A delicate matter

[Goodsoulette]

I have a 6 year old son, and someone else in my family has a son of nearly the exact same age. So these two lads have been growing up together, having sleep overs etc etc.

Well, a few months ago they were both sleeping at my house and I crept up the stairs to check they were asleep and they weren't. I asked them what they were up to and they both gave me different answers. SO I asked my son and he informed that the other kid was showing him how to have sex. I asked how, and he said by cuddling really tight. I gave them the sex is for grown ups speech and thought no more of it.

Anyway after they got together recently, the other lad again tried to show my son a little more graphically what to do. I wont go into to details but to it's just getting too much for me to brush aside.

So do I just make sure he doesn't sleep in the same room as my kids. Or do I just approach his mum (we are extremely close) and tell her what he's doing.

I know this sounds like I am entirely blaming the other kid because 'im favouring my boy, but its really not like that. The other lad could easily be my son too as we are so close.

I don't understand where a 6 year old boy is getting this much information about sex, or is so keen on it.

[jno]

I wonder if this other boy does have a problem. To do this once is nothing, it's just the sort of thing kids do - though 6 is rather young (more like 26 in my day)... but to do it again sounds a bit odd, maybe a bit obsessive; most kids don't have such one-track minds. If you're on good terms with his mum, I think I would mention it to her. If there is some sort of problem (maybe some older kid is harassing him and he's trying to 'normalise' the knowledge by passing it on?) then she might be glad to hear about it. Obviously this is risky territory, but you have a right to look out for your own boy.

[josie48]

Most kids play Doctors and Nurses if you know what I mean GS but this boy seems to know a bit too much for his age if you ask me. Have a talk to his mum,he coud be watching porn.

[Goodsoulette]

Thats what I thought Jno, once is normal but it makes me think no wonder he was desperate to go to bed here. It cant feel good for him.

HE has got older sisters and I wondered wether it had somehow come from there or what if, my son starts trying to do these things to other kids? I'd be horrified!

[Goodsoulette]

There is no way he is watching porn at home. Believe me there is NONE in that house.

[josie48]

I meant maybe at someone elses house GS. Or maybe reading mags?

[jno]

If the other boy was fibbing about it when you asked, this suggests he feels there's something wrong. It wouldn't be a bad idea for his mum, or you, to ask - in as light-hearted and non-confrontational way as possible - where he found all this out. I don't want to sound sensationalist but it's just barely possible he's being abused in some way.

[Goodsoulette]

Gah!!! I just really don't want to have to talk to his mum. Although now you said doctors and nurses, it doesn't seem so bad.

[josie48]

Well I've had 4 kids now adults and we caught them all playing " I'll show you mine if you show me yours" with their little friends. I think thats a natural curiousity GS.

[josie48]

Jno my thoughts as well. This litte boy does seem to know more than usual.

[treborrobert]

FOR GOD SAKE WHATS THE MATTER WITH YOU ALL HE IS A BOY !!

you watch eastenders and you have gay kisses and nude..you dont see anything but you know somethings wrong ..well at 6 year old you would fined it strange ..and sex sex sex all the time on tv ..why are you saying child of 6 known things like that is not right ????
how do you know he hasnt seen his parents haven sex ..and they thought he was asleep..bedroom doors even slightly open opens a childs mind...for one thing he said you cuddle real tight and he has probly seen moven going on.... ?? he has no idea how he is only saying what he looket at or even hat he heared from school from older children dont forget he is in the playground with upto 11 year olds ... STOP MAKEN A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT !!

best to tell your son to tell him to stop it... 6 year old arnt stupid .. they pick up things so fast .. even about sex !

it is something new he has seen or told .. so he is telling his bestfriend....
if you want tell your sons mother to come round tell her you have reason to think the kids have picket up something from school / or out and about from bigger boys or over heared .. and you think we nead to give the sex talk...

trust me if her child was shown sex or abused .. he wouldnt say cuddled up ... think !!!!....he is only saying what he was told or what he has seen....not what he has done ..... you get what i mean ?..... and he is telling his bestfriend

[treborrobert]

you have got to remember times have changed kids think diffrent to when you was a child...

your sons friend is only saying and showing what he seen or told...
and if he has teenage sisters nead a say more...

he is young both your son and his friend...and as for jno remark .... to do it once is ok but to do it more ???

its like a book you start to read it and you want to know everything in it ...same with sex you find out something you want to know everything ... to tell your freind... i know something you dont ?... what you say and do could harm them kids best just to tell your boy about sex and all that so your child understands ....yes even at 6 year old....how many times have you heared.. suk my nob ..fuk you ..god i would shag that ??? get what i mean ....bet you wish you never walkt in the room know lol lol...open book a childs mind is ...but as i said remember this ... he heared / seen / ...he hasnt done ... and dont worry... he was only trying to tell your son .open book remember..find out more ...comes to mind .....can you explain at 6 year old about sex ... you do this and that comes to mind ...

[DONNNAKEBAB]

Hi Goodsoulette. Long time no speak. I WOULD light heartedly speak to his Mum, I mean come on, YOU would want to know wouldnt you if it were your son.

My Tilly started to explore herself when she was first 10. We were on holiday and she said to me "I am just going into the bedroom for a rest, not to go to sleep, but just to rest" I had actually seen her in the bath that morning exploring herself. So........................I went into the bedroom, shut the curtains and said to her "it is okay to do that, but you REALLY dont want everyone looking through the window at you do you.

She now knows its okay to do it, but to do it in private.

You are right, it IS a very delicate subject but children are resiliant to the truth, it is us adults that get embarrassed. Just be honest and open as much as you can be in a child like way.

Katie. x

[China Doll]

I've had some concerns about my godson recently who is demonstrating some similarities as the boy in question. He's not overly physical but he says some very inappropriate things for a child so young, including some views as only being able to marry someone with the same skin colour as him (his mum is columbian).

I know that this is all coming from his tithead of a father and all I can do is point out to his mum and keep an eye on it. I know it's not his opinon or even that he knows the meaning of what he's actually saying but I can understand the whole thing making you uncomfortable. I'd doubt he's being abused but I agree with jno and think it is worth mentioning to his mother just so that she can maybe explain it a little more on his level.

[unrulyjulie]

Goodsy, i wouldnt worry too muchabout this if i were you. I remember my little boy having a bit too much interest in "rude stuff " at the age of 5. It caused some trouble within my family at the time after my little boy asked my step daughter to show him her"bits" ! Her Mum went mad and over reacted to the extreme as did other members of the family but when they thought about it properly, they realised it was harmless and pretty natural, it really was just curiosity, but it does make us adults very uncomfortable. I do think its all a normal part of growing up. These kids were 4 and 5, there was no way there was anything more sinister in it. Kids of this age really just wonder what other children are like etc...

Good luck with this cause it is a toughie to deal with, trust me, i know. If i were you, i would mention it to his mum just so she can keep an eye on him and explain why it isnt the done thing .

[tigwig]

what exactly is he doing? I know you said it is delicate but I don't really feel I can comment until I know more! Just be aware that although it probably is older siblings who think it is funny to give an early sex education lesson to little brother, it is also one of the signs of child abuse for a child of that age to display inappropriate sexual behaviour

[Goodsoulette]

Hey tigwig. What he did was verging on advanced and Im not going to spell it out on here for some weirdo to get off on. Not something you would get an idea off of from eastenders or telly. It disturbed me, it really did. It also bothered me, that although this kid wasn't capable of doing anything my son was just happy to go along for the ride...... he didn't know it was wrong at all.

Im sure it is just doctors and ermmm "doctors" but he's too sexualised and needs to get his little mind somewhere else. ... eg transformers!

[Ice.Maiden]

I wouldn't over-react over this one. Children DO explore themselves - and sometimes involve others - but you have to kindly tell him that it's not the sort of thing you want him doing with your children. Then have a quiet word with his mum or dad, and if he comes to stay again, tell him that he's going to be sleeping elsewhere, as he's "more grown up" now.

[treborrobert]

ICEMAIDEN ???? more grown up ???? in your own room ....what are you saying he is a 6 year old pedo ???

i have read some stupid comments on hear before but that beats them all ...why dont you press charges and have him done for child abuse ffs ...he is a little boy that shares a home with older girls (sisters )..

you are maken a big deal out of nothing ..if it botherers you ..tell the boy and your son ...dont do rude things at your age...

you will be saying he is gay next !!!!!!

get a grip ...and as you put it goodsoulette ( he was going along for the ride ) thats sick ....

think we all know what you ment by that... do you get a kick out of calling your son on a advice web site !!!

and who said it was just the other boy ....so you realy think your son is going to tell you ...YES MUM IT WAS ME AS WELL !!!...ya right.....

they are 6year old boys ffs......

whats the request next week ...think my son at 6 year old is gay


doctors and doctors ........hope you get a kick out off call your son and friend !!!!

[treborrobert]

and is the father awair you are calling his son ???? and the so called other family members ( other boys parents ) the child thats like a son to you ...as you put it ....awair you are calling there son ??? and its all his folt ...and your son is a angel ??????

i think this advice request is a lie...are you awair 1000 of children are sexualy abused every day....

and you get sick requests of advice like this ...well done you just told a pedo... kids are active at 6 year old ...well done !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tigwig]

can I just add to this that I am a trained nursery nurse and have very recently done a child protection course where 2 specially trained nurses who deal with child abuse on a daily basis have spoken to us. They clearly point out that inappropriate sexual behaviour in any shape or form MAY be a sign of sexual abuse. I am not for one minute suggesting this is the case but when they told us that this thread was my first thought. I would bare that in mind goodsoulette and honestly if I were you I would seek further advice from professionals. You don't need to tell them names at this stage but they could offer you further advice in confidence. I don't know if I am thinking this is more serious than it is but if you won't go into details then I don't really know what to think.