My 10 Year Old Is Not Eating Well

[louculhane]

Please someone give me some advice. I have a ten year old who always had a good appetite. However last December my daughters best friend started to bully her. She was very upset and scared. We have more or less resolved the problem now but we live in a rural area in Ireland and there are only 5 in her year!! As you can imagine it is a hard to avoid her. We have contemplated moving her to another school as the school itself isn't very good, the standard of education there has dropped. Her older brother whom she is very close to left to go to secondary school also so she has had quite a hard time. Around February this bully told my daughter she was fat which couldn't be further from the truth. She is very slim and I am by conscious of how little she is eating. She isn't to bad with her breakfast and lunches however every time she sits down for dinner she always gets up to go to the toilet in between. I am getting paranoid and thinking all sorts of worrying things like anorexia etc.... Please someone help me to figure this out I am feeling really stressed and meals times are becoming a nightmare. This evening me and my husband got really fed up and ended up telling her off, plus we told her she wouldn't get anything else until dinner was finished. It is still here sitting on the work top and I don't know what to do. We have probably done the wrong thing and shouldn't have said anything to her but it is so hard. I would really appreciate any advice you have thanks.

[woofgang]

Is there anything like child and family guidance in Ireland? You are right in that yelling and sit till you finish never have worked and never will...but its so hard for parents. Can you sit down with her and talk to her about how she feels about food and school in general?

[sara3]

have you asked her if she wants to change school?

[louculhane]

I have spoken to her about school she says she is happy there now. we discussed leaving the school with her But I think she is probably scared of leaving and going somewhere she doesn't know which is understandable. I am terrified of that myself in case it is worse. I must look up for a parental advice organisation it would be nice to talk to someone.

[sherrardk]

Do you have netmums in Ireland (it's a website that has forums and some groups that meet up - I think). There might be some local(ish) people who can offer you support.

[louculhane]

I will try contacting that website I have seen it alright. Thanks

[ST24]

The only thing I can think of to suggest is to try to stimulate her appetite. This can be achieved through various means but the easiest one might be vanilla oil, the odour of which stimulates the hunger pangs.
Hope everything turns out well.

[Sharingan]

I would suggest you don't turn food into a big deal, and avoid any further confrontation. Make sure you spend lots of quality time doing energetic things which will take her mind off things that aren't going to plan and will also stimulate her appetite. I was a very skinny kid and ate very little for a short period a few years ago ( probably about age 11) not because there was anything wrong but simply because for some reason I just couldn't face much food and dinner made me want to hurl ( not through any weight worry issues just because it did). Once my periods appeared that seemed to go, so I'm wondering if any medical person here knows of any hormonal reason this might be happening and it might be unlinked to any bullying issues. I hope everything goes well for you all xx

[cazzz1975]

Are you sure the problem is resolved with the friend?

[louculhane]

Hi everyone,
I talk to her a lot and she domes to be much happier and content at school. She is getting more support at school from the teachers as I have been in constant contact with them. She tells me things are ok with this child, however it can't be easy when you are in such a small class and sitting next to each other! This is why we'd feel a different school could be a positive thing as she would have more choice of children to play with. Thanks sharingan sometimes I feel we are probably stressing her out more than anything and that not helping with the food situation. She does eat little and often and maybe that suits her best. The only thing that worries me is how she seems to be hungry yet won't eat. And watching her eat dinner is painful! She won't hardly let the fork touch her mouth and there so little on it.

[loulou111]

Try to get her to help you with the evening meal, ask her to help plan menus for the week, and get her to help you cook it. Praise her for the end result and say how tasty it is. This might encourage her to eat more and her self esteem may be boosted at the same time.

[mikey4444]

Almost certainly this well lead to an eating disorder in pretty quick time if you don't take action immediately. Speak firmly to her school and make sure the bullying is stopped.

Losing your temper with her over not eating her dinner is tempting and easily done but it just not the way to proceed. I have close friends who have a daughter who is now 16 and weighs about 5 stone. They ignored the early signs of anorexia, and spoiled her teribly, and I'm afraid they are now paying the price. This condition is much more easily dealt with if it is caught early...leave it alone to grow and she may never gain full mental health.

I hope I have offended you but if you could only speak to these friends of mine you would realise how serious this can get.