Adoption

[clcandj]

My sister was forced by our parents to give up her baby for adoption when she was 15 years old. Maybe that was best for all but I don't think so. So now its been about 19 years ago this all happened. But I would like to know if anyone has any suggestions on how I could possibly find him or just something about him or how he's doing. I can't get anyone in my family that had any thing to do with the adoption to talk to me about it. Can any of you help me out in any way? Please!!

[Oneeyedvic]

Really got to ask the question why you want to know.... Do you think this will be like a film and you will find a nephew and have a wonderful relationship. Or do you think a 19 year old can have their life turned upside down by finding out they are adopted (not all children/adults do know or are told). Is this something you want to do for yourslef, for your sister or for your nephew. I really wouldn't look at finding him until you can answer all the above questions.

[clcandj]

Do you really think I haven't tought about everything you said in your answer? I have many more times than once and even more questions than that. Its for me and my sister and for him. I appreciate your answer to my question but I figure that by now all honest and good people will tell their adopted kids the truth. Also , what if he ended up in a bad situation? What if he became a part of the system? I was only 10 when it happened to my sister, but I have always wanted to know that he was doing well. I don't even necessarily have to meet him, I just need to know he's ok. I would want to meet him if it was possible and also his parents but I would only do what we all felt was best. If he does know, then he may be looking also.

[choc.lady]

The question I have for you is; What does your sister think of you looking for her child. Does she want you to look for her child? Now a days the adopted parents are given the info.on the parents,so when the child is ready to ask any questions about his/her birth parents they can give the child the info.

[Oneeyedvic]

I totally disagree with your comments about good peeople telling them. My wife adopted 2 kids in her previous marriage - both kids do know they are adopted, and the eledest son (25) would be devestated if someone got into contact with him and wanted to meet him. As far as he is concerned his mum (my wife) is his mum and thats it. That said, she is aware of other couples who have decided (rightly or wrongly) not to tell there child. I am assuming you are 29 - You say it happened 19 years ago whn you were 10. If this is the case, how would you feel if your mother suddenly turned around and said "by the way you are adopted". WE didn't tell you as there was never a good time (firstly you were too young, then there was all those problems with your sister, then it seemed too late, but now a member of your original family are trying to get in contact with you..... Doesn't sound too good does it. Yes he may know, and in which case he may want to trace you. It will be very easy for him as his parents would have his original birth certificate with your sisters name on it. His parents would also know the area she came from. If he wanted to, he really could find you. Everyone makes there choices and have to stand by them. What happens if he is in a good situation. What if he is ok but then gets devestated by this news. I really do think that the past is the past. If this is a really pressing problem to you and or your sister I really would suggest councelling

[clcandj]

If my mother told me I was adopted, at this point in my life,I could handle it. I am 30 now yes I was 10 then soon to be 11. Now at that age I probably wouldn't have been able to handle it. However he is 19 yrs old and I think he could handle it now but like I said earlier, I really would just like to know if he's ok. So anyways obviously everyone here seems to think its wrong to want to find out and thats ok. I just thought I'd see if anyone had any suggestions on locating him. As for counseling for me and my sister, no I don't need it and I don't think she does either, but thanks anyway. You know this was all in around 1984ish and I don't know if any info was given to the adoptive parents or not it was a private adoption through an attorney. My sister didn't want to give up her son, she was raped at 14 and gave birth at 15. Nothing there was her choice and I think maybe he needs to know that the choice was not hers. Maybe none of that matters and probably doesn't. And if noone on this site agrees with me or wants to help that is fine but as far as I can see, it was worth a try. Thank you all for your input.

[Oneeyedvic]

My awnswers are purely mine - not anyone elses on this site. My wife adopter 23 years ago and has the original details of both kids adoptive parents - so yes he can trace you if he wants. Having said that, if you are intent on finding him good luck to you. As I said, just my views.

[Oneeyedvic]

From a local council website: If you are adopted - Thoughts about your birth parents can be totally different from reality. A reunion may be a success or a disappointment. It is recommended that you discuss your situation with a counsellor. When you reach 18 you can obtain a copy of your original birth certificate. You can register with the contact register. You need to write for an application form and leaflet ACR110 to : The General Register Office (Adoptions Section) Contact Register, Smedley Hydro Trafalgar Road, Birkdale, South port, Merseyside PR8 2HH If you are curious to know whether your birth parents would welcome contact you can see whether they have registered with the Contact Register. If your birth parent and you have supplied registration details you will be notified of a matching registration. If you are a birth parent and whether you are seeking news of your child or have been contacted by your son or daughter you may find it helpful to discuss your situation with a counsellor. If the adoption was through an agency you should contact them initially. If not, you should request an application form from the The General Register Office (address above) which will enable you to register your wish for contact. There is a fee for anyone using the register. Hopet his helps

[georgit79]

You can't do anything- it's your sister who has to want to track down her child. As far as the authorities are concerned, you have absolutely nothing to do with it. Have you spoken to your sister about this or is it just you who wants to find the child?

[dirtyharriet]

This site may help. http://www.peopletracer.co.uk/ Good luck in your search, I hope you find what you are lokking for.