Running Off With Someone You Love

[nicole1996]

I am looking for a female to talk to who has preferably been through a similar situation. I need advice on running off with an older man whom you were in love with. People not approving of your decisions

[woofgang]

you are saying "running off" who are you running off from and why? How old are you? how old is he?

[EcclesCake]

If the 1996 in your username reflects your age I had a relationship with an older man when I was a little older than you.

I didn't have to run off with him though. Why do you need to run away with him?

[boxtops]

Is he free for you to run away with, i.e. is he not married, or otherwise spoken for?

[pixie373]

Why do you need to run off? You're 16/17? I think if anything will make your family disapprove, it would probably be disappearing with him. Why don't you take it slowly for a year or two, without burning all your bridges?

[tonyav]

Has he said that he wants you to run away with him ?.

[Old_Geezer]

Run away in haste, repent at leisure.
I think you need to consider more that someone else's experience of, most probably, making one of life's errors. It need not be the same as what would happen should you do so.

[nicole1996]

@EcclesCake: I am 18 & because of the circumstances. Not only because of the age issue with certain people but also because our families have known each other for years. It wouldn't be the smartest idea to stick around, thing's wouldn't be good because they wouldn't b ok with it if you know what I mean.

[EcclesCake]

Nicole, do you live in quite a small community or town?

If that is the case you'd do well to finish your High School education and then move onto college and experience a bit more of the world before running away with the first guy in your life.

[Hopkirk]

You may not realise it yet, but you will need your family throughout your life.

Don't do it.

[DaisyNonna]

What is the age difference?

[Peaspeculiars]

nicole, would you be at physical risk if you stayed and continued the relationship?

[Canary42]

You appear to have decided to run off with this man, so what advice do you need?

Travel info ?

Accommodation recommendations ?

Or hiding from people who won't approve ?

You could start by asking the older man who probably has a better idea of the circumstances and personalities involved compared with anonymous internet surfers, and probably more experience too.

[Canary42]

... more experience than you I mean, not than the surfers ........ sorry about that bad wording.

[nicole1996]

@Peaspeculiars:Not exactly physical risk no but no one would approve & I think its best to move away from them.

@Hopkirk: Yes, I realize that I need my family & all but for example; a mother may highly disapprove of her daughter becoming a lesbian & may disown her for a long time but she will always love her because it's her child

[nicole1996]

@Canary42: I'm not exactly trying to hide from those people but just move away & start over with each other. I believe if there's a will, there's a way & you shouldn't technically "hide out" from people; I'm talking get away from them because we are all confined in a small town.

[jno]

best thing is probably to move to a city where you can be fairly anonymous. Cities can be expensive, though, and your first thought should probably be whether you can afford it. Have you got a financial plan that would survive, say, one person losing their job?

[nicole1996]

@jno:Moving to a city was part of the plan & he currently has a job & is making good $$ & we've talked about the financial part of it. I also have a plan as well before I make any kind of move. I am looking for a job now & going to save every penny I make to make sure we are able to manage.

[Peaspeculiars]

It's a tough one nicole, as we don't know how well you get on with your family and why your family would be against the relationship so much (i,e is he married to a relative, has he upset the family before or do your parents have someone in mind for you to marry already?), but you seem to have made your mind up to go (?)
I am presuming that your partner and self have discussed at length the possibility of your family never speaking to you again? I know I would be devastated if I was shunned by my family, and your family can be your absolute rock if things go wrong in your early adult life - trust me on this one.
I cannot know you as a person so cannot tell you what the right thing to do would be, But - I would sincerely urge you to wait for at least a couple of months, carry on as you are doing and see if the love is as strong as it is now. If he loves you, he should be able to wait a while before you start planning an escape, but running away can be a split second decision that may, or may not be the point of no return.
If you have made up your mind, have more than one back-up plan for security and please listen to the other AB'ers, and perhaps some close friends advice before you decide how to go forward. You are right, nothing can alter the love between a mother and child, but to upset them for the sake of an outsider could break the trust forever. All the best x

[kvalidir]

Are you in the UK or US nicole?

[Peaspeculiars]

Ah, Nicole, just spotted your other thread:

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Law/Question1332824.html

and in reference to your answer at 21.08 - Good, taking time with this is good x