Male/female 'jobs'..

[MadMen]

I had a little discussion with my son yesterday, who said he's going to "live at home forever".
I asked him what about when he meets someone and gets married? He said "well she can live here too". I asked what about when they have children? He said "they can sleep in the spare room". Er ok.
He said "when I come home from work, I'll sit down with my laptop and look at the news. My wife can make my dinner, do the washing, iron my shirts, bath the kids and do the cleaning... and I'll be saying get me a beer".

I asked him, seriously, why he thinks a woman should so all of those jobs, and he said "that's what women do".

Now our household has always been fairly traditional. I didn't work for years, and was able to stay at home with the kids and be a housewife - which is obviously where my son gets his views from.

We had a bit of a laugh about it, but it got me thinking, how do you insure that your child doesn't turn into a replica of his sexist, chauvinistic father?
Just thinking about it, but I do pretty much everything for him. He's 11.

[China Doll]

I guess you just don't do everything for him.

[mccfluff]

give him his own jobs to do - although he doens't think so right now he will prob move out one day and would be to his advantage if he could cook/clean use a washing machine etc

[MadMen]

Although that would seem like the simple answer, it's easier said than done.
If I ask him to make his bed, I'll get a moan and some tutting and then he'll just throw the duvet over the bed without any real effort at all.
I like the bed to be made 'properly', which is why I always end up doing everything for him.
I am sick to death of having to tidy his room up every single day, but if I don't do it then no one will.

[society]

Sounds like your son is following right along in someones footsteps.

[emmie]

then stop now before it's too late, it may be already if he comes out with that stuff.

[rockyracoon]

I agree with China.

I've just taken a step back from doing everything for the kids, I had a serious word with myself when I realised I'd turned into a skivvy, not their fault but mine.

[mccfluff]

stop doing it. make him make his bed properly and don;t do it for him if he doesn't. he is learning that if he doens't want to do something, that you will come along and "tidy" up after him

[rockyracoon]

My son cleans his room now, if he won't, I will and he won't like it!

[MadMen]

Good idea. I could start him off slowly, I suppose. Like putting his washing in the washing basket, rather than on the floor.
We did have a bit of a laugh, but I've since been thinking about it and realising that if he doesn't learn how to start doing things for himself, then he really will have a problem in the future.

I mentioned it to my Dad, that he does bugger all, and he said "he's only eleven, what do you want him to do", which kind of made me feel bad then, for expecting him to 'help'.

I asked him to put his plate in the dishwasher last night and he just looked at me, as if to say "what?"

[emmie]

that is exactly why women get into this predicament, if you lay down ground rules from early on it isn't so difficult. Does he really like getting into an unmade bed, well if he does, then let him get on with it. Whilst you are there, give him clean sheets as necessary and tell him to make the bed, as you won't be from now on. Same for other chores, make him earn them, otherwise you are making a rod for some other poor woman...

[Sharingan]

Sadly when you do it cuts both ways, I am expected to carry out the bins, to unbung the sink, dig the garden, climb up ladders painting guttering and window cleaning and I've been taught how to service a car. Girls in my family have no hope of pulling the ' I might break my nails' card. Damn :(

[MadMen]

Yeah, it's not his fault at all. He knows no different and I've just allowed it to happen really.
When he stays at his Dads, he has to make his bed and make sure his room is tidy etc, and apparently he does it all without even being asked... which then makes me mad.

[Gavmacp]

Does he get pocket money?
If so divide it up into sections for chores, behaviour etc.

[emmie]

your dad hasn't helped at all, is he like you o/h, if so you have your work cut out.

[Barmaid]

I once said to son of Mr BM "I am not your slave".
He responded "yes you are".

Well I soon disabused him of that one. Now he makes his own bed, brings down his washing, scrapes his plate after dinner and puts it in the dw and helps me unpack the shopping.

Now I just need to work the same magic on his father..........

[MadMen]

I did say to him yesterday, "blimey, you won't make a very good husband if you think like that" - although at this age he obviously didn't worry too much about that.

[Kiki-frog]

Interesting post. When my stepson was in his early teens he lived with his dad, my OH. Mr Frog had such a thing about proving that he could be just as good at looking after kids as a woman would that he did all his son's washing, ironing, cooking, tidying, cleaning, etc, etc.

Stepson is now much older and living with his girlfriend and happily lets her wait on him hand and foot as well. The point is that he thinks that domestic chores are someone else's responsibility because he's never known anything different.

If he's brought up having everything done for him, then that's going to be his world view.

But having read your post again, MadMen, do you think that he might just be trying to wind you up?

[mccfluff]

at 11 i would expect him to be able to empty and unload the diswasher!

i cant remember exact age but we left H for B when i was 10 and before tht both my brother an i had chores and we wouldn't get pocket money if they were done - hoovering, dusting emptying and loading dishwasher. at some point i learnt to iron but i ditched that one.....

having said that, i am a total slob and avoid housework as much as i possibly can....

[emmie]

i hated doing chores and the main reason was that my siblings got off scott free as they were boys, what a load of botox.

[MadMen]

I think I will start by telling him he needs to make his own bed every day and tidy his own room. I'll add the other annoying things like his washing and plates another time.

Blimey Sharingan. I remember helping my Dad when I was younger to dig the garden, but it was more as a 'fun' thing, rather than a chore. Can't say I've ever cleared any gutters though! :)

My Dad is exactly the same. My Mum was a housewife for as along as I can remember, and she did absolutely everything. Now they both work and he still can't grasp that she's as tired as he is at the end of the day, and sometimes doesn't feel like cooking. In fact, he said to me the other day "I don't know what I'm going to do when your Mother goes away for the weekend". (She's going away with family)