Who should do the travelling?

[padders]

My ex-wife has taken my daughter to live in another part of the country, which is a 4 hour drive away?  I am trying to sort things out amicably over access visits however, my ex-wife says that I should drive 4 hours up there, collect my daughter and then drive 4 hours home again.  I cant afford to stay in bed and breakfast on a regular basis and I think that either I should drive up to collect her or take her home at the end of the visit.  Alternatively, we should meet halfway on both occasions.  Does anyone else have any experience of this as I want to enjoy the limited amout of time that I have with my daughter and not be exhausted by an 8 hour drive.

[Gem123]

my brother in laws girlfriend lives in manchester with her daughter and the daughters father lives near oxford and they always meet in the middle. It seems to work

[ursula62]

Padders, while I sympathise with your predicament I have to say that feeling it's "unfair" isn't the answer.

At the moment you are feeling angry and hurt, and that's understandable, but once you have had a chance to calm down and think about this clearly I'm sure you'll realise that your daughter is very important to you.  Yes, your exwife is being unfair and unreasonable, but she's probably hurting too.

You have to weigh up whether your need to be fairly treated is greater than your need to see your daughter. 

I'm sure you will make the right decision.

[ursula62]

Padders - been worrying for you... so I asked a friend who had been in a similar situation to you a few years ago. He said he felt just like you did at first.

But he also said that he and his wife made an extra effort to work things out so that it didn't upset the children.

Ex-wife would drive the children to a motorway service station about half way and he would meet them there. They would ALL have a nice meal together (if you CAN have a nice meal in a service station) and then he would drive the children back to his house for the rest of the weekend.  Afterwards they would meet up at a similar place to swap the children back, and again have a meal or a picnic together as a group.

After a few months of this, they both agreed to bring along their respective partners as the arrangement was working so well. Now everyone is friends and things are much easier for the children.

Good luck!

[Le Chat]

Yes Padders, your ex is being difficult and quite unreasonable but short of discussing it with her and trying to find a midway, there's not much you can do. Unfortunately, your ex has all the control.

I really hope, for the sake of your daughter, that this can be worked out happily. Why don't you show your ex your question on AB and all these suggestions. I'm sure there will be many more!!

[padders]

Thanks Ursula62, for your reply.  This is what I would like to see happen for the benefit of all concerned.  However, the ex is presently being a bit difficult saying she can't afford the petrol to drive halfway.  Obviously, for me it wasn't my choice that she took my daughter so far from me and my family but there is very little you can do about it.  Have to hope we can eventually come to an agreement like your friend has.

 

Thanks anyway

[Gevs1966]

Another alternative would be for you to pick your child up at the start of the weekend and for your ex to pick her up at the end of the weekend to take her home again. It is not really right for her to moan about the petrol costs but expect you to foot the entire bill of two round trips.

 

It might be an idea to get some advice on where you stand with this legally. I'm not saying to go to court over it now but if the amicable approach does not work out then at least you know where you stand with regard to access and the responsibility of travel for your daughter. After all it never hurts to be prepared for the worst.

 

Hope you can work things out without this step though.

[padders]

Well, I've written to the ex proposing that we meet halfway for the Easter visit so will see what happens now!