Parenting

[tarzan]

Does anyone ever wonder why they ever had children? Although I often do I'm glad I did but I have heard people who seriously wish they hadn't. I am curious if there have always been people like this or whether it is the more stressful lifestyle and demands that children place on parents these days.

[andy hughes]

I've always believed - and stated on this Site - that people marry and have children as a result of social pressure. The "It's been a while, when will we hear wedding bells?" followed by "When will we hear the patter of tiny feet / time's getting on / we'd love grandchildren ..." and so on means people marry and have children without giving the issues serious thought. Marriage and children are hard work, but the rewards are immeasurable. I thought long and hard about marrying a woman with two children, and again about having a third between us, but i have never ever regreted either decision for a moment. Every day I think how lucky I am, and even in the bad times, I have never wished my life had taken a different path. That said - and I'm not trying to take the moral high ground here - there are people who go through life allowing things like marriage and children to simply happen to them, without thinking through the implications, and they are often unhappy and unfulfilled - and that has always been the case, it's just that there are more opportunities to make feelings known through 'cattle' TV and cheap magazines.

[SGKelloe32]

I know a woman who has a ten year old, and openly admits that she has never wanted heras she was a mistake, she refuses to takeher on holiday with her and won't look afterher on a weekend, personally, i can't understand her, being a parent of a one year old, i couldn'tunderstand not feeling that love for her even though shewas not planned......

[ICEMANSAV]

I think if a child is unplanned then there is that possibilty that you would resent him/her. I do not want children as I see them as a financial burden and increasingly more of a fashion trend. It depends on what emotional level you connect yourself with the notion of children. For some it is a meaning to life, too others it is just an inevitable step taken with a partner. People I know who have had children are riddled with debt and stress for what benefit? The love of a child? I'll get a dog!

[veritysims]

I am a very busy mother of two children ( a one year old and a particularly �hallenging four year old) I also work part time. I am stressed alot of the time and very tired. I see my childless friends living their indulgent lifestyles, with their disposable income and their leisure time and yes, at times I envy them but I dont regret having my children. We are a family and I couldnt imagine life without them. I do enjoy the peace when they go to my Mothers house though. 

[l_h_kings]

I don't think social pressure is the issue.  I think the reason humans have survived for hundreds of generations is because of our desire to spread our genes and reproduce - remember sex? that's what its all about, and that's what we are here for...

I don't think anyone who has not had children of their own can even begin to imagine how much they would love them.  yes icemansav, i've got 2 dogs, and i used to think i loved them like they were my babies, until i had a real baby (unplanned);  and I was overwhelmed by how much i loved him when he was born...

Having kids opens up a whole new dimension of your emotions that you do not even know is there until you have them.

[ICEMANSAV]

I appreciate your answer IH kings, but that was my point that I believe you have parental instincts before you have a child, some people have them or not its a choice. Reproduction is not the soul reason for sex, sex is there for two people to expree intimately how they feel about one another. I don't have a dog, but it was a reference that I feel ( 24) that i do not need to have children to fill any emotional void in my life. I have my girlfriend and " indulgent" lifestyle that makes me happy, therefore a child disrupting my life and the way i live it would be grossly un welcome. It may be different for Mothers as there is that physical as well as emotional bond, but as a dad of an " accident" it would sadden me beyond belief to have to have a child.

[Diablod666]

i think that people who allow "accidents" to happen are just as bad as those who allow themselves to be pressured into marriage/ child bearing because of social reasons. "accidents" dont need to happen any more, this is not the caveman times anymore and there is now birth control! im not having a go at people who let "accidents" happen, but just pointing out that they are doing just that. letting them happen.

in answer to your question i am sure almost every parent has asked themselves why they ever had children. throughtout the history of time since people could think, not just today.