My Troublesome Son

[jamestate]

I have a son of 12 and I'm really worried about him. All he ever does when he's in the house is stay in his room and use his pc. I wouldn't mind so much if he was playing games or listening to music, but all he ever does is look at filthy images on the internet. I've tried talking to him but he gets upset, starts screaming and then storms out of the house. I've even checked the history log in internet explorer and couldn't find a single entry that wasn't a dirty site. What do I do? I'm not a prude.

[andy hughes]

You should check your internet provider - they all provide safeguards to prevent access to unsuitable material, and you can arrange that adult sites are not accessable to him. Failing that, move his PC into a downstairs room where you can supervise his activities - letting a twelve-year-old have unrestricted access to the Net is not a good idea- which is why the safeguards are available. It only takes a few minutes to set them up, and you can rest assured he isn't getting to areas he shouldn't. You may want to discuss your son's approach to his free time - spening hours in a bedroom on a PC for any reason is not healthy, try to widen his interests, and social life.

[stewardsons]

my son is the same except all he does is go on my bookmarked sites and use my cc to sign up and download filthy videos. I have had enough although one was quite a turn on.

[stewardsons]

i also caught my other son going up to the computer room with a box of tissues and he is only 3!

[Dilkes]

I believe that your son should be allowed to experience the internet including all of its content. It would be unfair to shield your child from these 'dirty images' as they are a part of normal everyday life. It is also very normal for a boy of 12 to be interested in the 'birds & the bees', so I think the internet is a great place for your child to learn about these facts of life. That aside, he does need to expand his social side and possibly get out a bit more. Have you spoke to his friends about it?

[clcandj]

I agree with andy hughes. Some kind of parental control blocker is your best way of dealing with this problem. Try www.download.com and see if there is something there, I'm sure there are some that will give you its service for a free trial period so you can see what it has to offer. Good luck!!

[MrsCheeks]

the best parental conrol over what your child is exposed to on the internet is to NOT ALLOW THEM ON IT UNACCOMAPNIED!!! Put the pc in the lounge where you can see what he is viewing. I have 3 children and although they have a pc upstairs under NO circumstances are they going to EVER be allowed to surf the net unless it is on either mine or my husbands pc - his being in the lounge andnmine in the dining room. This way we can protect our children from being able to view porn etc because some of the search engines who claim to have controls set up are just as likely to have some slip through ... which is what happened to me just last week. At the end of the day it is parents responsibility to protect their child and I dont believe in allowing any child under 16 access to the internet unsupervised.

[Dilkes]

MrsCheeks, That is a very good answer. Let me ask you; Do you and your husband have seperate television sets?

[stewardsons]

is it ok for children to look at pictures of naked people if they are the same age as them? i always wished i could see the girls in my class naked when i was young so why stop my children doing it now we have the wonderful internet that allows dreams to come true?

[georgit79]

Dilkes: it may be natural for jamestate's son to be learning about the birds and the bees at his age, but some of the thing's he'll be seeing on those sites are certainly not natural. Porn movies have 18 certificates for a reason! I believe that he should be prevented from surfing these sites and having access to these images, as he is only twelve, and should just be starting to develop relationships with actual real-life girls of his own age! These sites will only confuse him and affect his ability to interact with other kids (remember: he's still a kid) of a similar age. Do what andyhughes has suggested: get those safeguards set up and move the computer somewhere else if he refuses to come out of his room. It's the only way.

[andy hughes]

Dilkes - you and I, as adults, know that the images on the net are not happy loving couples in meaningful relationships! A twelve year old is not mature enough to judge what he is seeing for what it is - adult images, for adults - and the notion that you suggest his education should include some of the graphic material is dreadful,and irresponsible in the extreme. My children will learn about these things if they wish to pursue them when they are old enough to understand what they are seeing, and make valued judgements. As youngsters, we shielded them from the worst the world has to offer - it is not a matter of 'education', because they are not part of 'normal everyday life' - unless your connection is to some Enid Blyton land which the rest of us habe yet to discover. The net can be a nasty dangerous place, and the notion of a child (and that is what he is) surfing it unsupervised is a sinister concept. Your agreement with it is more sinister still. Want to reconsider and re-post?

[stoo_pid]

And its not just porn sites. It's only a matter of time before he starts to use chat rooms. The potential dangers of using chat rooms are well documented. If his school is any good he'll almost certainly be told of these dangers & advised how to avoid them but that doesn't mean he'll listen. The NSPCC have a lot of free practical advice written for adults & kids. http://www.nspcc.org.uk/html/home/needadvice/helpyourchildsu rfinsafety.htm If you're not sure what type of filtering software to buy the Parents Information Network have some helpful advice http://www.pin.org.uk/filtering/index.htm

[MrsCheeks]

Dilkes - we have a tv in the bedroom, and our children have one in each of their bedrooms but as the reception round here is sh1te they can only play PS games or watch videos. The reason my DH and I have our own PC's is because he built one for me so I can surf the net anytime I like instead of having to book a time slot on the 1 pc we did have. We play games against each other on the pc's because they are networked, he does work on his and I run a website and keep all my stuff on my pc. Bit like me having my own bike and him having his own bike really!! Got a problem with that?

[Wraith]

Dilkes, saying "It would be unfair to shield your child from these 'dirty images' as they are a part of normal everyday life." is a little naive to say the least. As you and many of the other AB users are probably aware there are some very nasty sites out there. There are sites on bestiality and some containing child pornography, having access to some sites with filthy images means you get the lot. I for one would certainly not want my children to see any of these sites.

jamestate, you certainly are not a prude and have every right to be worried. As andy hughes suggests you need to get some restrictions set on his computer.

If he uses Google as a search engine you can set the Safe Search Filter to filter both explicit text and explicit images. To do this go to the Google Home page and click on the Preferences button next to the Search button. This will open a page where you can set the Safe Search Filter and save your settings. Unfortunately this is not password protected and will reset if he clears his Cookies.

[Wraith]

Continued from above:-

The other thing you can do is to set the Content Advisor in the Internet Options (Internet Explorer Version 6). To do this, go to Internet Options in the Control Panel (Start, Settings, Control Panel, Internet Options). Click on the tab marked Content. At the top of the dialog box you will see two buttons, Enable and Settings. Go into settings and you can set ratings against various categories. There are various other settings you can make using the other tabs, such as a password. Once you have set what you want click Apply then OK. Now click on Enable.

Hope this helps.

[xxlizziexx]

im not an expert on this at all but is there maybe some way that you can block him from going no some sites. does he have a family guy member that gets on well with him adn they can talk to him about it but carmly, you got to admit its got to be kind of embassing to your mum even tho your trying to do your best ey :) hope this helps xx :)

[FP]

You have been given a lot of good advice. Simply take the PC out of his room. He is a child and at a very vulnerable age. You must be firm with him and not let his shouting and screaming sway you. He should have varied interests at his age, including plenty of physical exercise. Encourage him to join some clubs and get out and about. Computers should take take over our lives.

[Greedyfly]

Dilkes - Can I ask you how old you are?

[nrmatth]

it seems that by getting upset, screaming, and storming out of the house he has proven he is not mature enough to have the responsibility involved with having a pc in his room anyway. definately remove it to somewhere that is private from a main family area but public anough to glance in on his surfing here and there. and definatly get a parental block for it. and to dilkes, i'd like to ask if you'd teach your child the birds and bees by sitting down with a porn? i think i'd rather my preteen not see pedifials, beastiality and s&m-like material before they even understand the true facts about healthy relationships and sex. this material has age restrictions for a reason.

[cheyenne]

more words of wisdom from dilkes,god help us"