I'm Gonna Be A Dad! :s

[wickedgrin]

Just stumbled across this site while searching on google and thought it looked great.

Not really a proper question as such but if anyone has any advice for me that would be great.

So I've been with my girlfriend about 3 months now and today she told me she is pregnant and its mine! ****!

I'm 33 (and she is 26) so I know that everyone probably thinks I should be totally ready for this, but I'm not.

I'm not even sure that I want to be with her you know, everything is so new and now i feel trapped. and before anyone makes any comments yes we did use protection, got no clue how this happened.

Not expecting any answers really, just venting

[elliemay1]

//If I'm totally honest what I want to do is run as far away as quickly as I can, but I'm not going to do that. I know that would be totally unfair on both her and the baby.//
It would be totally unfair if you agree to live together when your heart isn't in it. You can support her and the baby without pretending that you want to live together. Be honest and say what you feel. It will hurt less in the long run.

[scorpiojo]

Well said, elliemay.

[hc4361]

I feel for you. 3 months is no time at all. Hope it works out, whatever the decisions are

[wickedgrin]

'Why are you sure it's yours when you say you used protection?'

I trust her, am I a fool for that? Not sure if I could ask her to get a paternity test done, would feel awful.

'And if it is yours you can support her without her moving in with you. You sound as if you are allowing yourself to be pushed into things you don't want to do.'

I'm not allowing anything yet, just considering options. But I guess I am known for being a bit of a pushover, I don't like to say no.

[sherrardk]

You can't be a pushover when a child is involved, you need to do done serious thinking & grow up.

[Jeza]

Back when I was young this did happen but not often. Dating 3 months and pregnant already. Not my thing at all.

[black_cat51]

lol i think you might be a bit old for it to be "your thing" jeza

[shellybean]

I would say try not to worry about it too much. I think the fact that you care enough to post on here shows that you are really thinking things through. Everything will work out, I'm sure.

I have been in this situation (although obvs I was the one who was pregnant) and it all worked out fine for us. I was only 19 at the time and he was 24, we had been together about 7 or 8 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was totally shocked and scared but decided to keep the baby. My boyfriend and I lasted through the pregnancy but broke up shortly after our daughter was born.

However he is always there for her, even now and she turns 5 in a few months. He is even great with my other two kids who aren't his. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I know that you can be a good dad even if you and your girlfriend don't work out.

[wickedgrin]

Thanks shelleybean, thats really helpful.

'Dating 3 months and pregnant already. Not my thing at all.' Trust me Jeza not my thing either, just dealing with cards I been dealt.

[elliemay1]

Can never understand how people can be 'totally shocked' if they become pregnant. Don't they know what causes it?

[black_cat51]

well, if you are having protected sex, it's bound to be a surprise!

[elliemay1]

But surely not 'totally shocked.'

[black_cat51]

why not?

[Zacs-Master]

Well done wickedgrin for
A) finding this site
B) posting in the correct category
And
C) choosing an appropriate name.
And erm, congratulations.

[shellybean]

I think people assume if they use protection then it is all good. I know I did, but there is always that small chance that it can still happen.

[Jeza]

Allow me to explain. When I was young 'nice' girls did not sleep with boyfriends and the said boyfriend if he respected the girl did not expect her to. They were usually engaged before they 'did it'. Nowadays it seems to me that ½ a lager and a bag of chips on the way home is the norm.

[elliemay1]

When you say that you're, 'just dealing with the cards you have been dealt' you make it sound as if it's somehow not your fault that you are in this position. I hope you don't mind me saying but you seem very immature for a 33 year old.

[wickedgrin]

Zacs-Master.. Thanks I think.

Jeza.. Not that I'm saying you are implying this at all, but I can assure you that we both wanted to have sex and I did not put pressure on her in anyway. I thought that we were being responsible using protection.

EllieMay... I just meant that this wasn't exactly supposed to happen. Plus I never claimed to be mature!

[hc4361]

elliemay, what's a chap to do if he uses condoms and spermicides, she tells him she's on the pill but she still gets pregnant?
He can't march her to the doctor's for the morning after pill, or demand she has an abortion.
He can't demand that she keep the baby because he is desperate to be a dad.
In this situation the woman is the only decision maker and the man is supposed to support her whichever way she decides.