Please help! my daughter is a nightmare!!

[onlyme26]

basically my 9 year old daughter just refuses to do as she is told! im so fed up now i dont know what to do, i shout at her, then i always end up feeling guilty and shouting does nothing!!
i send her to her room she refuses to go, i litterally have to drag her there and then she just comesstraight backout!!

i need some tips and ideas on how to control her!

she isnt bad all the time, i mean i would say she is naughty 3 out of 7 days, she is lovely when she wants to be.,its just when i ask her to do somehting and she doesnt want to she really really kicks off about it!

i have tried the charts and giving her treats for good bahaviour but doest ever last she gets fed up and starts being naughty again :(:(

[Sqad]

Ratter....I was going to keep put of this....but I have just lost it.........in your last 2 posts you have mentioned the word "beating" twice.........the corporal punishment brigade have explained why the word "beating" is totally emptive and inaccurate.

Smacking is NOT the same as "beating" which you continually use..for EFFECT:

[MissCommando]

Sqad - I completely agree with you! Smacking and beating are 2 completely different things.

[RATTER15]

Sqad, you lost it the day you decided to become an online quack!!

So unprofessional and rather seedy if you ask me!!

Oh, but you weren't asking me, I do apologise! :-)

[RATTER15]

Of course we can call it smacking if you want it to sound less brutal!!

[ummmm]

RATTER...I don't understand?

[RATTER15]

I just dont understand how anybody can justify hitting, smacking, slapping, beating, whatever you want to dress it up as, to control a small child.

[carmalee]

am not trawling through 180 odd answers but clearly the child doesn't respect you - she is old enough to know right from wrong and is just taking the mickey - it appears you haven't set and enforced boundaries - what I'd do is pick a quiet time and don't ask for her agreement just calmly tell her from now on this is what is going to happen - it it doesn't - give her a clip round the ear and remove all privileges until she behaves. She then has to earn them back. There is absolutely no ways I'd put up with a child dictating the house rules.

[Jemisa]

I've been watching this thread with great interest because my own G/daughter (6) has these tantrums too. Also over the silliest of things. My daughter never smacks her but she shouts till she's hoarse. Sends her to her room and yes a lot of abuse is shouted at her mother.We hoped she would grow out of it but your little girl onlyme is 9 and I read someone elses is 11, oh dear.
She had one of these tantrums when her mother went to collect her from a friends house. They were dressing up, she was not going to take the dress off, she was not going with her mother, in the end she was dragged kicking and screaming to the car. Was sent to her room still kicking and screaming she picked up toys & hurled them at her mother, one a toy car hit her in the face. She was soo angry with her that for the first time ever she slapped her legs.
She then spent ages on the phone to me crying saying how guilty she felt & she shouldn't have lost control. I said "You should have done it years ago.
It seems to me there just isn't an answer here.

jem

[carmalee]

to add to my previous post - my daughter had the most momumental screaming hissy fit when she was you - in a department store - I took her straight out, put her in the car still screaming and fighting then sat her on the stairs to cool off - shut the door and ingnored all the screaming. Half an hour later she opened the door and said ' I'm ready to come back in now Mummy' and I said 'Well I'm not ready to have you back in here yet and I set the rules go back so go back on the stairs.' and I sent her back out for another half an hour. We had lots of cuddles and laughs when she was finally ' released' and he never tried it again even though she was a strong willed child.

[RATTER15]

And you achieved that without beating your child, well done carmalee! :-)

[Jemisa]

"go back and sit on the stairs" You kidding? We've tried that one and done the trip a dozen times. Soo yours may have had a 'hissy-fit' but she's very well behaved with it.

jem

[tastymorsel]

I used to babysit my niece and she was a little horror.As soon as she realised mum had gone out she would scream for hours,one night I had enough of this and I turned off the central heating,sat her on the stairs in her jimmys and said"you can either sit there in the cold screaming all night or you can come into the living room and watch telly.Entirely up to you"I closed the living room door and left her there.Within 5 minutes she was cuddled up on the sofa with me happily watching telly.Her mum was well impressed !!!!

[B00]

Same as carmalee, im not going back over 10 pages worth, but just to stick up for sqad slightly, im another in the "if you grossly missbehave, you'll get a smack" brigade.

Mini Boo is now 5, nd i like to think she's a normal, healthy, well behaved child most of the times. Sure she throws tantrums and pushes her luck, but when warned she'll calm down. If she pushes it too far though, she will get a smack, and i frankly don't give a damn how others see this to be honest.

9 times out of 10, the threat of a smacked bottom or legs is enough to make her behave, but if not, she knows what will happen.

I also brought up elder Mini Boo (who's now 22) exactly the same, and apart from the normal teen problems, again I never had that much of an issue with her. She did and still does respect both myself and Mr Boo. We certainly had none of the tantrums from her as a 9 year old that onlyme is describing, and I can't help thinking it's because we didn't pander to her whims and used the softly softly approach that now seems to be the norm.

[Jemisa]

I'm exactly the same Boo. Told the daughter from day one to use a smack. My three have all turned out fine and they had a few, but they say now they deserved them. (I rest my case)

jem

[carmalee]

jemisa - am assuming your post 'had a hissy fit but was very well behaved' etc is referring to my post. Not too sure what you meant by it but to make it clear - we expected and got what we considered normal behaviour from our kids - nothing special just simple old fashioned good manners - both mine were absolute tearaways, brought up in the bush in Africa a lot of the time, occasionally home schooled, occasionally not but they had respect for family, friends, our staff and their families. Both turned out brilliantly.

[LoftyLottie]

Jemisa you can't honestly say that because you smacked your children that is the reason they turned out fine. I could say that that my son turned out fine because I didn't smack him! ;o).

Even if I wanted to smack I couldn't. I just can't hit people.

[Marijn]

Smacking is lazy parenting. Even for all of you who think it's ok to cause physical pain and/or humilation to your children, I'm sure you must realise it's the quick and lazy way.