Sister trouble

[chattykathy]

I would love to know what other people think of this situation. A week last Friday me, my fella, my sister and her husband all went to the Olympics and had a brilliant time at the Excel watching the boxing. While we were there we all kept saying it was such a shame we couldn't get into the Olympic park - I had spent hours and hours looking for tickets with no avail. I had managed to get the tickets over a year ago, booked all the travel and arranged accommodation with a friend who lives nearby, all my sister and brother in law had to do was turn up. However today sister phones and says BiL is trying to get Paralympic tickets and I thought great then she delivers the blow - they've invited my ex (who they are still friendly with) effectively blowing me out!! I just can't believe it! When I expressed my feelings she got all shirty and told me she didn't like being 'piggy i the middle' between me and the ex and put the phone down on me! I simply can't believe it, after me arranging everything, they wouldn't have gone to the Olympics without me and now they've sh*t on me. Am I over reacting? My sister is very fiery and holds a grudge so I'm worried if I say too much she'll never talk to me again! I'm so bloody angry though!!! Any thoughts or advice?

[boxtops]

On first reading your post, I think you're over reacting. Why shouldn't they take someone else to the event? You had a good time with them at the boxing - now they want to share the experience with someone else. You didn't book it just so they could buy something back for you, surely?

I'd share her feelings about piggy in the middle if you can react so jealously like this.

[Zacs-Master]

Move on. Life's too short.

[chattykathy]

My point isn't really about taking the ex, I would feel the same if they chose to take anyone else. Surely I could have had first refusal? I always put family first and I certainly didn't book it so they owed me or anything, I did it as I would never leave my sister out of anything.

[boxtops]

Well, perhaps you should - perhaps they feel the circle is too small, and they want to take other people. I don't know why you think you were owed first refusal, just because you arranged an earlier outing for them.

[chattykathy]

I suppose I expected them to be as considerate as me, being as we're family. They knew I wanted to go the stadium and I was even searching for 4 tickets to the Paralympics so would have done the same again. I will take onboard what you say boxtops, perhaps they're trying to tell me something

[puzzled54]

Well I think it's a bit mean, considering she knew you wanted to go to see the Olympic park.

[silliemillie]

Cathy, I agree the others points are valid but I would be the same as you, I would be very upset.

[lcg]

i think they are out of order. after the extent you went to to get the first tickets, why wouldn't they want to share it with you? to me, it demonstrates she thinks less of you than she does your ex. i would be pissed off too, and probably never speak to her again. what a low life.....family should come first, and she obviously doesn't appreciate the things you do for her. i don't speak to any of my family (and neither does mr kicker) and it's the most peace and quiet we have had in years. i would take the opportunity to say exactly what you want to your sister - and if she doesn't shape up, tell her to get lost.

[Jeza]

Your sister sounds just like mine (when she was alive) A real cow. Sorry if that offends anyone.

[chattykathy]

I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way, it is really mean. Trouble is she always goes on the offensive, I think I've spent my life tiptoeing around her because she's so volatile. I'm tending to agree with you Icg76 but I know I will probably avoid the confrontation. Thanks silliemillie and puzzled for your replies too.

[sherrardk]

I would be really cross, but, in my experience, family seem to think they can treat other family members like dirt but wouldn't dream of treating friends in the same way. Stick with your friends, you like each other despite your faults. x

[DTCwordfan]

Never easy with bils and sils who become close with your then partner (hub in your case).

We had one this week - eldest sis flew out to the Channel Islands for middle sis's 50th who was staying with youngest sis. The latter and her hubbie were very close with middle sis's ex and upset when they split.

Mid sis's partner is not the family cup of tea should we say, though for mid sis he provides stability to her two now-teenage children who have severe hearing problems.....(both of them teach special needs kids). Anyway middle sis cmoes downstairs last on her birthday, the lounge etc bedecked out - however , she surprised them all by revealing a diamond engagement ring - eldest sis said the kitchen was speechless.

It isn't easy - your sis has the right to ask who they wish and if they are close to your ex, so be it. Just respect that and remember you have a communication channel to him if there is anything that needs discussing.

I know you would have loved to go and you feel aggrieved - your best tactic is to remain aloof - "I hope that you have/had a great time" and not refer to that you would have liked to be there. I would call her in the morning and take this stance.....

[sherrardk]

DT - I would call in the morning and tell her to stick the tickets up her ....

[ummmm]

That would annoy me.

[chattykathy]

I don't think I will call in the morning, I need to calm down otherwise it will all come flooding out and it could end up irreconcilable. I'll just remember it for future reference. I've always been the peacemaker but it's worn really thin this time!!

[sherrardk]

Good idea, what's said can't be taken back (my (younger) twin sister has decide to be the moral compass for me since my mother died and I have bitten my tongue time and time again, wouldn't dream of saying what I thought). Families, can't live with them, can't shoot them (I have very little to do with what's left of mine but I am trying to instil in my own children that family should always be there for you - I live in hope). Hope they will all have a totally crap time, x

[chattykathy]

It's what I believe and have always instilled in my children too. I always said, 'there's plenty of other people to fall out with' this is what makes it so hard :-(

[askyourgran]

Of course she can invite who she wants, but to invite your ex over you ..that would really annoy me. How thoughtless and mean of her after all the trouble you took with the arrangements for last week. I would certainly tell her where to get off and I would never include her in any arrangements again. Don't let her walk all over you.

[chattykathy]

You're probably right there. She manages to turn everything around and never admit any wrongdoing, grrrrr!