return to work

[spanner7853]

I know you'll think I am silly but I am due to return to work after maternity leave in May and I am having a really bad time at the thought of leaving my little boy in a nursery. I have no option but to return to work as my husband doesn't earn that much money but I don't know what to do.

My job has gonewith everyone elses in my department and I have got to go for promotion while I am off as my grade no longer exists. I have been able to enjoy my maternity leave at the thought of not just going back to work but having to go for interviews while I'm off and not even knowing what job I am going back to. Please help. x

[beck07]

Why did u decide to have a baby if you wasnt financily stable enough to stay at home and be with your baby?

[spanner7853]

am i going to get moaned at now for having to work? i have 2 other children and have always worked and never been on benefits. i'm just saying i dont want to go back to work as i dont want to leave him.

[ethanryan]

no your not going to get moaned at. lots of people have to go back to work. have you looked into claiming tax credits off your partners wage. my partner is only earning �800 per month which is nothing when you have rent to pay. but we also get �580 a monthe working family tax and child tax. i know it isnt a great deal but its always an option at least then you can still stay with baby.
i stay at home with my children, next year when my youngest starts nursery i plan to start my college coursen as a teaching assistant so that i van go back to work full time when he starts school and i get all the holidays off.

i said i was going back to work but it is so hard to leave them, you hear so much in papers now about nurseries and different things that it is hard to trust.

could you not get an evening job and work around your partners hours, or is there not a family member that you could pay to have your child

[wisewomen]

I feel for you I really do.

Myself and my partner are currently considering starting a family and this is something that is constantly on my mind.

We can afford to have a child but we cannot afford the childcare and unfortunately we dont have family close enough to help out.

We are both on ok wages and we dont qualify for benefits/ tax credits etc so I would have to return to work at least part-time.

I am considering taking a childcare course now in hope that I can then look after another child whilst I am off with mine to bring a bit of money in. Is this an option for you?

I do hope that you make it through this difficult time.

[andy-hughes]

This is a time of considerable insecurity for you, and naturally you feel upset and worried about the various aspects of this change in circumstances.

If it helps, your little one will adapt to, and enjoy nursery far quicker nd more easily than you will! Think of it as extending his development, and it will ensure that 'proper' school is nothing like the trauma experienced by children who have stayed at home.

As for your job situation - you need to take that as it comes - but please ensure that you have membership of your appropriate Trade Union who will provide you with emotional support and practical assistance to make sure you are treated fairly.

Good luck.

[natalie_1982]

Spanner, I am in the same situation as you (or I will be when mini nat is here), I am due in 8 weeks and have to return to work end of Sept. Already I am not looking forward to it and baby is not here yet.

The only consolation I can offer is that two of my closest friends have been through exactly the same and now have gorgeous well adapted two year olds, and both mums have said how glad they are that their little ones have had to go to nursery - how it has done them as mothers good, and done their daughters a lot of good. I know I will still find it just as hard as you will but it is something I will have to do.

I will be using the Imagine... childcare voucher scheme because we will be better off doing that than claiming tax credits. Try to sit down and negotiate hours that suit you - I don't know what job you are in, but for me I work in an admin environment and so instead of doing my 38hours Mon-Fri, I have been able to change my hours to 38hours over Mon-Thurs, which means longer working days but a whole day extra at home with bubs. Try to think of any way around the hours that you currently work.

I find Beck's comment unfair; I am 25yrs old, I have a mortgage and stable and loving home for my baby to come in to. Realistically, I will be nearly 40 if I was to wait until I could afford to stay home and look after my children full time. Some people just don't have that luxury.
Spanner, don't you worry about anything - try to enjoy the time you have left as best you can, and remember we are all on here when you need a moan / advice xxx

[spanner7853]

thank you for all the lovely replies i ot. i know baby spanner will love it at nursery, im being completely selfish on my part. i took 3 years trying to have him and cant bear leaving him when he's so vulnerable. i will be using the child care vouchers which is cheaper and as for tax credits i dont think they would give us any working tax credit and if they did it wouldn't cover my outgoings. i will just have to cope with going back to work. i cant and will not go on benefits ever.

thanks again you lovely people xxxx big hugs all round

[nfn]

Spanner, take a deep breath, calm down and take a long look at your son. Now, you are going back to work in May. It's February at the moment so, although you're having to start interviews etc you still have 3 months to enjoy your little man!

My son went to nursery and childminders when I returned to work and to be perfectly honest I think he enjoyed that more than being at home with me. He had other children around him and a whole different set of toys etc. I know I was lucky because he was so happy and I had absolutely phenomenal childminders but please please try to enjoy the time you still have with him. Anyway, once you're back at work the times you are together with be even more precious.
Good luck

[spanner7853]

i know but the time is going so quick. :(

[tigwig]

I work in a nursery in the baby room and can assure you your baby and you will soon settle in. I know you believe deep down that no-one looks after your baby better than you but really they can do just as good a job! I can honestly say that I genuinely love the babies I look after obviously you don't have the maternal bond you have with your own but a good nursery will have good staff. Visit plenty of nurseries and go to the one you feel most comfortable with. Have visits and get to know staff beforehand. They will reassure you and your baby will enjoy it and develop lots of social skills.

[beck07]

I dont see the point in having a baby if your just going to stick them in nursery so you can work??
Your going to miss everything, their first words, and everything i dont understand why people do it!!
And not everyone who stays at home with their baby is on benifits either!!

[spanner7853]

do you know what Beck 07, go shove it. I cannot live without working i have a mortgage like most people. I am already upset enough withouht miss high and mighty like you getting on my nerves so if you dont have anything nice to say go away. I dont know anyone that is lucky enough to stay at home and look after there child(ren) full time as work where i live is low paid and the price of living is too high.

[beck07]

Firstly u should watch your mouth and go shove it yourself!!!
I am telling you my opinion if u dont like it then dont read it!!
Why are you having children to dump them in a nursery all day!!! What you sepnd on nursery you could keep in your pocket and stay with your baby!!!
People have babies to be with them- not to dump them in day care centres!!!
You shouldnt of had a baby if your not settled should you!!
Dont take your sh*t out on me because youve fuc**d up!!!!

[gem_35]

Beck07 your are so rude! how can you judge somone just because she needs to work to support her child???? you are bang out of order here. a lot of mums need to work to ensure they can bring there children up comfortably. have you even got a child yourself? with your attitude i feel sorry for em if you have. you need to learn some manners and actually think why this person needs to go work! your bloody rude!!!!

[beck07]

gem_35- yes actually i have got a child and i made sure i had enough money to support him and give him everything he wants without having to dup him in a nursery all day!! many mums to need to work but i dont understand why you have a baby then stick them in nursery all day!!! you should want to be with your baby and not miss anything!!
dont be preaching to me about being rude, i will tell you the same- if you dont like my opinion the dont fu*****g read it alright!!!

[natalie_1982]

Beck, maybe you could offer us some advice then instead of spouting off about how you don't agree with yadda yadda yadda....

How do you afford to support your child(ren)? Have you spent years saving in order that not only you can afford to pay the mortgage each month with your savings, but you can also run your home and provide for your child? Or do you work and have a partner on shifts that can look after the child when you're not there? Or do you live in social housing and you're entitled to benefits?

Like Spanner, I am not entitled to benefits (well I will get around �10 if I'm lucky, and lets face it that will barely cover the cost of nappies) because I own my own home. I live on a massive housing estate and if I wanted to be able to stay home and look after my child full time then I would need to sell my house, give up work, apply to go on the housing register, spend a few months on the sofa at my in-law's with the baby, spend six months in a poxy drug and prostitute ridden mother and baby unit (I can afford to say this because I work within this sector and know first hand), then spend a further six months in a flat in a high rise block before MAYBE getting a two bedroom flat when the baby is around 12-18months. Oh, and of course, I would have to declare that my husband isn't my husband, and that he does not live with me or support me in any way.

If you have any other suggestions Beck, aside from workig til I am 40 and taking the chance that I will have problems conceiving then, then let me hear them, I'd love to know how you did it.

[gem_35]

natalie_ 1982 i agree completly with what you said in your las post. beck go f*** yourself. your a self opinionated k*** the woman that posted this thread is trying to look out for her children. i really would like to meet you tho and see what your really like. bet your some bitter old bag that cant even get a job!!! lol.

[B00]

Yep beck is a shining example to motherhood....see kempie's post, 7th one down.

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Law/Question517 951-2.html

[McNoodle]

It's hard, it really is. We put our 5month old into nursery this month, solely because we have a mortgage and car etc to pay for. I'd love to earn enough for my partner - or me - to stay at home. I really hate dropping my son off, even though it's a good place. Think positive - it'll hold them in good stance for mixing with others and starting school etc

[McNoodle]

Follow BOO's links and beck07 is revealed. Who cares about the opinion of such a loser like this. What a waste of space.