In Laws - Grrrrrrrrrrr

[karenmac60]

Not so much a question as a rant. It's mr mac's birthday on Friday and his mum and sister always have to take him out for a meal on the actual day. They're really not fans of mine, and they usually pretty much ignore my daughter and I at these meals. Also SIL always picks the venue which is always somewhere expensive, she always complains about something and basically the whole evening revolves around her. We decided that this year he would go out with them on Friday, then on Saturday the 3 of us would go for a meal, daughter would get picked up by her dad after and then we'd have a night out. Today, SIL said she was busy on friday so could they change the meal to Sat. When Mr mac said we had plans she said that was fine, they'd just come along with us. No invite or anything, she has just decided what everyone is doing. I'm fuming! What was going to be a nice family meal and a good night out will now be stressful and me and mini me will sit minding our ps and qs while being ignored and mr mac will end up getting more and more annoyed at his mum and sister. We'd change our night out to the Friday, but my daughter can only stay with her dad on Saturday. Aaaaaarrrggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dotty.]

well that's pants, then tell them beforehand your budget, otherwise they'll try to order the most expensive thing on the menu,

[pussnboots]

If mr mac won't do anything about it and you can't because it'll make things worse then I think you're stuck. Perhaps in future you can plan a weekend away in advance and just go without telling her your plans.

[yogi-bear]

Hi karen,

Can you not ask Mr Mac just to say that he's decided he wants to go with you and mini mac....no others that night?....and that is his decision :0)

If SIL wants to make you dear hubby's life a misery or threatens him too......he should completely cut off from her and have nothing furtermore to do with her imo.

She probably does this as she knows that mr mac would not say anything to her.

He's got to do it now and say something, as it's clearly affecting you, and as his wife this is just not on at all, sweetheart.

Hope you feel better after your rant, my lovely, and a justified one it is that i hope you get sorted out quickly and makes you happy :0) xx.

[chattykathy]

Albags, you've really made me laugh!
Karen - I know how difficult in-laws can be and how you can't really interfere. You could say you were planning to go to McDonalds - that might put them off!

[karenmac60]

Ummmm, I think if I started I wouldn't stop and they'd never speak to him again. I've had 7 years of this guff and I've built up a very healthy resentment :) I've told him though, that once his mum goes I'm having nothing to do with sis and she's not welcome - and if he can't tell her I'll be more than happy to.

[yogi-bear]

p.s .....I'm a bit tiddly as i just came back from my pub quiz and as it was'nt my turn to drive so had a few shorts. I'm a happy drunk i am :0)

[ummmm]

I think if I started I wouldn't stop and they'd never speak to him again...

Do they bring any happiness to his life?

I used to take a rake of crap from my sister....one day I lost the head and punched her...she stopped talking to me. Once I'd gotten over the guilt of hitting her it was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. I didn't know until then what a negative effect she had on me...

Might be a blessing in disguise :-)

[anneasquith]

yogi,,,,,,,i hope you dont have a " sore head " tomorrow,,,,,,,,,,,,

[mrs.chappie]

Yup, he'll most certainly be a bear with a sore head tomorrow.

[DaisyNonna]

For goodness sake! Why go through all that aggro? Let them get on with it and go out the following Saturday.

[yogi-bear]

Had another thought......involves a little white lie though.......

Could you not say that you or mini mac is ill on the day you were to go out with SIL inviting herself along.....say the morning call her and that you cant make it.......... and book another restaurant and go there....just the three of you and have your planned family night out.


Hiya Anne,

Me too!...i'm ok though....just merry and a bit wobbly. I'm waiting till the room stops spinning about .....then i'll trundle off to bed :0) x

[slinkycat]

Was just going to post more or less the same as Daisy. Know it must be difficult but why should your OH, and you for that matter, spend what is supposed to be his celebration, getting stressed and upset?

[karenmac60]

Well, I just had a long talk with mr mac and said I'd prefer him to tell her not to come. You'd have thought I'd asked him to strangle a pup with his bare hands - so I'm not holding my breath. Oh well, thanks for the advice everyone and letting me have my rant. I'm sure it won't be the last :)

[Mamyalynne]

Oh Karen, I do feel for you, when these family scenarios are so entrenched is it so difficult to change them. I have no real advice, I personally in the past have just enjoyed my food and let the bickering go over my head.
However MrMac sounds a pushover, he also sounds like a lovely chap.

Mamya ♥

[China Doll]

All of you develop a severe case of D&V on saturday which you couldn't possibly pass on to sis... then go off and do your own thing :c)

[joeluke]

Your husband needs to man up, grow a pair and stop being dominated by his sister

[jackthehat]

Has she been given 'full details' ?

Can you big it up a little bit.........say it's already been booked for 3 and you can't increase the numbers, etc.......or say there'll be more to the evening than just the meal and that it's really not convenient ?

[DTCwordfan]

phone on Friday and say that he is a wee bit sick,you are cancelling the dinner, and dont cvome around just in case it is something more serious. Get a nice meal in with a couple of good bottles......

[rosyherb]

I put up with this for best part of 20 yrs.... with being told not to upset the perverbal apples. YOU are an independant family with additional family and rellies. By doing nothing McMac is activly encouraging this unacceptable behaviour by capitulation. You do have the right to say to SIL NO!! It caused us no end of dicussion, often heated. In the end i asked why was it acceptable for me to be put in this position, but not acceptable for anyone else to be annoyed/upset etc. I think a bit of tough talking is required. Tell SIL it does not have to be confrontational on your part or his. SIL will continue if no one tells her any differnet, why should she change her behavour it appears to be acceptable. Once I stood my ground, things changed, not overnight but... now we are treated as a family and not he and his family and then me.