Unplanned 3Rd Pregnancy. Advice??

[yellownana]

Right. I am around 5 weeks pregnant with my third. I have an almost 3 year old and 5 year old. This was unplanned and a big shock. I was in the pill and it failed.

I work part time and my partner works loads so is hardly at home. We have a 3 bed house and pay quite a lot on child care.

We get on, but having a bit of a difficult time at the minute with arguing etc. my 5 year old is quite high maintenance and a handful. I wasn't happy about being pregnant again , but don't think I can have an aborton. I just don't want to struggle. I am 30. My mum has said if I keep this baby it will be a big mistake as I wouldn't cope. My partner wants it, but knows we probably will struggle. I don't know what to do. I feel sick with sorry as not sure id cope, but don't want to make a mistake and regret it. Any advice, or has anyone been in a similar position. Is 3 children that hard. I'm not the greatest on no sleep and I'm impatient and snappy. I'm not asking anyone to make this decision. But some advice would be nice. I feel awful.

[ladyalex]

You have to think carefully about how you would feel after having an abortion as well as how you would feel bringing up another child.
Not an easy decision for anyone.
Good luck to you whatever you decide as only you and your partner can make this decision.
Whatever you decide, you will cope. because people do.

[yellownana]

I've come away this weekend with the girls and it's been lovely. They are being well behaved so I think "I'll be fine with another, oh how lovely it would be as mine are getting older". Then when they are being at their worse I think "oh god, how would I cope". Think this is natural. I do have a supportive partner. He has said he is attached now so would love to have. But I am the one looking after three as he works all the time. I do have supportive family. My eldest is at school and my youngest starts her 15 hours in January at nursery. So timing wise I suppose is perfect to have another. It's my mum that's so against it and I don't want to disappoint her. We are so close and she is only looking out for me, I know that. Still struggling with th decision and have the docs on Tuesday. One day I'm so sure I want it and the next I'm all for not having it. This is how I am with decisions and I'm so scared I make the wrong one. It's not like any of them are reversible. :-(.

[boxtops]

Nana

"It's my mum that's so against it and I don't want to disappoint her."

It's not your mum's baby, not your mum's child - its yours and your partner's. You can't let your mum's wishes about this rule your decision. Its not her call.

[yellownana]

I know. I'm just so confused.

[Retrochic]

yellownana you say both decisions are not reversible. IF you have an abortion you may always be wondering what the child would have become -it will haunt you. If you proceed with the pregnancy and have a baby you will not regret it -the minute you hold your baby you will know you made the right decision and you will cope.

[woofgang]

Well I am not going to give you advice on what to do about your pregnancy but i do think that Retrochic is perhaps over simplifying things (understatement)
What I also think is that your Mum needs to butt out. Dp you have someone else you could discuss this with outside of your family who won't have an agenda? maybe one of the nurses or doctors at your GP practice?

[Retrochic]

woofgang this is not my first post on the subject and previously I've suggested the OP talk to someone who is 'out of the loop' as well as people involved. I was addressing the concerns the OP has over making a wrong decision. An Abortion is final, a birth is not - if she feels after the baby is born she can't cope she has the opportunity to put the baby up for adoption and give a couple the chance of a family they can't have naturally. I was however assuming that once she has the baby she will be able to cope.

[woofgang]

The Op has already ruled out adoption. Assuming that once the baby is born,she wlll cope is a giant assumption.

[anneasquith]

I keep seeing the word '' cope'',,,,,,,,,,,,,it's a baby who will in turn become a toddler then at school, and before you know it leaving home and becoming independent.

[Kassee]

You'll cope, children get easier as they get older. Your mum is just worrying about you. Your partner wants it, and you don't think you can have an abortion - so there is your answer - loud and clear.

I expect 50% of children are unplanned, and a big shock for their parents, but are loved just the same.