Am Not Coping

[Smowball]

i posted on here a few weeks ago about how my son had ran away to his fathers, over 100 miles away. despite me driving to see him and him saying I have done nothing wrong whatsoever he still wants to try and see what living with his dad is like.
my heart is absolutely broken. he rings every day to talk to me but as soon as I hear his voice I crack. I don't know what to do xxx

[Mamyalynne]

Keep the channels open as you have so far,always let him know how much you love him.

There is a very old saying 'Let them go with love and they will return', trite as it may sound it is true - I know from personal experience.


So hard for you, sending my best ((HUG))

[tamborine]

Am so sorry & feel for you. Its horrid when kids flee the nest as you feel so empty & lost. At least you can talk to him & be assured he is ok.

There comes a time in most lads lives when they feel only their dad understands their emotions. He is growing up Smoball and will return to protect you. Let him go, to mature x

[Old_Geezer]

I can only sympathise. Every mother finds a time when the offspring want to be away and in this case there is the need to be some time with the other parent too. I think you just need to hang on in there until his absence doesn't create such intense feelings and you will have both benefited from the experience. Meanwhile try to fill your day so you don't spend time regretting the situation too much. One's offspring is not one's life even if for a while they are such a big part of it. You have your own personal desires in life to spend time on too.

[pixie373]

I agree with mamya.
I sent my daughter to stay with my sister-in-law recently, because i felt her adhd behaviour was putting her in danger. It didn't actually last long in the end, but i felt physically heartbroken when she wasn't here. I posted on AB (it's in my questions, if you want to see).
Try to look at it as teenage experimenting - which i think is what it is. You haven't lost him, just keep in touch, as you are. I really think he'll be back sooner or later. You need some distractions for now xx

[ummmm]

From previous posts I believe he doesn't know his father too well. There will be a novelty factor.

What steps has your husband taken? Has he contacted your son?

The communication is good but its early days....I suspect he won't want to go back to the atmosphere that your husband created.

[dunnitall]

I do feel for you, I know I wouldn't cope in a situation like yours so you have my every sympathy. Good advice from everyone on here that's for sure but it doesn't help to make you feel better. It really is a case of time and as said keeping communication open, so very difficult for you to have to endure but please try to be strong and hang in there, I'm sure it will come right in the end and things come good for you and your son. Hugs x

[Smowball]

Hubby and son have talked on the phone and cleared the air, and both said they felt much better but he still thinks life with batchelor dad is brill. He started a new school this week and I just cant bear it. I feel lost.

[anneasquith]

has your son actually said why he left home ?

[puddle-duck]

As hard as it may be smowball you just have to let them find their own way. Keep the lines of communication open and let him know there is always a place at home if ever he needs it. That's all you can do. (((hugs)))

[ferlew]

Aww bless you, kids break our hearts. I am scared witless if mine doesn't ring, and the same when he does. x

[pixie373]

It is a nightmare. He does need to be at school, but from your point of view, it must look more long-term. I would feel just the same as you. I can only say that at least you do know where he is, that he's safe and that you can speak to him. Thinking of you xx

[black_cat51]

sorry to hear this. I don't really think there is anything you can do except what has already been suggested

[waterboatman]

My heart goes out to you smow. xxx You are doing the right thing in letting him try it out. He talks to you every day. He loves you as much as you love him, but you have to let him make his owns decisions now my lovely. I know. It hurts . Been there, done that. It hurts. But if you try to force him to come back he will resent it. I think he will come back on his own when the novelty wears off. That could take some time. try to be patient sweetheart. It's hard, I know but it's all you can do in reality. xxxxx

[Smowball]

Thankyou all for all of your words. I do keep telling myself that at least I know where he is - that he is warm, fed, clothed and happy but every time I see his empty bedroom my heart breaks a little bit more.

[lady-janine]

smow - he is still talking to you and frequently. hubby and son have talked and cleared the air. and now you have run out of adrenalin so of course you feel weepy. please give it time. xx

[murraymints]

Smow..a wee bit of distance between son and husband will be good for a while...and you too, there's only so much grief you can take with confrontation...he'll appreciate you more when he returns...xxx

[Smowball]

You are all right - as usual. I just feel I have failed him x

[lady-janine]

no you haven't. that is nonsense. imo.

[Smowball]

Thankyou. xx its just so odd not being able to give him a hug after school or cook his dinner.

[lady-janine]

that will come again. just give him time. i know it's hard but eventually those things will come again. xx