Special Person Being Bullied :(

[kylesmum]

My darling niece, who has several disabilities including learning, dyspraxia, autitism being the two main ones was lucky to live when she was born.

She is the most special person in all our lives.
She is a ray of sunshine in such a dull,dreary world.

She is in mainstream schooling, with one to one teaching.

She is 10 and is being bullied.She comes home and says she doesn't want to be her (her name) as she thinks it will solve everything.

The education part is now in hand.My sister has had a 2hr meet with the H of Ed

What i'm asking is quite simply, how do you educate your children, assuming they clearly don't have special needs, to help, rather than make fun of someone who clearly is 'different'?

I know children will be children but if kids are educated at grass roots would this help my niece and people like her and to stop my heart from breaking?

I have an advantage as my daughter has grown up with her.

I have wrapped up a feather boa with sparkly ostrich eggs to send to her tomorrow as a surprise and to tell her how much I love her.

How do you broach special children with your own ?

[Kleiber]

Aw, bless - poor wee thing, but how lucky she is to have a lovely auntie like you! I've got no answer for you, kylesmum, I suppose it's down to us parents to educate our children to accept others, no matter who they are, whether they have a disability or not or, when it comes to it, what colour, race or creed they are. This world can be a very cruel place sometimes, I'm sad to say. Give your little niece a big hug from me!!! Love, K xx

[murraymints]

By explaining that children are all different with differing skills and that some just may need a bit of help to do things and get through ...that we are all good at some stuff and not so good at others...and how it is important to be kind to each other..

[sherrardk]

It's never really come up here. Boy #2 has a class mate with Down's Syndrome and he has never mentioned it. My youngest has a 'severe language impairment' but doesn't (as far as I am aware) get bullied for it. However, children (and adults) will always pick on the 'weakest', not nice for that person but seems to be the way it is. At least your niece has loving family around her.

[tamborine]

We were always taught never to tease the inflicted or we might suffer same. Tell your neice only thicko cowards tease.

[magsmay]

Could you approach the headteacher to organise a part of a lesson to explain to her classmates how people cope with the challenges your niece has to cope with . While there will be the odd nasty child in the class the majority are probably curious as to her challenges ( hate the word disability) and once they understand her special needs they may be more welcome to help her rather than make fun.

[kylesmum]

Thanks everyone for your varied but positive replies.
Kleiber..TY and I promise when I see her i'll give her an extra hug x
The problem with any child with special needs is that no-one wants attention drawn to the fact, she has been 'lucky' so far, it's just so unfair that when she's reaching such a crucial point in any young girls development she is being ridiculed, she doesn't understand.

Sherardk, she also has severe difficulty with speech, I think she has reached her optimum but as time goes on she may be able to formulate what speech she has in a clearer manner.As i've said she she has been fine until now, poor little soul doesn't understand why her friends are now being unkind.I hope your youngest does well x

TY Murraymints, if only all parents were as caring x

Tambourine, she wouldn't understand that language, wouldn't mind telling them myselves though just what it's like x

magsmay, that has been couched at the school but it was felt it would isolating the child rather than intergrating them, thank you for your thoughts though x

Guess what i'm looking for is what you tell your child, is it part of your parenting skills?

[lcg]

i work in mental health and throughout my career have bumped into all sorts of clients when out with my son (who is now 19). some completely bonkers and definitely different (i can say that because i have mental health problems too!). he is polite and courteous to all of them (as he is with everyone) and was always taught to see past people's exteriors. he is funny and friendly to everyone and is usually the sensible one when out with his friends or in public. there are quite a few weird people in our family, so i think he has just got used to dealing with lots of different types of people and is confident in himself - personally i think that people who are intolerant or bully have no self esteem and get it from bullying others, and also have no self-confidence. how to solve this problem, i don't know....i'd have gone to the children's parents first and told them straight to sort their brats out. but....that might not be the best way for everyone. good luck x

[magsmay]

What I have always told my children -all four - is that everyone is different and some people have challenges that make them look/talk/act differently. I have encouraged and answered truthfully any pertinent questions and made sure they focus on the person not the 'difference' . I avoid words like 'disabled' or 'handicapped'. One of my daughters was Statemented as Special Needs at 10 years old -very bright but severely dyslexic/dyspraxic. We were lucky we could provide a private education,where she was included not excluded and went on to do very well academically. If the School will not take a proactive role in integrating your nieceand making children aware on her challenges then I would seriously consider Home Schooling -I'm not a big fan of HS but in this case it may be appropriate.

[DaisyNonna]

Hopefully children have been taught at home to help people with difficulties.
The school has failed to reinforce this.
Sometimes you have to tell children that not everybody is as lucky as they are. Children recognise from a very early age that not everyone is the same.
Teach them understanding, compassion and a willingness to help.

[Sharingan]

I have no experience of schools but we were brought up to have respect for anyone whatever their situation. My parents did make a huge effort to introduce us to people from all walks of life, of all colours, sexual orientations, social standing and with a range of disabilities both mental and physical with the clear message that everyone is equal. My one older brother is deaf and a younger one is in the autistic spectrum so we've got our share of people who are special so it's probably easier. I can't imagine how distressed my parents would be if any of use had bullied anyone and I think that's probably the crux of it in itself. Often bullies do so because they are bullied or feel inadequate in some way, so perhaps the head could make them feel important or special in some way which is connected to your niece, so that she becomes something very positive for them. It would be a nice thought that their behaviour could alter in this way but otherwise you could always go round and get nasty with the parents if it doesn't cease.

[sara3]

sadly, my kids' dad had a stroke at a very young age. they grew up being told by me that we're all people, but some of us look different, and some of us behave differently. no one chooses how they are, but we're all the same.

I'm sorry about your niece, people (and sometimes especially kids) can be horrible. it will pass.

[sherrardk]

Just a thought, are their any new pupils at the school? Seems strange that she is being picked on now when she (presumably) has been at the school since she was five.

[kylesmum]

Again thank you all for such fantastic replies !!
Anyone with any special need is special, it is a challenge shouldn't be an ordeal.

Sherrardk...no new kids at school, she is so pretty but I suppose to other kids she's different, adult teeth and such like makes her look that way to other kids

lcg...your son was lucky to have had such an understanding Mum, who clearly had persoal and professional understanding TY x

magsmay, my sister is in the fortunate position where she could not only privately educate and/or HS also but she is dogmatic that her daughter should be afforded the same priveleges as other children . all credit to her that the the Education Dept have admitted they have failed her. I like your use of 'challenges', what a great all encompassing word ! TY x

Daisy Nonna, the school initially enforced this rhetoric but as they are approaching Secondary I feel they don't know how to deal with out little star...compassion...great word !! TY x

Sharinghan...thanks for such a balanced post, not as though everyone elses werent.Much appreciated, I think a lot has to come from parenting, schools can't possibly be responsible for every aspect of a childs life, it's difficult though cos a good kid could become bullied simply because he shows compassion :(

sara3...that was an early and severe wake-up call for your kids, if any thing came out it then it was an early understanding that the world wasn't perfect, i'm sorry for the loss of the dad they didn't get to know :(

[daffy654]

When my son, who has Asperger's Syndrome, changed from a special school to mainstream we had a few similar problems. The headteacher decided to hold a special assembly about children with special needs, at no point was it made obvious that it was aimed at my son. Each class teacher was also given a book
about Asperger's Syndrome which they could give to the children to read:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/364941.Can_I_Tell_You_about_Asperger_Syndrome_

[magsmay]

Daffy -i suggested that as well -this would be the best solution -it would not alienate the child but encourage those 'mother hen' children to look after the child and stick up for her against others.

[kylesmum]

TY both daffy for the link and advice and magsmay also.

I'm sure that my sister has gone deeply into this but often reading fresh advice helps. I'm going to print this off and let my sister peruse all the advice, she is very open to anything which will help and she'll be happy i've posted this given how upset as a family we are over it. It'll show her we're all showing her support as a family.

As usual thank you very much to AB peeps. I know I can rely on excellent advice each time I pop on, might pop on more :) x

[inksplotter]

Speaking personally, dyspraxia is not a special need, it's just something like blue eyes or brown hair. Since you can't disability benefit for it, it's just a difficulty with her learning. Autism is of course different.