Men working in Pre-schools

[mountainboo]

I have come up against a rather contentious issue. Our nearly four year old son attends a pre-school which he has become very settled in and one that we are happy with. One afternoon when I collected my son I had noticed there was a chap working there. When my husband found out he was furious and told the owner of the pre-school that under no circumstances would our son be attending if there was a male member of staff present (He has no problem with male teachers by the way).

Out of consideration the owner has notified us of days when the male member of staff will be present in January. My husband has excluded our son on those days. He personally believes that no men should be working in that type of environment. His reasons are legitimate, however I am finding it extremely difficult to support him and think he is wildly overreacting. I disagree with his theory. The fact is that this particular school is one large room with absolutely nowhere for anyone to hide. I have tried explaining this to my husband but he refuses to budge.

He believes that I do not have our son's best interests at heart by arguing the case. I am honestly not worried about this chap. This is our son's second pre-school as the in the first he was being bullied by some older children. This is the first place I have felt entirely happy with and he has made friends. To add to this, the primary school that is attached to his pre-school is my first choice for him to attend from September.

I had planned to increase his hours from February in order to prepare him for September but this chap may well be permanently relocated to our son's school in which case I would have to drastically reduce his time there!!

I just wondered, am I in the wrong for contesting my husband's wishes? TIA

[mountainboo]

He is extremely dominant in the relationship, he would never allow me to deal with things and he would never get help. I don't know why he is okay with male teachers but not male nursery workers.

[daffy654]

I had a male health visitor when my son was a baby, he was crap... not because he was a man though.

[mountainboo]

He has the uncanny ability to undermine everything I say when I argue with him, making me look stupid and in the wrong. How do I win this one?

[Ankou]

"He is extremely dominant in the relationship, he would never allow me to deal with things and he would never get help."

oh well, you'd best leave everything to him then, don't know why you are even challenging him really. hopefully your young lad will grow up not expecting to walk all over everyone.

[Teddy_boy]

Any staff will have been screened. But your husband would appear to have issues that need professional help.Left unresolved who knows what long-term affect they could have.

[EvianBaby]

Stick to your guns and allow your son to go to the school?

Have you looked at the Ofsted report?

[Jayne-123]

Yes your husband is over-reacting, what are his reasons?, does he have issues from his own childhood, or does he believe male teachers are all perverts. Remember - there have been cases highlighted recently when women were the abusers!

[B00]

He's as much to worry about from the female staff members as he has the male ones hasn't he?

Vanessa George for instance....

[jackthehat]

If you don't want your son to end up like his father in 20 years time, you'd better do something NOW!

Sod him being 'dominant' you, as a Mother, are going to have to protect your son. In those quiet moments when you have looked at your child and thought that you would 'do anything/kill anyone' to protect him.....you may have pictured strangers, or a different sort of harm, and not have realised that you would have to face your own family.
However, *things* won't improve unless you put your foot down!!

[mountainboo]

When I tried to explain that it is only a very small minority of men that pose a threat to children he then said that a school near us recently had a peopaphile, that's one out of two and not a statistic he was happy to risk

[Teddy_boy]

How extremely dominant is he?

[cazzz1975]

by telling him he will affect his sons life by burdening him with his own issues and hang-ups.

he is not right here, he cannot make you look stupid when his outrageous attitude is wrong in every way.

[mountainboo]

I will try to take a firm stance on this. I didn't realise that so many of you would agree with me and not him

[EvianBaby]

Was that a fact though? Was the person in that school charged with anything?

You wouldn't believe the amount of rumours that go round totally unfounded.

[China Doll]

It is not just men who are paedophiles. You either have to stand up to him or accept what he says. I see no other choices available to you other than leaving the relationship and taking your son with you which seems rather drastic.

[netibiza]

How utterly ridiculous, not all men are paedos, and some make very good teachers. Denholm Elliott and his wife Suzy always had a male nanny, and when I became a nursery teacher, the previous two teachers had been male, and btw the children loved them! I's worry more that the teacher was kind and capable.

[mountainboo]

Don't get me wrong, he is not dominant in the violent sense or anything.

[albaqwerty]

Firstly, don't argue. There is no point arguing with a twonk of the first order.

As has been mentioned, your opinions and thoughts are as valid as his.

[B00]

Can only agree with CD on this one.

Either make a stand or continue to be a doormat.