Is it possible for you to put her cot, crib, bed whatever next to your own for the time being , so that when you put her down you could lie on your bed and gently hold her hand ,or stroke her, chest or tummy. If you can sing to her as well or gently talk , with your little night light on she may fall asleep more easily.
Am not a child expert by any means but this sounds to me like a separation issue , and it is hard to overcome.
You must be tired out , and I think a different HV could be helpful.
Would she fall asleep in your arms when the bed time routine was over if she was snuggled in to you ,say on the settee? The very best of luck-- try to stay calm , hard when you are so tired , could nan or dad put her to bed one night to give you a break?