should i tell ex bf ex wife about his new children

[GrantA]

I was with my children father for 6 years, he does have a son with his ex wife who is now 8 years old, i have met him a few times, but ex was not allowed to have him overnight, for some reason and he did not want him to be part of ours lives. We have a lot of talks about him telling his son and ex wife about me expecting etc but he never did.

I had two children with him, and i feel that all his children should know about one another, but he wont. Personally i dont care about him, as he is a low life (him and my sister had an affair and they are now together).

Should I tell the ex wife about my two children as they dont know anything about this?

[boxtops]

If I were the ex-wife and he treated me the same way as he's now treated you, I wouldn't care - do you want all 3 kids to know what an irresponsible man with no family commitment, he is? I expect the wife's glad to be shot of him, I don't blame her for keeping the lad away from him. I would too.

[NOX]

I think in an ideal situation that would definately be preferable. How do you get on with the ex? If your relationship with her is anything approaching cordial then it might well be a way forward as none of the kids will thank you very long term if you don't make them aware of one another. The man is at this point irrelevant, he's just an unlucky co-incidence, but the children will siblings until the day they die so it's unfair not to give them the chance to be if at all possible.

[GrantA]

the only reason that i feel that they should be told is for the sake of the children, as they live in the next village to me and i think what would happen if they meet? I dont want any of the children to get hurt etc.

[missnemesis]

GrantA you have had plenty of time (enough time to make 2 children) to tell his ex about his other children so why bother now?

Do you really want all of his children to 'know about one another' or are you just p!ssed off at him and trying to exact some sort of revenge by stirring things up with his ex?

I think you need to look to your motives for doing this and ask yourself what is best for the children involved, ALL of them.

[boxtops]

In which case yes, if you all live so close together - I think you should. It's only fair in such a small community that the children know that they are related.

[GrantA]

missnemesis - i have found out since things ended that he told me so many lies during our relationship, and i feel that he would not know the truth if it hit him. One of lies was about telling his ex about the children. I found this out cos my sister who is now with him told my mum that he never did tell his ex wife.

I dont want revenge, i just want what is right for the children.

For him and my sister, i believe what goes around and comes round, so in time they will get what they deserve.

I feel for the children and his ex wife as i would want to know if i was in this situation, but just wanted to see what other people would say.

I dont know his ex wife but soon the children maybe going to the same school, so we all could end up meeting.

[GrantA]

hence why i asked this question on here, to see what other people would do.

[NOX]

Definately think a gentle introduction call to his ex would be the way forward, just to firstly set things straight with her.

[daffy654]

I think they need to know. If they are going to be growing up nearby and attending the same school they may well end up as friends without knowing that they are siblings.
There is also the possibility that as they get to the age when they start dating they could get together in an intimate way if they are unaware of the biological relationship.

[Anngel123]

If you all live in the same community surely there is a danger of the siblings pairing up? There is not too great an age range. There is reference that brothers and sisters have made relationships before when unaware they are related. I am not sure what the law says about half-siblings, but wouldn't this be illegal. If their mother has made the decision not to tell the children then I suppose you must abide by that. However, I see no problem with letting her know the situation, citing above concerns, and asking her to let the children know. Poor you! I have been in the situation with an ex going out with a sister only as a boyfriend and that was upsetting enough.

[Smowball]

Normally I would say stay out of it, but seeing as you live in a village and they may well go to the same school then yes I think you should give her a polite call. As daffy quite rightly says, if they get older and dont know they are related then who knows what might happen! Stranger things have happened.

[Tilly2]

I bet she already knows about you.

[rockyracoon]

2 years ago, I found out I had an older brother, it wasn't a pleasant time and I felt very let down by my dad. He had his reasons for not telling us, but in my eyes, they were not valid enough, my brother was brought up, not a million miles from where I was brought up, I didn't bring all my boyfriends home, doesn't bear thinking about does it?

[cathfromsaron]

i would not rock the boat!

[ladybirder]

I think tilly could well be right and his ex already knows about your children - villages, gossip etc. But just in case I think you should tell his ex wife and if she doesn't pass it on to her child then at least you have done your part. Too dangerous not to, I think. I gather your own children are aware of the other child?
If I was one of the children caught up in this I would want to know.

[tamborine]

You're a woman scorned. Tell her if you want a slap

[fruitsalad]

I agree with 2shortplanks I would have a word with the ex wife then leave it up to her to tell her kids if she wants them to know

[joeluke]

Hell hath no fury.........

[whiskeryron]

My own honest opinion in this matter would be to make friends with his ex wife, go & have a coffee together, after all you have plenty to discuss & wouldn't it be great for all the children to meet & hopefully get on well together. ( you may one day all have a holiday together).