Would You Get Involved?

[EvianBaby]

I have a sister who has moved back in with my dad (seemingly permanently). She's moved from another part of the country so has just got herself a bar job. She's been working there a couple of weeks but claims she doesn't get paid until the end of this month so she is skint, yet she seems to be there socialising and (presumably) buying drinks when she's not working. Meanwhile my Dad is funding her completely, including eating, drinking, smoking and putting petrol in his car so she can drive the 200 miles round trip twice a weekend to pick up and drop off her kids from their dads.

Today he told me she's been stealing from him. He has a pot that he chucks all his pocket change in at the end of the day. He said every day it gets emptied out. She's never asked if she can take it and has not once even acknowledged all the additional financial strain she's putting him under. My Dad just scrapes by paying his own bills as it is and can't afford to support her, never mind have her stealing literally his last pennies. He even said today he doesn't know how he's going to feed them both until he gets paid Thursday.

Myself and another sister are furious about it but he won't say anything because she is his daughter and she has other stuff going on, he doesn't want to make life even harder. But he's not in the best of health at the moment and I could see today how stressful this is for him.

I really want to say something to her but don't want to make life harder for my dad. What would you do?

[lcg]

She needs to be told - and straight. You just don't Sugar on your own doorstep. She is an adult and no-one is doing her any favours by mollycoddling. I think you will probably find she is drinking her pay packet away.

[sebhfhion]

I agree with lcg, it seems she may have 'issues' of her own but this does not excuse stealing from your family that is inexcusable. I hope you can get this sorted for the sake of your poor Dad.

[EvianBaby]

She certainly does need telling, although I'm not sure pinning her against a wall will work. She has previous in that, she'll finish me off. Lol.

Now to just plan what and how to say it.

[ummmm]

If she works in a pub there is a good chance when she goes out she is drinking the drinks that are bought for her but she hadn't drank.

If I were you, I'd confront her, it must be really upsetting for him.

[anneasquith]

evi...........re your post, reading between the lines, ( she has other stuff going on ),a difficult situation for dad, suggest she go to job centre if no salary for a month,

[Smowball]

First simple thing - tell your dad to not put his loose change in the pot anymore. Then dont 'offer' to get petrol,cigarettes etc. he doesnt have to have a row, just wait for her to say to him that she needs money and then he can simply say he doesnt have any. Easier said than done I know.

[EvianBaby]

It is really upsetting for him. Because of the other situations going on he doesn't know what to do for the better.

Ummm, she's there pretty much every night she doesn't work and always stays for drinks after her shift. There's no way that she's getting bought that many drinks. Some sure, but not all.

We did tell him to move his change pot into his bedroom at the least.

I'll be round on the weekend so will see if anything has improved or got worse then and if not, I'll have a face to face 'chat' with her.