Does Everyone Treat All Their Children Equally Regardless Of Their Circumstances?

[dave50]

A friend of ours was left a substantial amount of money by a relative and wanted to pass on some to their three children. When he was telling us about it he said that he was going to give less to one of them because in his words 'she doesn't need it as much as the other two' which I thought was unfair. Surely they should always all be treated equally no matter what their personal circumstances or else you are favouring one over the other. What do others think?

[emmie]

so if none have cared for you they get nothing?

[FredPuli43]

No. My will provides that my daughter gets the greater part of the estate, her brother the lesser. That's because she is ten years younger, at 25, and if I died now, would be more benefited than her brother, who is already well established and now a pretty wealthy man in his own right. My son won't think ill of me for that; he'll see it as sensible.

[ummmm]

Em - yes.

[Sqad]

Fred

\\ he'll see it as sensible. \\\

Maybe now...............what about later?

[ummmm]

It's not their money and they shouldn't expect it, regardless of the effort they put in. I would certainly favour a child that went out of their way to care for me.

[emmie]

whilst i agree in principle if one is well off, but this isn't about that, nor raiding the family silver, it's about being fair, and i would definitely split it three ways. It's amazing how many don't make a will either and the squabbles and splits that ensure afterwards.

[China Doll]

I think there's a lot of people thinking there's an entitlement to money from their parents/relatives after death. My dad's Mrs would get whatever my dad has if he passed on, what she then chose to do with it in her will is up to her. It's the same for my mum and her husband. I don't consider that any of my mum or dads money/estate is anything to do with me, and it's their money/estate so they should do what they want with it. I seen how it all goes wobbly after my uncle and aunts recently had to sort out my grandads stuff for him to go in to a care home... at least one of my uncles is now regarded by me as morally repulsive as a result, and my grandads not even dead yet so heaven help them all if there is any money to inherit. Nasty business.

[society]

"I would certainly favour a child that went out of their way to care for me."

This ^^^ I agree with.

[emmie]

if there is one thing that can and does split a family it's money. Who has it and who doesn't, seen this so often, and no i wouldn't expect my mother to have favourites, she has nothing, so we get all get shares of that...

[snags]

If you're going to do it, do it equally imo.

The adult children of my Mum's OH each received a substantial cash lump sum when their Father sold his house. One was struggling financially so received an additional 10k that had to be paid back 'when they could manage it'. The other two siblings created hell and bitched massively as they felt it wasn't fair, even though they had each received thousands.

[Sqad]

Yes, I agree with the policy of CD.

\\\ at least one of my uncles is now regarded by me as morally repulsive as a result,\\\

No......can't believe that....

[emmie]

snags, my o/h saw what happened when his brother and sister in law argued the toss out of their fathers estate, it broke it up completely and he never spoke to the brother again, nor do i blame him for what the brother and the sister in law said and did, it was truly horrible.

[Sharingan]

My father makes frequent changes to his will, having always said that he will leave his estate to whoever he deems will make the most of it and look after the interests of the family better. He won't split it because he says that simply dilutes the wealth and weakens everyone. My mother's father had a similar position.

[ummmm]

It's not your money.

I would have been happy, and I'm sure my aunts and uncles would agree, if my granddad left his whole estate to my aunty (through marriage) she done everything for them. He died in October last year and she's still dealing with his estate. She deserves it, all of it.

[Sharingan]

Exactly Ummmm, someone always does something more than everyone else, and they should get it. whilst I have every plan in the world to cop for the lot, if I don't it won't break my heart because I can see the sense of what he's doing.

[ummmm]

It's when they do it out of love with no interest of financial gain. My granddad did try and include her in the will but she made it clear to the solicitor that was not to happen, ever!

[society]

When I went to visit my late dad in his last days, he give me a very, very expensive and special wrist watch. My conscience wouldn't allow me to accept it, knowing my brother lived with him and helped my mum care for him. I told my dad to give it to brother, he deserves it. I don't want anything from my parents (or anyone).

[andy-hughes]

I would treat all of my children the same.

To do otherwise is making an arbitrary decision based on my perception of them, which may not be the same as the reality they live in.

I have always tried hard to be equal with all my children, and would never be so crass as to indicate that I 'value' one over another in terms of the support i would offer them - monetary or otherwise.

As with most families, their financial circumstances differr, and aalthough once could be perceived as not 'needing' money as much as the others, who I am to make that decision for her? She has children, she can pass it on to them or give to a cats home, it is not my decision how she spends her money, any more than i would make a decision based on her perceived 'worthiness' in my eyes to receive mor or less than her sisters.

For someone to start making decision like that is to continue a distancing from their children that they have already started where it matters - with their parental love, they are simply extending into cold hard cash.

[FredPuli43]

Sqad, my son doesn't think love and affection is measured or compared in hundreds, thousands, or millions of pounds and therefore whether his sister gets more or less of an estate which is in any of those figures will not concern him.

Now, if she fills my criteria on marriage ; answer the following: Have the family any money? Is this bloke the eldest? Does their house have its own chapel? (Well , I don't have to pay for a church then); she may end up with less, because her "needs" are less

[Kassee]

It is possible to have three children all grown up, to whom life has dealt very different hands. This is not necessarily anything at all to do with whether they have worked hard or not, (but more to do with the hand that life has dealt them). One may have married into a wealthy family, had a fairly priviledged life, another may have had a divorce, a child with a disability, and ended up as a single parent carer living on benefits. Whilst her sibling's children attend private school, and the family holiday abroad a number of times each and every year. You can love all your children equally but at the same time realize that one needs money far more than another one.

I think treating all children the same, in some circumstances, would actually be unfair.