do with there child mines now 3 months old and I am trying to get involved in his life but the mother wont let me...
and before you say anything to this post i am not on the birth certificate and she wont let me altyhough i willing give her anything for my baby boy

[debbz1969]

First of all, Good for you!!! Hang in there mate. You do still have rights you know.. Get some good professional advice and get some sort of contact order in place. Do you mind me asking how old you are?

[Stepmama]

Some women can be really quite dreadful when it comes to their kids and their Dad's. It just seems a bit of a power struggle for whatever reason and any little thing seems to spark them off. My now hubby tried to see his children and his ex wouldn't let him take them out because he had had to borrow my car cos his was out of action - he was sent packing back home 45 miles away on the strength of it - rock and a hard place ...

[LeighGammon]

hiya debz im 32 and dont mind you asking...
ive always waited until i had a secure background to have children good job own house car etc.. we were together a year and a half 3months into her pregnacy she called it a day then told me 3months after he was born that she had him...
although i would want to see him every day im not niave enough to expect it but i feel i should have the rights to have a say in his unbringing and to see him atleast once a week

[debbz1969]

I have been on both sides of this particular fence and can really appreciate how difficult this is for you. Many years ago my ex left me with a two year old son and didn't want any contact at all, I met my now husband a few years later and he had 2 children from his1st marriage. His ex wife used the kids as amunition against him and as emotional blackmail. In the end we had his children EVERY weekend until they grew up and into young adults. We still have regular contact with them. My sons 'sperm donor' on the other hand is a complete waste of space and has missed out on his son growing into a very fine young man, well mannered and hard working and an absolute credit to myself and husband who he has called 'dad' since he was 5. (he is 19 now). Sorry to bore with all this but the point is I know how you must feel. Keep at it, don't ever give up. Because you weren't married your rights over the birth certificate are limited but otherwise you can apply for something called 'parental control' or 'parental responsibilty' which gives you rights to certain decisions. Please see a solicitor as soon as you can. The only thing that I would beg you to do is be consistant. The only person that really matters in all of this is your child. What you or your ex want is irrelevant, the needs of your child are paramount. It isn't a game, there are no winners in the end. And I know it is no consolation now but they do grow up and make their own minds up eventually, and as long as you never have anything that they can throw back in your face like, 'you never cared' or 'you didn't want me' or 'you only wanted your new girlfriend and kids' then you can be assured that it will be ok in the end. Good luck x x

[clare_1]

Can I just say regardless of the relationship between parents both mum and dad should get to see their kids. When me and my hubby divorced after marrying young(im 26 and was 23 at time) I immediately let him have joint custody even though he made my life hell for a year for leaving.

Anyway if your name isnt on the birth certificate it isnt much to pay for a paternity test. Get a solicitor to get an order from court and take it from there. If a dad really wants to see his kids he has the law as much on his side nowadays as the mum.

[Whickerman]

Good on you - and good luck.