What to do when controlled crying isn't an option?

[mountainboo]

Hi, happy new year to you all

So, my lo is now just over 9 months old. As I have probably explained previously, he has never been able to soothe himself back to sleep. We have always gone running in within the first few seconds of his waking and generally brought him into our bed (every night in fact). I have recently weaned him completely off the breast so he has a beaker of formula before bed, which I must say has helped as he will generally sleep soundly in his cot for up to 3 hours. I know all about the phases of sleep and I believe that when he first wakes it's during the easy waking stage, so we usually manage to get him off to sleep again, but then shortly after he will wake again, and again so we then bring him into our bed where he remains. Within the last couple of weeks he wakes in our bed at 4ish and starts headbutting, kicking and generally using us as a launch pad. I personally think he finds it restrictive sleeping with us. He eventually goes off to sleep again. The strange thing is that about a month ago he slept soundly in his cot from 9pm until 6 or 7am ish for 7 days on the trot!! That was the first time since before teething!

How do I get him to 'learn to sleep' himself? We researched the CC thing and it's not for us.

TIA

[andy-hughes]

I've never heard of 'controlled crying' -t does sound like a most unpleasant concept to me though - just from the label.

In my experience, babies cry for a reason. They are either hungry, wet, cold, hot, tired, or just a bit lonely, but the notion that they cry for the sake of it, or 'to exercise their lungs' as previous generations used to say, is frankly not on.

If your son stirs in his cot, try going in and just leaning over him so he can hear and smell you. Rub his back very gently and speak to him in a soft voice, so he knows you are there. This may be enough to settle him off.

Some children simply don't sleep through the night - our yongest was four and in Reception before she slept regularly through the night.

Don't worry about it, and don;t panic because all your friends, or maybe even youre previous babies, slept like angels, some just don't, and that's the way they are.

If you are patient, and stick to only lifting him if he really won't settle, then he will eventually sleep through - they all do.

Good luck!

[mountainboo]

Thanks Andy. I think I really need to relax a bit. Your right, he will sleep through the night eventually. I am constantly being told by my parents 'if you continue to keep him in your bed, he'll never sleep in his own' and 'he should be sleeping through by now'.

I guess I should just keep doing the reassuring thing as much as possible to prolong his time in the cot.

Like you say, you see other babies sleeping like angels for instance my neice, who is 6 weeks older than my son. I'm prepared to accept that some just don't sleep through, actually in a way that has lifted a weight, I can stop looking for answers now.

Many thanks

[Psychick]

Hi mountainboo, the time is going quick isnt it? Mine is almost 11 months and still hasnt slept through a night! We kept being told by the HV to just let her cry but for us also, that isnt an option during the night as no-one in a family of four wouldnt get any sleep! Bedtimes are not a problem at all, We lay her down in her cot awake, leave a nightlight on and she drifts off on her own. However, she does have a bottle. I could literally give her an empty bottle during the night and she would always settle back down with just that and no interaction from us! She does have a night feed though, usually around 4-5 am. I know alot will disagree with what we do but it works for us and baby. I am not suggesting though that you start giving him a bottle when he normally goes through without.

What is your sons bedtime routine? Is he in his own room? Do you leave a nightlight on and have you tried leaving a radio playing quietly so theres constant sound? some babies simply cant sleep in silence. Try the reassurance thing, even if it means you both have to take it in turns going into him all night. You may want to try on a weekend if neither of you work then. Hopefully he will soon realise he isnt going to be brought into your bed and will get used to sleeping in his own. Once the habit is broken, he may start to stay asleep for longer and eventually, through the night!

[redcrx]

hiya,
baby CRX has just spent 3 weeks like a newborn, waking twice in the night for a bottle and cuddle.
It was teething for her and she is now almost back into her routine.
I hate to hear her cry but if i know shes safe, not hungry, then i will let her cry for a little while (not upset screaming etc) as she will often do this when tired.
If she wakes in the night now she will whinge for a few mins, then play for a bit and then nod off again without intervention now. Unless of course, shes stood up as she cant always get back down to sitting lol.
its easy for any of us to offer advice but id say try not to allow baby MB into your bed as he could get used to that. Maybe just rub his back for a bit til he quietens, dont talk, and then slowly leave the room or stand in the doorway for a bit.
Try a lullaby toy or gloworm type thing that plays soft music.

[andy-hughes]

I'm glad that my advice - and that which followed - has set your mind at rest.

Sleeping is not a competition - no-one gives out medals for the hum who'se baby is first to get ten hours in - it's just that some people make it feel like that. Babies are like the rest of us - individuals.

Remember, staying dry - another boast-fest for the lucky ones - and it is luck not skill that gives some parents a dry bottom and restful night earlier than the rest of us., and sleeping through are something every single baby ever born gets to eventually, it's not a race, so don't panic about it.

By the time baby gets to Reception Class he will be sleeping through, potty trained, and ready to make his way in the world - just like every other child.

He will get there - fact. How fast is not important.

[mountainboo]

Thanks for all the advice. I have relaxed a little now. I do agree though that I should try not to get him into our bed. I am a bit naughty in that if he wakes at a time when I have been in a deep sleep, it's usually then that I bring him in with us, rather than soothe him back to sleep. I will push myself to do that in future though.
Seems like only yesturday that we were all exchanging pregnancy stories!
Anyway, thanks again.